Friday 8 June 2012

Numbles, fumbles and rumbustical Ryf in Roma

Written daily, tweeted daily from the bucket Aug 09-June 12


Ep1 It was a worrying wordie night. Ryf & Moldwarp were feeling farctate after a supper of numbles under the aurora australis …

 Ep2 … and were playing a game of prick-the-garter with locals (a clank-knapper, micher & moll). But things were getting muddled… 

Ep3…because, as in all medieval games, the gamblers geeked. Ryf, our translunary hero, was soon seeking the truth & point of it. … 

Ep4…Ah, he’d been in such a Wildean mood since the Rutterkin War, travelling the world to find frim fruits & wel-willy wordies … 

Ep5…And Ryf was no different at this reechy rout as he questioned the origin of ‘prick’. A logomachy with fisticuffs ensued…  

Ep6 … as the micher and moll thought Ryf was being rude. While the bawdy micher bespawled Ryf’s breeches, his kicky-wicky … 

Ep7…kicked Moldwarp’s gibus, which made our heart-quaking hero punch t’other one. “You cumberworld & cullion,” roxled Ryf. …

Ep8…“You milk-livered mumpsimus,” mumbled the micher as Ryf & his Moldwarp fled. Ryf, flebile & peace-loving, wept because he … 

Ep9…yearned to find true shibboleths, of enlightenment. “Wordies we will find, p’raps those beyond the alkahest!” whispered our… 

Ep10…tomte’s wappered wambling mate, reassuringly. Such belgards on Ryf’s ruthful face as the pileous poppet built a soily hill… 

Ep11…on which to rest their heads, and ponder on the world’s nimiety of ninnies, hoddy-doddies, pebble-peelers and popinjays… 

Ep12…Soon they were sleeping & unaware that more tricks than in a lanterloo game were approaching, in the niminy-piminy form of…  

Ep13…an abbey-lubber in a billycock. Once an Adamite, the maculated monk woke Ryf with a scratching-under-his-cassock racket. … 

Ep14…Ryf opened an eye as the papelard bowed low, flaunting a fracid ass’s head in his face. With a fawning fleer, he said… 

Ep15…“Mr Ryf, can I show you the way ahead in your search for wlonk wordies? Freely, I offer you my cephaleonomancy services.”… 

Ep16…Ever-curious, Ryf nodded to the grog-blossomed monk, and stared as the long-dead head was broiled. Mageiristic lores made…

Ep17…bubbles burst as the monk stirred. Moldwarp woke and whispered, “What’s that snattock of a sluggard up to? Making figgy-…

Ep18… dowdy?” Ryf laughed at his pigsney. “No, he’s doing a divination thingy. After much murlimews the monk maffled and moaned… 

Ep19…then, “Woonkers! I see the Way for you Ryf!” he pribbled. “Oh my! PRAY sir, what sockdolager do you foresee for me?” cried… 

Ep20…our tomte, a bit hypocritically. “Mr Ryf I see you looking so fine in a white fedora! I see you there in…Egads! …in Roma!”…

Ep21…Ryf rolled his eyes, “What’ll this fopdoodle next foresee? Me in a false peruke, in a molly-house supping skilly?” But he…

Ep22…decided to humour the porridge-belly, “Come, Moldy, let’s go swithly, and peirastically prod the pea-goose popery for a… 

Ep23…sooth.” The chaw-bacon beamed as Moldwarp & Ryf went to board a boat, thinking they’d endiablee the frape til it was a … 

Ep24…abawling  against the pope. On the orlop, they drank grog with a flong maker, a willyer, a wed-breaker & one-handed apple…

Ep25…man. While Ryf prabbled with a phlyarologist, Moldy discussed welking medical words with a widgeon, but all night in the … 

Ep26…shadows sat a parlous papicolist, disguised as a paynim, watching & grinning. During the weeks on the waves the Captain… 

Ep27… shared his skillygalee, spinee & bumboo with Ryf & Moldy. One cupshotten night as they clavered in his cabin, the Captain… 

Ep28…whispered a warning, “There’s a weatherspy watching, Ryf. If you go widdershins to Roma, you’ll end up a kissingcrust in a…

Ep29…circumbendibus.” Ryf laughed, “Fear not, young bawcock. I’m a tomte on a quest, and a gigantomachia would be nothing more … 

Ep30…or less than a gapesnest.” “Yoicks,” the Captain said, “you do speak like a tip-top tomte, not a grouthead goliard. Let’s … 

Ep31…bowse up the jib sir! I just hope they don’t bomullock you and you find the words to pen a bragget of a brut.” The giant …

Ep32…of a tomte said, “I’ve already done a Bunsen burner of a brut! With the sausage and mash I’ve acquired Colonel Quondams to…

Ep33…foist on the folk & the bar of soap, in the Ratican.” After a game of able-whackets in which Ryf won a packet, the ship…

Ep34…dropped anchor at the mawmsey mouth of the Tiber. A last doble-doble, some fuzzled farewells, then Ryf disembarked, and… 

Ep35…due to being a quidnunc without sea-legs, he wambled and galped down the gang plank, clutching his gift for the artolaters… 

Ep36…The papicolist (now disguided as a pittancer) gave Ryf a handful of holy-dabbies, then pushed him roughly in a carriage… 

Ep37…Thus the merry-go-sorry began with fubbery – our hero carried off by a hylden, leaving Moldy screaming “Stop the villain!”…

Ep38…But the writhled spinicop had a firm hold of his spreth. Greedily, he raced Ryf to what he hoped would be spiritual death…

Ep39…and thus once in such a state, Ryf might parbreak his atheism and cry out for a swinkless salvation – such was the pickle- …

Ep40…herring’s plan. The cart at last hit its target & tumbled Ryf in the midst of the merdaille, near Pope Pesky’s magnificent… 

Ep41 …apartment. Ryf was prone, clutching his appley phone & sack of love gloves, when a pizzle-greased Pantagruel stottered…

Ep42…by, crouched & spittled a smelly breath word in Ryf’s face: Trinc.” With gelastic jubilation, Ryf sat up & gasped, What?

Ep43 … Trinc, whispered the javel giant. Ryf drooled at the Goddess Bottle’s panomphean word and smiled, Sir, I will stotay …

Ep44… anywhere with you (or your dearworth Panurge) for a drop or two of piquant truth. In a ferry whisk, Ryf followed goggle-…

Ep45 …-eyed Pantagruel, unaware that the louche lurdan was planning to trip him into a fumbling, fescennine, fatiferous Fall…

Ep46 …via the temptation of gluttony. The pope’s poxy puttock led Ryf to an inn where a temperance test lurked smelling of sin … 

Ep47…’Twas a pannychous feast: a palmiped pie, pye pie, bag pudding and jorum of gin. “Oh my! Such joy!” sighed our solonist...

Ep48…Paunchy Pantagruel slapped Ryf on the thigh, then pushed a pot of purl & plate of pulpatoon towards him. Trinc! Eat! he… 

Ep49…growled. Though both belly-pinched and yearning for a bombard of balderdash, Ryf boggled – wishing his missing moldwarp … 

Ep50…could advise him. Then a honk heralded a warning on his appley: Bouffage may bring bumwhush or a buckswanging! Moldy x

Ep51…Ryf quivered, faced with a scary choice: to be spatrified by pies & puddings or the ignivomous anger of a papulous peagoose… 

Ep52…“Ah,” sighed Ryf, “my saviour!’” as a Lollard knight stottered by, shouting: “Stockfish…vile standing tuck! Bull’s pizzle!… 

Ep53…Oh my!” The pop-bellied fizgig, Falstaff, turned from the applesquire he was cursing & bowed, “Ryf! My fitchet pie and…

Ep54…faticane! Why are you here?” Ryf sobbed into Falstaff’s ear: “I know you’re no lick-spigot my famelicose friend but I beg… 

Ep55…you to help snarf this feast, or I’ll explode like a gumfiated link-hide (or be murdered by that titivil, Pantagruel).”…

Ep56…“Oh dear, is Tickle-brain in a stew? I’ll make a snack of it & dedicate my lambition to a total unbelief in you,” smiled the…

Ep57…heretic knight. As Ryf’s disciple ate a pie holus-bolus, Ryf himself higgle-haggled with Pantagruel, scoring moral points… 

Ep58…on the sharing of what had now become a bid-ale feast. Soon all except Ryf were prancing a passy-measure, & Pantagruel was…

Ep59…back to being a wine-bibber. Piddle to the pope, he gruntled, then Falstaff staggered up, raised Ryf’s sack, & shouted…

Ep60…All rise for Ryf who’s not only a purveyor of love gloves but a spreader of lyfe! Blushing like a blushet at a bridelope… 

Ep61…Ryf bowed to his pewfellow, Thank you. Saved from a pabulous Fall, he guzzled a goblet of nippitate ale & crambled off... 

Ep62… leaving Pantagruel’s plan in pieces. In the mood for bawdreaminy, Ryf rang Moldy, longing for nothing less than morology… 

Ep63,…not realizing that another talkingstock temptation awaited him – in the palm of a flizzy pharmacopolist with a pestle-pie…

Ep64…In this new guise, the pygalgia papicolist ran up in a fluckadrift and pushed his pestle-pie of powder under Ryf’s nostril… 

Ep65…The sophist smiled, “Want a tincture or puff of this sir? Woonkers! What a whirl of wlonk wordies and logomancy you could… 

Ep66…experience! A drop can make a mooter of you, a troubly man of tolutiloquence!” Ryf replied, “Can you promise caves of ice?…

Ep67…the milk of Paradise? flashing eyes? oblivion? an errhine to inspire a white-rabbit vision or canorous peal of laughter?...

Ep68…or will you transform me into a babliaminy of borborology?” With a dirty digit, the sluggard touched Ryf’s lips, & drawn… 

Ep69…by the sigaldry of curiosity, our word-digger and adventurer shadowed his tempter to a Doric den of opiates & deliquium... 

Ep70…By gum such a mullipood of methomania awaited Ryf. A couch of kittling prickmedainties playing handy-dandy welcomed him… 

Ep71…Much kippage followed as fustilugs and foppets fought for the attentions of their long-admired kingling. Ryf, delighted by… 

Ep72…a ferly: a friendly maccaroni mumbling macaronics & playing the guitar! Ryf ran through the murk to embrace and deosculate…

Ep73…his old mate from Brainbridge – Huge Polly (famed for his boanthropy and buffoonery). Reunited, the buddies bibbled…

Ep74…& hokered the hunkerish views of the day, while the papist debulliated with disgust at a renifleur’s overtures and rushed…

Ep75…away. The drizzard gone, drury and dicacity filled the bagnio with fun. But Ryf reddened and his heart quaked with fear…

Ep76…as a haspenald, a shunless temptation drew near. Ryf played with his appley phone, then a round of Pope Joan with Huge...

Ep77,…seeking distraction from this quidam who quemed him. But then a belgard from the felicific face made him quackle, and his… 

Ep78… skilly-like beer spilled down his ballop. Their eyes met, Ryf thought of Moldy and felt qued. A beckoning nod from the… 

Ep79… haspenald put Ryf  deeper into a malebolge. He’s a schismarch, a scrivener, whispered a lace-clad gent, making Ryf yet…

Ep80… more inquisitive. After three puffs of hashish, Ryf walked willy-nilly, following what now seemed a quiddity (essence of a thing), but without…

Ep81…knowing what the It itself was. In the shadowy room, would he be cavorting glaikitly with a costnung or seriously seeking … 

Ep82…the kalon. Ryf pursued his sapphire-eyed summum bonum, or mammet, up three rickety steps, to a chamber of smoke that… 

Ep83…both kittled and brought on a kef. He hadn’t a clue what would happen next…a baisemain? a bergamask? He certainly didn’t …

Ep84… expect such a callithumpian collieshangie, nor did he fear a hamartia, as he tumbled through the door, into the arms of…

Ep85…a flourishing kallipyg called Harris Popple, who tripped on a bombous bottle, sending Ryf floundering to the fulvid floor… 

Ep86…where he fell flat on the fidging feet of a stirious Stoic & bore, who was nibbling from a takeout box of ‘Luke’s quiches’… 

Ep87…Squashed by the falcate feet of the fastuous man, Ryf lay farcifully, staring up into the vertumnal lad’s eyes. Fambling,…

Ep88…Ryf saw a flary Fall approaching as he sat up to sip the skilly that Harris Popple had brought him. In a chantepleure of…

Ep89…imagined cheeping-merry cupidity and despairing desidery, Ryf rang Moldy on his appley for a snattock of …

Ep90… salvation. But the lines were dead. Ryf haffled, hoined and, untrowful, stood, then crawled to the anima mundi on the… 

Ep91… bed, who emanated purpose and warmth. Oh to sleep and to croodle, careless of this couchee that conskites the world with…

Ep92…perplexity, whispered Ryf, then rested his head on a soft woolly wanger. The slawsy-gawsy cogitators drew nearer … 

Ep93…, straining to hear a word that was said in the sapid snip-snap that followed between our for-the-nonce Hedonic hero and… 

Ep94… the lambent lad. But all they heard was disturbing dittology. As they penned the kittle words for posterity, Ryf began …

Ep95… to relax, at last, in the lupanar – talking of the world’s dapocaginous state, the whittie-whattie, trittle-trattle, and… 

Ep96…lack of daedal ideas. But just as Ryf was feeling elevated by eudemonics & close to crying out Evoe!, the younker (later…

Ep97…described as an agnostic, perfidious Pelagius or pottle of Prometheus) took his macker by the hand, strode to the eyethurl… 

Ep98… and whistered, If you seek fatidic fruits, precellent words, or seely soothness…look there, pointing with an empyreal…

Ep99… finkle stalk. There sits a noetical spirit. Ever yiver for transcendent truths, after osculant goodbyes Ryf stumbled … 

Ep100…out of the opium-den door like a toper, tripping murklins and tired. In the shadows, on the Occident–Orient road, and…

Ep101… between two demonocracy abodes, Ryf spotted a crouched canous man, umbratilous, thin and in gyves, who seemed to be …

Ep102… singing a skimple-skamble, or an amoretto. As Ryf drew closer to eavesdrop, he saw that the quidam was cuddling a coney …

Ep103…Are you a tregetour in trouble? asked Ryf, sad to see a singing man in chains. But the hectoring hoker from a gathering…

Ep104… thring made it impossible to understand his words – but Ryf knew by his smilet he had a clean inwit, he wasn’t a dawkin… 

Ep105…and his ditty was dearworth. But the glee-dreaming came to an end as scroyles ran from the threng. This scofflaw escaped…

Ep106…from his oubliette, screamed a swasher. (Via simple-hearted tendresse, susurred a bystander.) Off to the furca with…

Ep107…the lorendriver! came the merciless words from a scut of a skains-mate. No! shouted Ryf, weeping with midtholing, and… 

Ep108…begging the multitude to help him. A scuffle…and an animant scambled through the threat. Magnifico! Moldy! ’Twas Ryf’s… 

Ep109…missing mate. But neither rumbustical Ryf nor mollifying Moldy, nor a bowelly batterfang from some blokes from the throng…

Ep110…could stop the soldiers. So, by his shackle, the untheatric chap was pulled to his feet and dragged nuddling down the… 

Ep111…street, still inclipping his coney and humming. You rabbit-suckers!’ called Ryf. Is this indole & innocent peace-pusher…

Ep112…to be murdered for misimagination? a subrision? some solfing? Can’t you hear the troth in his maffling! He’s no cully, … 

Ep113…cudden or fop. He can’t even hear the corrupt. As the singing man was dragged into the nightertale, Moldy mumbled Truth…

Ep114… in a shillibeer will end up in a grave again, pulled by power & politics. The only belief here is in fiat and fake gods…

Ep115…Wrackful, Ryf cracked, sat on the kerb, hopeloss & haveless, but then recalled the finkle stalk, the promise of fatidic… 

Ep116…fruits, precellent words and seely soothness. By that spondence, I’ll find the gale-gale tonight, for sure, siked Ryf,…

Ep117…, determined now to save him from the gallow-fork. Leaving his gunny of love gloves in the popet’s palace porch, with… 

Ep118…his humble symmist holding a burning torch, Ryf set off nogtivigating, seeking the lighty, his heart barely beating with… 

Ep119…brokenness, his rage ripe for evenness; his mind hollow for the tickle of a troth. All amort, they searched every snicket… 

Ep120…, sliddery papal palace and a thousand Roman streets. Dejected and drubly, Ryf and Moldy drumbled to a halt. Then they…

Ep121…, saw a Romulist, rough from night-rule. Ryf called, Is there city news? Dreaded words were heard: The coney man?...

Ep122…Mistrow, maybe an hour ago, the three trees had him, mumbled the nazzy nuncio. Agrising, and aestuating with rage, … 

Ep123…Ryf pledged revenge; crying and cussing, Pribbling, poxmarked pillicocks! Fobbing, fat-kidneyed afgods! The ninnies...

Ep124…who allowed it should be ground into fex. Zounds! nodded Moldy, The nodcocks & joppes should be encaged and fed geck!

Ep125…Yes! the noddee & nodder agreed. But, chuckaby, fambled Ryf, Now, what is left? Only aleatory avenues and authorized… 

Ep126…thought-catchers? Who can we now trust on our quest? Who will unperplex and unfork the thingummy? What can enlumine our…

Ep127…dearworthy wordies? socked Ryf. And now, our poor Fool is hang’d, Moldy. The world seemed sunk in a puant pit of …

Ep128…ay-lasting alectryomachy – all hope adust, and plans to seek inspirative ideas disparpled. Ryf closed his wink-a-peeps… 

Ep129…feeling drubly & trist, with every living speech now dowly & droughty, plus each guiding word weazeny, since the scragging…

Ep130…of the songster. Mornif Moldy opened a Bologna bottle of acqua-vitae, swincked, then snored at the carfour, alongside Ryf… 

Ep131…, who figgled in his somnifery under a procellous cloud of confused compossiblity. In the grim hours of day-rawe, while … 

Ep132… dreaming of losing at both basset & loo, Ryf suddenly woke & wondered what to do - for something was nuddling his leg…

Ep133…He lay acumble, cataleptic with fear. Was it the cataglottism of a carnifex, sent by the agelast murderer of innocence… 

Ep134…and song? Moldy! Help me! susurred Ryf to his fossorial friend. But the near-sibman snored. With a scritch, Ryf kicked,…

Ep135…there was a squeal & a sob, then whust! Oh Ryf, grummede Moldy, look what you’ve done, you swelping pelting peabrain.

Ep136…Ryf rose & whewled. It wasn’t a manqueller he’d yerked but a coney, the peace-pusher’s last couthly comfort and confidant… 

Ep137…The reckling lay still as a pillow, glowing, and annealing the shadows like a pap-hawk in a Caravaggio. Then a rigsby ran…

Ep138…up, pointed at the rabbit and Ryf, That drut was sent to you by the singing-man – a living fardel of his dying words.

Ep139…Entheous words now forever lost, mambled Moldy. O wumme! cried Ryf to the ghostly coney, I leally never meant to… 

Ep140…hurt thee. I mistook thee for a missalist. Kneeling, with singults, Ryf squdged the thrummy bunny. Suddenly, it swoofed… 

Ep141… It lives! shritched our goddikin, heart-thrilled by his gowpin of living, sniffing inquisitiveness. Come, minstrel’s …

Ep142…muse, innocent witness, you’re now my chiaroscuro of mannishlaik. Let’s rouk and round, unsnarl the knots; inkle… 

Ep143…your soothly words to me. Yes, shish, quietly, for the illuminati might eavesdrop. The bedazzled bun looked loveredly … 

Ep144…into Ryf’s inly eyes, snudged, then hopped to the ground. And with a teetotum, a skip and a jump, raced down the road, … 

Ep145…waving enkerly. It’s beckoning! said Ryf with a needful neb. Come Moldy, and together they ran, craving a revelation…

Ep146…At last, words we will find, huffed Moldy. The Word…I’m sure of it! blustered Ryf, as they poppled past the praetory…

Ep147…which echoed with Pope Pesky’s shouts, Warderere! Gardyloo! Yoohoo! Down dusky rews they kept the coney’s caude in sight…

Ep148…, passing many a saucy source of tropological waggery and wit: Caravaggio’s wasty wanes; a playmonger in a white fedora…

Ep149… where a wapacut slept on the brim; the shendly inn where Falstaff fizzled and Pantagruel paggled; an apple utterer who… 

Ep150…uttered idioms. Ryf sighed as they forpassed the tod-hole where he’d nearly overwended words in the spond of a wliti wine…

Ep151… and on they fadged, fortired with following the rabbit, who now baled along the slubby banks of the timorous Tiber. Void…

Ep152…of all but the desire for a quiet quiblet, a diddy ditton, even just a jest from the jumping buck, Ryf lumpered on. Then… 
 
Ep153…in a mint-while, Moldy reared, his neb quivering in the morning mizzle. Ryf, listen! The way-witere had formelted into… 

Ep154…the mist, yet with a gutturine grinding, like the purring of a well-queme pet, it pulled them on, into the unfathomed …

Ep155…fog. I smake no hoverings, no filthy air, whispered Moldy. Nor murmelling, said Ryf as his feet chorked in the slutch…

Ep156…, rather the bray and yering of broken notes. This air is steeped in seraphic purrs and a nirth of dissonance. Hasten,…

Ep157…Moldy, I swear an iron gate is opening – that, or I’m a gongoozler. Chromatic quaverings, ferly tutlyings tugged them on…

Ep158…into the wimpling roke that quenched the throats of a gathering crowd but a few striddles away. Both smitten and…

Ep159… strucken by the swage and swell of unpredictable tangs and tones, they stumbled into the meinie of unsummable beasts and…

Ep160…their bandying and fuddled forked followers. For each floscular and fluffy thing had escorted a mort, mascle or kitling…

Ep161…to the fleam of Romulus and Remus. The chirming of the thring soon fampled Ryf’s sensorium with a dindle of both derf…

Ep162…and edmod wondrous words – as ensorcelling as the gargles in the meandering moliminous river. Words rising and gyring...

Ep163… Hwæt? Wet? Whatt? Qwat? Whar? Whi? Hwy? Whoo… Hwoo? Ooh!...such deliberation & addubitation baltered through the blore…

Ep164… Ryf and the questioning folk, in a fonding of universalisability, then opened their arms wide to the way-witeres, … 

Ep165…for an inyetting of illuminative wit or entheus. In an eie wurp, the wights leapt into the wampishing arms of their wards… 

Ep166…Tightly held, these cuddlesome creatures were neither widges nor whiddlers but whiskery whisperers of three willy words…

Ep167…, clearly heard by every hugging free-hearted questor, questant, and even some quiddlers. Each open-breasted searcher…

Ep168…stood tremulous, heart afire, full-blown intellective and inspired. Onefold Moldy, envyless of his kneesy-playing mate,…

Ep169…noddled, subrided, and wlenched as Ryf stroked the keyman’s coney and said, At the peace-pusher’s behest, dogmies are… 

Ep170…dead! (Or may be, shortly,’ added Moldy in a kindly but salted aside.) Because I, and this thriste and thrilly throng,… 

Ep171… continued Ryf, will be unbridled and blithe, and hold stithly these stover-scented creatures’ soot wisdom in mind.

Ep172…Wopi and through-thrilled, Ryf thanked the coney, cherely stroking his scut. Moldy stood thildiliche in the thickening…

Ep173…mist, metheful and thoughtsome - was it time to awaie now that Ryf’s trist was transferred to three wighty rabbity words?… 

Ep174…Was their unmeddled amicality now murksome? Would he, a moldewarp, now be no more than a mollipilose poge, or pawn, to…

Ep175…a wordsmith? Moldy delved in the brae, frighty of what Ryf might say – arrivederci? tooraloo? Stonished and upset, Ryf…  

Ep176…bushed out the bob, then begged the Oryctolagus cuniculus to hop off. Moldy fumbled and drumbled in the fanc, You’ve no …

Ep177…need of me now, the moldewarp said. Oh Moldy, don’t go, screaked Ryf, umbethink Socrates! and his mate he begriped... 

Ep178… Come now Moldy, true you’re no doddypoll nor bard, but you are my Dante, my Petrarch, my Machiavelli, and my dearest of… 

Ep179… Abelards! Now you’re a-swithering over my need for thee, because the three witter words, the flewsey wordster gave to me…

Ep180,…were already lusking in your animalia encephalon, weren’t they…eh? Moldy blushed and soakingly sucked his prepollex. …

Ep181… Yea, said he, his neb all a-grin. I did know the wordies, before you even questioned him. Come, Rosinante lured Ryf… 

Ep182…let’s scamper and skiff, find a ship, and go a-fidging – to spread our words like godlings! Moldy straitly raced after…

Ep183…Ryf, mumping thru the mist: Ryf, in that list, you forgot about Kant, didn’t you? I’m your carking Kant, too, you cockly… 

Ep184…clunter, aren’t I? Our hero pulled his subfusc mucksluff close against the chill. You & I’ve smattered muchwhat matey,

Ep185…he pattered, as they pranced to the pier. We’ve faced many-a fiddle-faddler, heard his flim-flam, balderdash and bosh,… 

Ep186…yet you were alert to every word – as cant as a kitlin, listening heedily, your wee peepers making you wary of the cecity…

Ep187… of others' squinny subjectivity. Ah Moldy, you can besmell a true word in a brabbling of banter and thimblerigging. Our… 

Ep188… two scrutineers strode like buccaneers up the embarcadero, holding fast their whithering words like flashing dirks for a…

Ep189… distant wi. The weffe of tar and salt wained them on, to the crambo-loving captain’s ship, its hold refert with pottle-…

Ep190… bottles, devil’s-books and skrits. The freebooter filled bel-accoil bowl-cups of spunkie - corn-brandy and rumbullion…

Ep191… for Ryf and Moldy – his much-missed carders, muckers and mates. Once at bree, the three crept juldily under a clout … 

Ep192…Ryf rounded his pistle of Roma – of the bouts of savagery, scoggery and unright – into the tar-pot’s ear. Greedily, the … 

Ep193…skipper in his sea-book screeved, until Ryf fell into a sloom. Sipping his shench, the slubbering ship-gume grumbled, … 

Ep194…If I’m to make a story of it, I yere a happy ending. Ah my friend,’ siked Ryf, you crave the words the coney cracked.… 

Ep195… Ryf slipped the Cap’n a notekin, upon which, the coney’s words were writ. Nearly scumming at the mouth, the amyke read:… 

Ep196… Freolaic, kindlaik, resun, ... Whannow, Ryf! There be no love words in it! What sort of truth is this? It’s all faken… 

Ep197…and frigidal!  Seely, Ryf laughed, there be love at the colk of them! And now, my winger, where are we wayfaring?… 

Ep198…The distrait scipper glouted, We’re chartered to assail oceanwards, then east. Only the man below knows our destinacy.…  

Ep199…Go, shrive him Ryf. Find out where we’re heading.  Take him his prog - this rizzar and grog. Down into the ship’s bosom… 

Ep200…Ryf fombled; hooly, Moldy followed into the creaking hold. They suddenly stopped at a rundlet, where a wretchock of a man…

Ep201…sat in the dirt, gruntling. Are you the charterer? asked Ryf. The dwarf noddled, scrabbed the peckage as Moldy gibbered… 

Ep202…Where to, Sir? The grig grinned greedily, slaking fishbones from his grab-hooks. Northerly then easterly? asked Ryf, …

Ep203…knowingly, yet yemelich. Then Ryf recognised the yegg, and yexed, I know you. There was a giggle and a nod. The friends… 

Ep204…fled. Later, all three (Ryf, the Cp’n and Moldy) stood stilly, staring across the bree. Was it really he? asked the...

Ep205…tremblin’ talpe. Ay, said Ryf and e’re long we’ll be sailing in the jaws of an epical ryne. A gelid wind gealde their…

Ep206…hearts. Moldy quaved, Then let’s unbark; it’s safer we frayste a bower in a game of cards. Ryf gravely snuffed the air… 

Ep207…and let wit, Nay Moldy, we should go where the squab takes us. Let’s rid our imaginal minds of resty ways. Let’s take a… 

Ep208…tip from the truepenny’s resilient rabbit, rationate and swap tritical theories with percipience – unclew mysteries with… 

Ep209…quaintise and experience. Besides we mustn’t lose sight of that squamulose spean, that paggling pricke, the one they call…

Ep210…Ryf charely lowered his voice…Alberich. A shudder ran thru the ship. So, crawked Moldy, I’ll be up the main mast....

Ep211…Ay, and the Cap’n will ensure our sailage is fast. And fret not, we have our freolaic, kindlaik and resun cards, beamed… 

Ep212… Ryf, as he traistily turned to check the foison of his suasory speech. See, Moldy, our cepivorous Captain isn’t afeard

Ep213… But the anecdotard skipper had just disappeared.

THE END


Tuesday 28 September 2010

Rutterkins, Ryf and the Bouncing Book – a tremefying tale in which a giant (with a tomte heart) seeks a flurch of followers

Written daily, tweeted daily Aug 09-Jan 10

Part 1

epi… ‘With a hey, and a ho, and a heynonny-no,’ twittered Mr Ryf, as he night-tripped through the orchard.…

epii…Then, by gum, a vile voice stopped him dead: ‘One more step and you’ll be a hylden, a haggersnash or a hurrion–’…

epiii… Our hero, Ryf (once upon a time a tomte, now a giant thing) screamed at the sight of a…

epiv…rutterkin. This vision of ugsumness left Mr Ryf completely terrified…

epv… The rutterkin roxled: ‘You lily-livered giant – you strut-speech Ryf, listen closely to this…

epvi…Loran.’ The rutterkin flicked a switch and the audio hissed: ‘The land of Nor’s boss, lord, beloved and most ostentiferous…

epvii…ogre speaking: You and your flothery follower are banished from Nor and its beblubbered bogs. We are confiscating…

epviii…every apple, orchard and twittering for my commercial conquering of the world. So be gone by a month’s mirknight or…

epix…there will be war …’ The tape stopped. The gubbertushed rutterkin disappeared in a spray of…

epx…pismire slime as the teary Mr Ryf, all in barlihood, crushed the rudesby rutterkin with his foot!...

epxi … Up popped a nosey nose: ‘Oh my, My Ryf. What a feff! You’ve made a verjuice of it,’ roxled his moldwarp mate, ‘And…

epxii …I hear the rumble of a million sullen-sick rutterkins crambling near. My dearest cowfyne tomte, I fear that …

epxiii…we have less than a month to prepare for a whipping war.’ Mr Ryf was in such a twee, all a-queachy and feeling guilty…

epxiv…and scraping a boot free of goo, he drumbled, ‘I’m such a croudling, a cumberworld. Darling moldywarp, what shall we do?’…

epxv…The moldwarp quoddled, ‘You must don your tweeds, and your ballop britches (because zips are too vulgar for…

epxvi…Brainbridge). Then, Mr Ryf, you must jog-trot to that crapulous capital of Campshire, and find fearless Followers who...

epxvii… will fisticuff.’ So, at dawn, the tristful tomte and true-penny moldwarp, exchanged farewell fears, then …

epxviii… a wauling Mr Ryf strode south in tailored tweeds and cocked copataine to the city of witworm fame, mumbling: ‘Googly,…

Part 2

epxiv…googly, googly,’ (thinking of a tucket of a talkie he thought he might have seen). Comforted by such tuzzymuzzy musings…

epxv…and the red ruly apple held close to his high-lone heart, Mr Ryf set off at a jeopartytrot, in a fluckadrift …

epxvi…to find rutterkin-fighting Followers. But our celibataire was soon in despair, on the rat-run road to Brainbridge…

epxvii…For the first flock of followers were a five-wit ferrywhisk of fun & frith: a jimp jemima, a jocund jo, a night-tripping…

epxviii…nanny, a fair-jannocks jester and a buncing bunny. But not a whiffinger or warmongerer amongst them. Ryf stroked his…

epxix…amulet apple and whispered the words, ‘I can’t lead such golden-sweet sequaces on a rutterkin ferd.’ And, as if...

epxx…from his Delicious Red, words filled Ryf’s unky head: ‘Tally-ho to Brainbridge! There live feisty franions who will fight…

epxxi…for sure,’ Without more causeywebs, our welwilly wonder whizzed into Campshire, then took on a wallopy gait at the sight…

epxxii…of the grammar-folks’ gates to Brainbridge. Everyone stared as he galloped through the Gogs, followed by the five-wits…

epxxiii…They tarried at a treating house in Trumpton St, and had a well-thawed game of weety winks. After squopping successes…

epxxiv…Ryf sidled out, now disguised as a sizar. He sneaked into Pepys and had pribbles and prabbles with lightfoot libidinists…

epxxv…and fizgigs who’d follow. In gardies’ cellar, they kissed the cap & glavered over Ryf’s rutterkin map. Meanwhile in Nor…

epxxvi…the land shuddered and the moldwarp mewed. Then Ryf’s wrinkly apple frightened them all with a hi-frequency fritinancy...

epxxvii…A message came through from a Queen’s College comsci: ‘You can hasten your pace with pigeons; gain 50,000 fighters in a…

epxxviii…single tweetin flight!’ After a swift meet with the Hugemm Rights, Ryf tied a missive to the writhled leg…

epxxix…of a flapping tabellarious. It said: ‘Ryf seeks Followers to fight. Meet me at the Wee-wow Tree at greking.’ …

epxxx…Wakeful Ryf, thru the night, davered in dark-house daymares – floating ice, devil’s smiles, caves of hair, fertile miles…

epxxxi… – scared that just jemmie duffs and gyrovagues might turn up. Meanwhile in Nor the land shuddered and the moldwarp…

epxxxii…mewed as ruthless rutterkins rumbled towards Spuddlham. At dawn, Ryf ran to Queens’, dreading deep-musing doppelgangers…

epxxxiii…But what a surprise, a stirring sight, as the bulldog opened the vomitory. Behind the finely farded feral bird,…

epxxxiv…glad-warbling crowds skipped freely forth, in a coranto towards the Wee-wow Tree. Ryf stood stunned by the sandillions…

epxxxv…of chucks & chaps; and with a glistening eye, spied famous familiars: a fried-bread lover, a hatless joker, mashers and…

epxxxvi…mumpers, a tabernarious trefusis and termagant of a wife; Ryf eyeballed comediographers, college commoners and ‘Lordy…

epxxxvii…oh my,’ he thought, ‘amidst this fine flurch of followers, I see a particular petanque player, a ruby spam fan, a …

epxxxviii…minimus moriarty, Brainbridge bedmakers, verecund Wagner fans, timid transcribblers, a gaudiloquent supporter of…

epxxxix…feisty folivores, and woweeee, now I see a Wildean lookalike smiling at me.’ Oh goodness, such goodness marched…

Part 3

epXL…toward the hero, giant and ever-truepenny tomte. Meanwhile in Nor, roisting, shard-borne rutterkins stripped dainty…

epXLI…trees of Ida Rems, their greylimbed armies oozing frothy phlegms into froglively bogs. And, as Ryf’s only apple …

epXLII…whinnied in his waistcoat, a little folky moldwarp was chained and chucked atop a pyre. ‘For recineration, after …

epXLIII…we’ve fired Nor,’ the rutterkins roared, deaf to a whisper from our mantic moldwarp: ‘There be a tiger-booted tomte…

epXLIV…who’ll make a tittynope of y’all, my dears.’ In Brainbridge, Ryf wiped a tear as his Followers cheered ‘Speech Speech!’…

epXLV…Ryf coughed: ‘Uhuhum’, then, ‘Tell me my Followers, Which of you shall we say doth love us most (oops by my sword, wrong…

epXLVI… speech)’. With tomte modesty, the giant spoke on: ‘Err… he today that sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother!’…

epXLVII…His Followers shuffled closer. ‘Please, Fighters step to the fore, Stretcherbearers to the aft. Swords we shall find…

epXLVIII…and onward we will march!' quothered Ryf. There was no oppilation, no lithernesse, no supplosion of feet, as the sweet…

epXLIX…determined crowd did as they were told. Yet, there was an unpredicted force involved as thousands padded aft…

epL…and only twenty frim Fighters stepped to the fore. Silent in fealtie, his Followers waited. Ryf sighed in the mebby-scales…

epLI…and wondered what to do. ‘Twenty fighters can’t defeat the rutterkins,’ he knew. Blinking at the quackled giant, the 87000…

epLII…(plus) perky pacifists smiled from the aft. Ryf reached for his Delicious Red, hoping for advice from his wordpecker mate…

epLIII…‘Dearest moldywarp, I fear I too could never raise a sword,’ whispered the giant, now a disquixotted major general’...

epLIV…But Nor was out of range, and things were getting fraught. Moldwarp had cramp atop the pyre and the rutterkins were afire…

epLV... Woeful Ryf set up an HQ at the anchor drinkery, and talked with his Fighters of the battle ahead and their weaponry…

epLVI...After a nobbler, Ryf unbosomed his core concern, ‘We can’t slay mobs of reeky rutterkins with a posy of swords!’

epLVII...Then McWallis, a pensiful fighter, placed a calling card on the table as his answer. ‘This is where you must go,’…

epLVIII ...he whispered. The grimy card read: ‘Nicknackitarian: seller of curiously mixed-up inventions, past & present.…

epLIX ... from Pullikins to Petards.’ Yarely, McWallis and Ryf strode, to a darksome door in Kettle’s Yard to buy weaponry…

epLX...‘We’ve no groats,’ said McWallis. Ryf, the giant smiled. ‘No worries,’ he chuckled, mellifluously. ‘I pocketed a shiny…

epLXI...card.’ ‘Fie Ryf, you buffoon! You’ll be in the stocks someday soon,’ replied the nimmer’s mate. Through the squeaky…

epLXII...door they walked. In the shop’s gloom, a snogly gear’d fellow (the nicknackitarian) tipped his hat (a deerstalker)…

Part 4

epLXIII..., and while Ryf exchanged grins and greetings with the ebrious aproneer, McWallis found the weapon he was seeking...

epLXIV ...‘Just the trick,’ said McWallis. ‘One of my inventions, from many moons ago.’ ‘Skybosh!’ quarked Ryf, rather rudely,…

epLXV…‘It’s just an empty book, not even an abcedary!’ Indeed the damp dimpled casing held just a wodge of pockmarked parchment…

epLXVI…‘Woot weep?' asked McWallis. ‘Do not. We shall make a weapon of this yet, or you can call me a maidenmaker!’ The…

epLXVII…bousy seller popped the book in a bag. For Ryf, he put in a free pair of Persian slippers and peccable pipe …

epLXVIII… ‘To exalt the mind, dear man,’ said the giant’s pipe-smoking, trinkling fan. Then Ryf & McWallis to the Anchor ran …

epLXIX…Smoke rose in the northeast from fiery rampallion rutterkin feasts. Dizzy with distress for his moldwarp in Nor, Ryf got…

epLXX…sick on sicer. But as he sucked on the pipe and twiddled his softly slippered toes, he was no longer temulent, but wiser…

epLXXI…‘McWallis, my man, the game is afoot! What answer lies in that free-given book? If we miscarry, Nor will quob,’ called…

epLXXII…Ryf through the pub. ‘Shush yor roozles, this is no shilling-dreadful,’ McWallis replied, tossing the book on the table…

epLXXIII…From there it bounced into the giant’s lap. ‘Lordy, my tinkering works!’ grinned McWallis. ‘This will be our birdsnie…

epLXXIV…, our blore of a bomb!’ The book’s dimples were gone, its edges rounded, & the whole was now rolled, tight as a banderol…

epLXXV…‘Let’s quother of it to your Followers,’ said the potvaliant inventor, ‘They’ll fuel this crackling cosaque with…

epLXXVI…’‘…With charactery from concupiscent mortals,’ interjected Ryf, musing upon tomte tales of scrabbled silver signatures,…

epLXXVII…and facinorous words exploding like fairie dust. The plan was set and Ryf ran ahead, into the night with their weapon…

epLXXVIII…Thereabouts the Wee-wow Tree, Ryf fimmled his homely apple-john, fearing his Followers would be flarting or gone…

epLXXIX…But there was a crowd having fun, by gum. Such a hurly-burly, a ferlie, all greeting Ryf with ale & aeipathy, on & on…

epLXXX…Our bawcock, Ryf, begged the throng, ‘I need your words for a bouncing bomb. Witwright followers, please scrawl here…

epLXXXI…& bethumpt the rutterkins with witsnapper spears. Save all in Nor, my dear moldywarp & p’rhaps the world. Now, unfurl…

epLXXXII…the parchment here.’ Scabrous sceptics, & a bigot of the year, cronked at all who ran tantivy, to sign the greenhorned…

epLXXXIII…general’s book. Ryf dared not look at the scribblings of his weety winks kin, Hugemm mates, frim fighters, pacifists…

epLXXXIV…and the wilde antinomian. Thoughts of nightshade words now plagued him. Weeping-ripe, Ryf rowned, ‘Once the battle’s done…

epLXXXV…what will I become? a fool? fustilarian? a hero or a Gilbertian? Oh my…’ Once farced with a foison of foaming words,…

epLXXXVI…the tome and its secrets were furled. And the hody-moke crowd drank a toast, as Ryf was led to an unknown aerodrome…

epLXXXVII…Roaring like ceraunoscopes, merlin-powered flying machines waited. ‘Ryf flies?’ smiled McWallis. The giant nodded,...

epLXXXVIII…having faith in his gadfly glee-dreams as a tomte. Begoggled, Ryf pushed the throttles. Deep in the belly of the…

epLXXXIX…craft lay the boudic bomb of rutterkin destruction. Ryf rose into the vacivity, singing bravely http://tiny.cc/2rckh

epXC…The sky cracked. Our airgonaut dived into the enemy flak. ‘No more mammering! I’ll save Nor and my moldwarp, & batterfang…

epXCI…those knavish cullions with this beastly bomb!’ Ryf flicked a switch. The book was released – just as his craft was hit…

epXCII…and exploded. In the bogs below, the bomb bounced, while our giant nepheliad floated earthwards. Bethumpt by sods and…

epXCIII…wappered by fire, Ryf flopped in a field of wet wooze. Spanwhengled near Spuddlham, he lay in a daze listening for the…

epXCIV...explosion. Then a flip and a flap, and the book landed on Ryf's lap, fizzing. From the mist, scuttled scabious scaly...

epXCV…lickspittles. Bearing tinder & scythes, ledgers & knives, ranks of red-eye rutterkins fleer’d at him. The Elder, an ogre…

epXCVI…poked the parchment with a mort-headed mace, ‘Ha! your bletcherous bomb & fantastical followers have failed you!’…

epXCVII…Ryf raged, ‘Read it! I dare you!’ then maffled an aside, ‘Now I’m fated to share a rutterkin grave, dug with senticous…

epXCVIII…sentences.’ Cullions’ claws unrolled the book. All amort, Ryf stood to the fore, ready to fall in flames of fulmination…

epXCIX…The ogre read. Yet no fiery blasts. To his army he said: ‘Close it. We must retreat to the Ratican. Ryf cannot be violated.’…

epC…Peace. Mirknight. Then oh joy! Dear moldwarp from the clods arose! Such croodlings & catchings-up in the softly falling snow…

epCI…Ryf stroked the scroll, ‘Why didn’t the words explode, poppet?’ ‘Ah, look here! Your Followers mistook the purpose of it…

epCII…‘See here, their quills bled not with war or rutterkin protests– for every tweet & twifable is a wuzzle of affectionosity…

epCIII…‘And Ryf, this applausive passion you inspired rid us of the rutterkins, without the loss of life! My igniparous angel…

epCIV…,your sweet power is truly heart-quaking,’ sighed the minnock moldywarp. ‘Now tarry no more, my prickmedainty tomte, for…

epCV…we must daff all & be off home for monsterful drynkyngs. Faustian friends are waiting.’ Danseyheaded & drumbled, the…

epCVI…pair joined the carousing crowd. But murklins, Ryf crept from his fervent Followers & the cataglottisms of fluffy fans…

epCVII…to fret upon his Followers: ‘How to I lead? What do they eat?’ A flower fell in Ryf’s lap & our dinkum tomte gazed about…

epCVIII…There at his back was the Wildean chap, smiling and tipping his hat…Starrified & ecstasiated, and no longer bajulating,…

epCIX…Ryf picked up the rose, adjusted his clothes and into the lief crowd he strode, knowingly, beautifully, & bursting with…

epCX…unked and unutterable love. Now a follower himself (of the Wildean man) the tweetable road looked blissfully good. THE END