How Do You Do It? | Moms of Multiples Tell It Like It Is

Time 2020-11-16 04:03:41

Web Name: How Do You Do It? | Moms of Multiples Tell It Like It Is

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How Do You Do It? Moms of Multiples Tell It Like It Is Menu and widgets My daughters started middle school this year.(Long-time readers will now join me in picking their jaws off the floor. How did they get so big?)They re taking almost all the same classes, but they re in different sections. They see each other at lunch and in science class, but otherwise do their own thing during the school day. One of them wears her glasses all the time, while the other takes them out only to read the white board. They haven t dressed alike in years.The school hosted an open house for parents after the students had time to adjust to their schedules and get to know their teachers. As I introduced myself to their teachers, pointing out the kids I belonged to, I saw realization strike over and over again. Even their science teacher, who sees them side by side in her classroom, hadn t realized that they were related to each, much less that they were identical. After all, Rodriguez is a rather common last name in Texas.I ve gone from a parent of identical twinfants who needed to help people learn to tell them apart to a parent of kids who just happen to be sisters. It s been a long transition, sometimes bumpy, but mostly gentle. There s part of me that misses the celebrity that came with being noticed as a mother of twins. The larger part, though, is so happy that each of my daughters has found her comfort zone.They love being sisters, but they don t feel the need to advertise it. Their friends see them as individuals first, but honor the primary role each plays in her sister s life. I think that s a healthy place to be.When the children were picking band instruments at the end of last year, one of my girls waffled back and back between oboe and clarinet, occasionally feeling drawn toward the trombone. The band teacher let her take her time, talking her through the roles each played in the band. When she brought up feeling conflicted about playing the same instrument as her sister (oboe), the teacher handled it perfectly. Play what you want to play. It s not about your sister. It s about you. I m in a healthy place myself. As the other teachers came to realize that these two kids in their classes were sisters, I didn t even feel the urge to point out that they were identical. As fascinating as it continues to be to me that theirs was a mono-di gestation, it has nothing to do with how each child is doing at school nor with her relationship with her teachers. It s interesting, but not instructional.I m growing up too. I m a Mom first, these days. The Mom of Twins title is far less salient than it once was.Share this... Imagine that a friend sends you a Youtube link to check out. You open it only to find that it features you… except that you never did what you see in the recording. There s someone out there who looks and moves exactly like you. Could you possibly have a long-lost twin?This is how Anaïs learned that she might have a biological sister. Samantha was adopted from South Korea when she was and raised across the Atlantic Ocean. The story of how Anaïs and Samantha learned of each other, connected, and eventually met is shared with us in intimate documentary form in Twinsters, currently streaming on Netflix in the US.My 11-year-old identical twin daughters and I watched this movie together. We knew all along that the two young women would confirm through DNA testing that they were identical twins. Still, we were swept up in the suspense as they waited for answers.As we got to know Samantha and Anaïs, one American, one French, both adopted, both artists, my daughters couldn t help but reflect on their own relationship, a connection they hold sacred and special. In one of her frequent jaw-dropping insights, M wondered out loud whether twins raised apart might become more alike than those raised together. After all, she pointed out, they don t have the same pressures on them to claim their unique identities. She s well aware that both she and her sister sometimes make choices simply to be different from one another.Although you might be tempted to head over to Netflix immediately to watch this movie with your young children, I offer a word of caution. Samantha has a foul mouth, and Anaïs isn t much better. There is a lot of casual profanity in this movie, so if that is something that bothers you, save Twinsters for the grownups. My kids are mature enough to know that hearing F-bombs used by others doesn t make using them acceptable in our family. They had already had exposure to these words at school. (In fact, the only profanity allowed in our home, by order of my daughter J, is Brad Dingleman. Jenny Lawson fans will get the reference.) Still, we discussed how uncomfortable her language made us feel and I reiterated that her swearing choices made it harder for us to connect with her.Twin expert Nancy Segal, who has been kind enough to guest post for us in the past, plays a prominent role in helping Anaïs and Sam find answers. Her understanding of twin relationships, in all their guises, has literally filled books. Even more than her presence on the screen, her understanding of twin relationships and what can make them so wondrous is apparent throughout the film.One huge thing we loved about this story is that it wasn t just about discovering twin identity. The young women also explored their identities as adoptees, as South Korean in name only, as infants given up by a woman who still insists that they were never born to her. They reconnected with the Korean women who fostered them as infants. They don t share a language with these women, but they do share love, compassion, and gratitude.While not a primary focus of Twinsters, we also get some insight into how Sam and Anaïs families deal with the shock of discovering that they have another family member out there. Obviously, families with adopted children are already ready to open their hearts to atypical relationships. Nonetheless, my heart warmed at seeing the way in which Anaïs gained not only a sister, but all her sister s brothers too. I can t even imagine the feelings the parents had, realizing that there was another child out there that could have easily been theirs.The thing about real life is that it doesn t have neat endings. The circumstances of their birth and the reasons they were split up continue to be mysteries to Anaïs and Sam. Sam embraced the exploration of her history more easily than Anaïs, for whom adoption presented a greater trauma than it did for Sam. In each other, though, they both found healing and joy.Take the time watch Twinsters (without the kids, please) and let us know what you think!Share this... My kids are totally different, I tell anyone who will listen.Identical twins aren t identical people, after all. They re siblings who happen to have matching DNA and several months as wombmates.One of my girls gets anxious more easily than the other. One is loving her Orff ensemble, while the other has us scheduled to attend a sculpture demonstration this weekend. One is all about T-shirts and sweatpants, while the other can spend an hour matching a new top to the perfect skirt.In celebrating my twin daughters as individuals, I forget, sometimes, how similar they are. Their shared DNA, the shared crucible of our single parent home, and being in the same school and extracurricular programs all contribute to similar interests and abilities.Girls Scouts: The Reality CheckI m a Girl Scout leader. Exhausting though it is, I love it. I get to have 9 extra daughters, in addition to a supportive community of other adults who mentor girls from age 5 to 18.Girl Scout meetings, field trips, and cookie sales have made me realize that my daughters are far more alike than different. While my troop runs the gamut in mathematical ability from struggling with subtraction to bored with basic algebra, my daughters are the ones who see math in everything they do. I see all sorts of behavior when the troop is together, but my girls tend to have the narrow repertoire of hard work, silliness, and sulking. My daughters are among the most extroverted in the troop. They re also the shortest.One of the moms in my troop is leading the Geocaching badge. I usually plan out badge work myself or help one or two of the girls come up with the plan. I thought it would be nice to share some hard-earned wisdom with the mom on her first badge-leading escapade:Don t assume all the girls have the same background knowledge. You may need to cover basics like the world is a sphere when explaining latitude and longitude.Then I remembered that she has two kids of different ages. She deals with different levels of knowledge and ability every single day. She doesn t need my advice on handling differences in ability. I m the one who needed that advice, because I m the one wearing identical twin blinders.Would I parent differently if I had kids of different ages with a greater variety of talents and interests? I would definitely spend more time marveling at how similar my identical twin daughters really are in contrast.Share this... It is with a heavy heart that I must tell you that Marissa s son A, an inspiration to so many, passed away yesterday. He was just a few days from his fifth birthday, which his twin brother D will celebrate alone. Help us celebrate A s life with The Barefoot Book of Children.A overcame hundreds of expectations that came with a diagnosis of a chromosomal deletion, learning to walk independently and brightening the days of those who met him. He was the inspiration for his mother s efforts to bring accessible playgrounds to Utah.Marissa asks that we remember A by sharing with as many children as we can The Barefoot Book of Children. This book shows childhood in all its diversity: the able-bodied and disabled; the rich and the poor; the rainbow of shapes, sizes, cultures, languages, and everything that enriches our experience.In A s honour, I am giving away one copy of this book to a reader. Please enter and share this far and wide. A s life was cut short far too early, but his footprint remains. This giveaway ends on January 16, 2017.a Rafflecopter giveawayUPDATE 1/12/2017Adding to this tragedy, Marissa and her family lost their home yesterday in a fire. The two surviving boys and both parents are okay. Marissa smelled the smoke and was able to get the children out in time.However, their pets did not survive. Mementos of A—his baby things and supplies that could have blessed another special needs family—did not survive. The family cars did not survive. Marissa and David will have a lot of work ahead of them to bolster the children s sense of safety, and all while they grieve A.Many generous people have stepped forward to help the Christenson-Lang family. I can t even wrap my head around so much loss being heaped on one family. You can donate financially to help them rebuild for what is left of their family at Youcaring.Share this... A Christmas wish to all NICU families. Thank you, Peekaboo ICU.SAINT NICU Twas the night before Christmas, in the neonatal intensive care,all the babies were sleeping, while sounds of alarms filled the air.The nurses making rounds, double-checking their meds,while tucking the little babies, snug deep in their beds.The stethoscopes were hung, by the preemies with care,in hopes that they would all soon, be breathing room air.When out in the hall, there arose such a clatter,the parents came running, to see what was the matter.Up from the desk, jumped all of the staff,to make sure all was well, in each baby s Giraffe.The respiratory therapist arrived on the double,but the babies were all okay, on their oxygen and bubble.The nurse practitioner was baffled, and exclaimed in a tiff, Is this really happening tonight? And on my THIRD shift? When what to their wondering eyes should appear?But a man in a suit, who loved the babies so dear.With a clipboard in hand, and a velvet satchel too,they knew at that moment; he must be St. NICU.He was dressed in red scrubs, from his tip to his toe,and wearing surgical gloves, so the germs would not grow!He was a jolly old fellow, with a few extra pounds,but that didn t stop him, from making his rounds.He saw babies in boxes, with tubes and with wires,preemies and term infants, and their parent s desires-To hold and to rock, to kiss and kangaroo;they all had Christmas wishes, but only these few.Snuggling the little one, he wrapped him so tight,he handed the baby, to his mom with delight.A smile arose from her mouth, with great joy,for this was the moment, she dreamed of having, with her boy.Visiting each baby, and their concerned parents too,He knew right away, there was something special about the NICU.Placing his hands, on each little head,kissing their foreheads, he winked, and he said: Tiny babies so strong, with determination and might,so this is where you come, to live and to fight. To breathe and to grow, and to learn how to eat,what a difficult journey, but such an amazing feat. He had a sparkle in his eye, and a hop in his step,as he approached the incubators, and whispered secrets he d kept: Precious little babies, you are loved, so dear,by your parents, your nurses, and ALL the staff here. Keep fighting the fight, and showing your power,and you will grow stronger, with each passing hour. Decorating the hallways, with ribbon and tape,he strung lights on the warmers, the ventilators, and drapes.He smiled and waved, as he passed by the cribs,and left presents of pacifiers, and cute little bibs.His mission was simple, to bring joy where there s sorrow,and to remind all of the parents, of a brighter tomorrow.This Christmas may be spent, behind the walls of the NICU,but there s love to be found here, and precious miracles too!He brought hope to the families, and smiles to the nurses,as he flew by the monitors, and placed Purell in their purses.And with a twinkle and a twirl, he disappeared out of sight,But not before he exclaimed, Merry Christmas to all and keep up the fight! © 2014-2016 Peekaboo ICU, LLCShare this... Thank you to all who read, commented, liked, and shared our review of Twinspiration, the fabulous new edition by Cheryl Lage!Twinspiration is a fantastic resource for expecting and new MoMs (and Double Daddies)![I can t type that without saying, WHY didn t someone put a copy of this book in my hands when I was pregnant with my twins???  I know without a doubt it would have calmed a lot of my fears, made me feel more in control and made me feel a little less CrAzY a time or two!!!]Now without further ado the WINNERS of the signed copies are Amy P.Brenda H.Ingrid S.CONGRATULATIONS!!!  Cheryl will be in touch with you directly to get your contact information.  And I hope you enjoy this book as much as I did!And please continue to share the word about Twinspiration!  What a blessing it is for the multiples community!~MandyEShare this... Preemie. What image does that bring to mind?To many people, the term preemie is meaningless. To some, preemie calls up a perfect tiny newborn.When I hear it, the word preemie makes my stomach sink, just a little.I know, viscerally and completely, that my 10-year-old daughters are smart, healthy, talented, and vibrant. Any obstacles that their premature birth once presented have been left far behind us. However, there s a part of me that will always quiver at the reminder of how close we came to losing them. I can t help but be humbled by the strength of their 4-lb bodies as they fought to breathe, digest, and eat when they should have been serenely safe in my womb.Today, on Prematurity Awareness Day, I wear my special shirt. Read the stories of the HDYDI preemies from across the years.Share this... The only item received in exchange for this review was the HDYDI16 discount code for all InchBug products.Parents have to label everything. Jackets, shoes, bottles, sippy cups. Every item that could come unattached from a child must be labelled. For those of us with identical twins, even the children need to be labelled for the first few days of daycare or school.It only took a couple of washes for me to realize just how impermanent permanent marker really is on plastic and glass.In addition to packing a diaper bag or backpack every day for daycare, I needed to relabel everything for my twin daughters. On the rare occasion that the permanent marker persisted, I was annoyed that the item couldn t be switched between my children. I m cantankerous like that.Enter my friend Sara. A great friend listens to you complain while you bounce three babies on your combined hips. The best of friends goes home, does some research, and gives you an actual solution to your quandary as first birthday gifts for your daughters.Sara gave me packages of personalized InchBug orbit labels. You just put them on cups or bottles like a snug bracelet. They go on and off easily and can stay on in the dishwasher.I now had 4 labels each with my daughters first names on them on high quality plastic that could stretch and contract to fit around any bottle, snack cup, or sippy cup I dared throw at it.How do I know it s high quality? Until we finally lost the last one with its water bottle a few weeks ago at Girl Scout camp, these babies gave us a full 10 years of faithful service, running through the dishwasher surely hundreds of times. A decade, people. Name two other things that your kid can use for 10 years. (Classic books are the first exception. That s why I asked for two.)A massive plus for us is the fact that every label comes with embossed print on the front and Braille on the back. We have a friend two doors down who happens to be blind. We re very aware of how a seemingly small gesture like Brailling labels can open the world up to her.Imagine my delight when Kayla at InchBug asked if I d like to offer you all a 15% coupon of everything in the InchBug store. The coupon code is HDYDI16.Personally, I can only speak to the exceptional quality and usefulness of the Orbit labels. However, InchBug offers other products, including adhesive labels for clothes, books, backpacks, and the like. They also sell the snazzy looking and practical MyDrinky.MyDrinky is a solution to squeezed juice boxes. You know when you re taking a long car ride, and you stick a straw in a juice box and hand it back to your kid, and you hear Uh oh and know that it s going to be a really long day? Just me? MyDrinky lets your kid drink his drink without risky an inadverent squeeze that doubles your laundry load.InchBug also sells sippy cups, water bottles, and other stuff, but their real strength, in my opinion, lies in these one-of-a-kind products that have stood the test of time. Again, our InchBug coupon code is HDYDI16, good through November 10. You won t regret trying them out.Share this... Proudly powered by WordPressSadia is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com. Third party vendors, including Google, use cookies to serve ads on certain high-traffic posts, based on a user's prior visits to How Do You Do It?. Google's use of the DoubleClick cookie enables it and its partners to serve ads to you based on your visit to this and/or other sites on the Internet. 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