ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Do You Have What It Takes to Take a Summer Friday?
“On the day of your Summer Friday, we will mark every email as urgent, and it’ll be up to you to decide whether it’s actually urgent and you need to stay to deal with it, or whether you will take your Summer Friday on principle.” -
A Brief History of Time Travel
“Researchers discovered that the past could not be altered. If you went back in time to prevent the Hindenburg disaster, whatever you did would only ensure the blimp exploded, especially if you tried stopping it by crashing a larger, more on-fire blimp into it.” -
I Was the Wedding Planner for the Guns N’ Roses “November Rain” Ceremony and Reception
PLAINTIFF: Just for the record, was this a November rain?
DEFENDANT: The wedding took place in June.
PLAINTIFF: So this wasn’t a November rain?
DEFENDANT: I don’t know the answer to that. -
Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond
An Open Letter to the University Hiring Committee
“Well, here we are again. I am sitting in my sunroom, listening to the robins, crows, and jays, and I’m trying to type out a list of all my achievements so that you will like me enough to invite me for a Zoom interview and possibly a campus visit.” -
We Are the Spiders
of This House“WE ARE THE SPIDERS OF THIS HOUSE. SHOUTING OUR MANIFESTO. AS BEST WE CAN WITHOUT VOCAL CORDS. BUT ONLY YOUR CATS CAN HEAR US. WE LAUGH IN THEIR WHISKERED FACES AS WE BUMP UGLIES BENEATH THE LOVESEAT.”
Trending
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May 30, 2024Every Conversation Between Every Parent and Their Child After One Year of College
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June 3, 2024We’re Having a Get-Together. Could You Bring Your Massive, Poorly Trained Dog?
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May 31, 2024“Why I Am Still Voting for Donald Trump” Mad Libs
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May 24, 2024I Am the Only Person on the Fury Road Who Still Drives a Sensible Car
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May 29, 2024Excerpts from an Epic Fantasy Novel Where the Protagonist Is Over Thirty
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November 19, 2010FAQ: The “Snake Fight” Portion of Your Thesis Defense
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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June 7, 2024Excerpts from The Believer: Take the W: Business Moves
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June 6, 2024Reviews of New Food: 7-Eleven French Toast Sandwich with Sausage, Egg, Cheese and Chipotle-Bacon Mayonnaise Dressing
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June 5, 2024Letters to Moms: Letter to the Virgin Mary
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June 3, 2024Sorry Not Sorry: The Pope’s Contradictory Apology
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May 31, 2024Excerpts from The Believer: Take the W: Parker
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May 30, 2024Family Tours in the Kingdom of the Sick: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Patient Portal
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May 29, 2024If They’d Told Me We Were Poor, I Would’ve Gathered More Rosebuds
Over in the Store
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“A key barometer of the literary climate.” —The New York Times
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Winner of the John Newbery Medal. "Here is a book that is truly for all ages, as only the best stories are."
—Isaac Fitzgerald, The Today Show (author's pick) -
After a half decade away, the award-winning The Believer is back at McSweeney's. Subscribe today!
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“This is the kind of magazine you keep on your bookshelves with your favorite books.”
— Cece Bell, author of El Deafo
Recent Posts
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June 5, 2024User Guide to the Relative Making You Do Tech Support
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June 4, 2024A Day in the Life of “Mister” Anthony Fauci, as Imagined by Marjorie Taylor Greene
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June 4, 2024My Life in Opposite Land
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June 3, 2024We’re Having a Get-Together. Could You Bring Your Massive, Poorly Trained Dog?
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June 3, 2024Overheard at the Lesser-Known Dinosaurs Support Group
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