Skyler Thomas | The real who I amas I see me

Time 2020-12-15 04:03:11

Web Name: Skyler Thomas | The real who I amas I see me

WebSite: http://www.skylerthomas.com

ID:134517

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The,real,Skyler,

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Wrestles nights.I can’t sleep.It just seems like the burdens are building.And growing before my very eyes.Like mountains in front of me.And then…the avalanche happens.And I can’t move…in any direction.Freezing my steps…in my tracks.I can’t move.And I give up. I give in. I’m done.Oh, I’m so done.Oh Lord, let not Satan take my life in this way.You said, “Trust me.”You said, “Let me take the burden.”But it seems, to me, the burden is me.It seems, to me, the burden is my cage.And everywhere I go…there I am.In my cage.Please, unlock the door.Release the bondage of my chains.Please, oh please, move the mountain.With the swipe of your hand.Today, it’s a fresh start.You’ve released me.But I look around.And all I see is pain and suffering in this world.That doesn’t give me much hope.It makes me sad.In fact, it makes me wonder, What kind of God you are?Because there are so many that will suffer in pain.Calling out to you, many will die in pain.On this day, today, many will die, crying out to you.If you don’t care for them, how can you care for me?I wring my hands in grief.I wring my hands for the loss of those near me.And deep in my soul, I have doubts.I wonder.Why don’t you care?Please place your hand on my loved ones and bring your healingPlease release them from this temporary pain, and make it go awayIf it be your will, breath new life into their lungsAnd spare them this time from the graveI fail, constantly, it seems. There s no other way to explain it.I can t excuse it. I can t change it. I m a mess.I will fix it. I will rely on my own two hands.To maneuver my way; dodging; escaping the situation.Oh God, let not my will, but your will be done.I ll get out of your way; and simply bow to my kneesI ll ask, and seek and knock…and let you do the rest as you will.And regardless of the outcome; I ll remain faithful to you.We are made for community…and not to stand alone.And the prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.Elijah was a man with a nature like ours,And he prayed fervently that it might not rain,And for three years and six months it did not rain on the earth.Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.May our prayers be as faithful as Elijah.Who was diligent; unswerving; and enduring in his prayerThat over the long haul, we may receive the blessing as he did.Time will heal…Every mistake…Every loss…Every wound…Every wrong-doing…Every abuse…Every tragedy…Every painJust give it more timeEventually you ll be fineYou ll see, just trustThe pain will go awayIt won t hurt so much tomorrowEventually you ll forgetYou won t feel so badJust give it timeJust give itJustMore timeTimeEchoing in your brainThe words are bouncingOff the wallsOff the walls of an echo chamberThe echo chamber between your earsTimeTimeTimeTIMETIMETIMEAnd finally you screamYou don t want to hear it any moreFalling to your kneesWrapped up like a ball of stringWrapping your arms tightlyTightly around your stomachYour head between your kneesAnd you cry deeplyYou bawl out in anguishUntil silently you crySo much you cryUntil the tearsUntil the tears are dryIn anguishYou cryAlone you cryAll alone you cryAnd wonder whyYou wonder whyWhy this works for everyone elseBut not for youWhy not for you? What s wrong with me? Oh God, what s wrong with me? Why am I the only one? Why doesn t Time heal me? You dare not tell anyoneYou can t talk to anyoneThey would think you are crazyCrazy in the headYou re brokenYou can t be fixedYou deserve what you getAnd one dayOne dayYou read a bookAnd you decideSure you can beat this thingAll you have to do is one simple thingJust follow one simple ruleIt s simpleYou just have follow one simple ruleYou just have to fake itThat s itYou just have to fake itFake it until you make itFake it until youFake it untilFake itUntil you Make ItBut until thenWhat do you do?Until then…what?What do you do…in the mean…time?In the nightIn The middle of the nightIn the night the voices callThey call out your nameBringing you backBack againBack to the nightmareTo the nightmare of your painTo when it happenedTo the place it happenedTo hear the soundsTo smell the stenchTo see the tragedyTo the place where it all beganYou try to silence themSilence them any way you canBut you can t dodge the truthBecause truth won t runThe truth won t run, like you doTruth stands steadyLike the immovable objectTruth won t budgeAnd in the morning you tell yourself it ll be okayAnd that you re gonna get better on another dayFinallyFinally it s morningYou slam the alarmYou cover your headBeating your pillowYou wish you were deadAnd then you awakeYou finally awakeYou wake to realizeNothing has changedNothingNot a thingNo it s all the sameYou re living another groundhog dayAnd all of thisAll of this journeyIs the endless cycleSo craftily spunSo craftily spun by the Evil OneTo keep you from God s Love and GraceTo keep you from seeing His Holy FaceTo keep you locked in your own prison cellTo keep you from drinking water from the wellFrom the well of Everlasting refreshmentFrom the well of Everlasting healingDown deep you know it s a lieBecause you knowIf time were the only thingThen you d be getting betterWith the passing of every dayBut here s the honest to God truthYes, it will take timeBut you already knew thatYou already knew it would take timeBut time isn t all it takesThere s one more thing you don t want to doAnd you know that tooBecause it s going to be hardYou know that tooIt s going to be hardYou must digYou must dig a little deeperYou must dig into the scarsYou must dig a little deeperTo cut through the scar tissueTo cut through the scar tissue that has you fooledTo cut through the scar to get to the original painTo open up that woundTo open the wound you don t want to openYou gotta dig deeperYou gotta dig a little deeperTo open the woundSo it can drainSo it can drain the toxins that are keeping you downSo it can drain the toxins and heal againYes, it s scaryIt s downright frightening if you think you re all aloneIf you think you have no one there to help youYes, it s scary as hellBut it doesn t have to beAnd for this to work you can t numb this painYou can t tip the bottle dryYou can t swallow that pillYou can t inhale that dragAnd you can t snort that lineNo no…It s going to hurt like hellBut that s what it takesSo you can feel againSo you can laugh againSo you can cry real tears againSo you can feel real pain againSo you can experience real joy againSo you can live againSo you can love againBut here s the thing…You don t have to do this alone…If all you will do is tell someone Ephesians: God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.I can’t fake itI can’t shake itI can’t make them… go awayThe voices in my head screamingSkeletons I can t slayIt s as it should beIt’s my fate to disown meAm I up or am I chicAm I in or am I meekWhat’s right, what’s sleekWhat’s good, what s weakWhat s pure, who s the freak it s meI can’t seem to sort it outI just want to shout… Please God, help me I pray Release me from the fray Of the choices that I weigh Of the voices leading me to stray away That’s the chaos of my lifeIt’s the result of my strifeTo not know where to turnToward the peace that I yearnSo what should I doHow can I be true to myself and to youAnd then your voice the only sane voice says to me… STOP!! And make a decision. Silence now I can hearYour voice alone is clearLifted is the fearI can feel you for you are nearAll I have to doIs turn toward youAnd get untangled from the viewThat I’m not loved by youBut that you do love me, it’s trueNo matter what.I know what I need to do…I just need to STOP!! And make a decision.When I see life from your view.I realize it wasn t you who flew away.Again I hear Your voiceJust the whisper of Your voicePleading with me to turn away from the mess I createdTo simply turn around and walk toward Your TruthI just need to STOP!! And make a decision.And so I did turnI took one step, just one step…and then another…I heard You say, “Give me your burdenAnd I will take care of you”How do I trust after all these years of hardnessFor my shame is great, my faith is weak, and I’m tiredBut I heard You say, “Come to MeAnd I will give you rest”Eternal rest. THAT is what I want. THAT is what I need.There is Hell on Earth…and it’s called separation from You.There is Heaven on Earth…and it’s called Your Grace.Grace, grace, God’s grace,Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;Grace, grace, God’s grace,Grace that is greater than all my sin!Copyright © 2019 by Skyler Thomashttp://www.skylerthomas.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/BLOOM-HERE.mp3LyricsThe proud warrior stood in the face of his enemyTo battle with all of his mightThe crowd gathered roundThey were filled with intensityTo see who would win in the fightNow most folks would cheer for the proud warrior s legacyHoping for bloodshed and deathThe time was approachingThe battle was almost hereWhen from the shadows the lamb now appearedOffering a rose to the warrior that dayIn total humility and loveBut the proud warrior offered no more than a swordAs the battle had finally begunThe news spread like wildfireThe warrior was victorious and strongBut history would prove that his victory wasn t victory at allAnd pride goes before a fallThe lamb died that day for us allThe masses continued to follow the warriorSo proud of the wars he had wonBut for those who believed in the humble contenderThey bowed the knee for what he had doneThey sang Jesus Rose of Sharon bloom here within my heartBloom here with radiance, humility and loveBloom here within my heartJust as I Am, oh Lamb of God (Repeat)Lamb of God Copyright © 2016 by Skyler ThomasOriginal WritingThe proud warrior stood in the face of his enemy to fightGiving it his all with every strength, every weapon and all his mightThe crowd gathered around as the intensity did growWaiting to see what weapons they would choose; who would deliver the final blowMost cheered for the proud warrior, much fewer for the contenderThey were hoping for bloodshed and violence, and that the other would have to surrenderChronos the battle time came nearThe time was approaching as the intensity grew strongerWhen will the battle start?, they asked how much longer?As the lamb of God in starking humility approached the proud warrior from the shadowsHe reached out his hand and simply offered the proud warrior a roseAnd with one blow after another, the proud warrior offered to the crowd a slayingThe crowd cheered in delight; but there remained a handful who dropped to their knees and started prayingThe news spread like wildfire; how the proud warrior was victorious and strongBut history would prove this victory wasn’t a victory at all, as the score of this battle was called wrongKairos the battle was not overThe masses continued to follow the proud warrior because they themselves were proudBut the lamb of God had a remnant of believers, and to him they humbly bowedCopyright © 2016 by Skyler ThomasAnd together, they sang:Jesus Rose of Sharon, bloom within my heart.Bloom in radiance and in love within my heart.Just As I Am O Lamb Of God Lyrics by Horace L. Hastings Sawgrass Lake Park, St. Petersburg, FL, Copyright © 2014 by SkylerThomasTHIS is my swamp My skin is thick and tough… so that I no longer have to be vulnerable to the pain that surrounds me.My fighting skills are honed and advanced… so that I can aggressively and fiercely shred any foe that attacks me.I can submerge and hide for long periods of time… to avoid uncomfortable confrontation.I can adapt to my surroundings here in my swamp… so that I can be… unaffected unmoved unshaken un-convicted of what might otherwise appear to be a… murky dirty polluted environment.This is MY swamp It is my sanctuary. It is my cocoon.It is… my death trap.I did not always live in my swamp.In fact, I was not made to be able to survive in my swamp.I had to become… to adapt to adjust to evolve into what I have become in order to survive the toxic conditions that exist in my swamp.This is my SWAMP…And only I can make the decision to continue dying here… or to choose life outside of my swamp.What’s it going to be?Copyright © 2014 by SkylerThomasThe following pictures were taken at Sawgrass Lake Park, St. Petersburg, FLCopyright © 2014 by SkylerThomas Copyright © 2014 by SkylerThomasWhat can wash away my shameOr will I forever in its grip remainSqueezing all life out of my soulLeaving me to rot in the grave, in this holeHave I walked too far beyond the boundary of graceLooking inward and seeing nothing of value to embraceLeaving me to fend for myself in this muck and mireSlipping faster and faster to my death of desireI didn t think this was supposed to happen this wayHave you turned your back on me, anxious to betrayOr maybe you are powerless to do anythingOr you simply won t touch the sins that I bringChronos…time marches on…But then what?So let s say the answers aren t found in the liquor storeOr the drag I inhale is just a drag and nothing moreOr maybe there s nothing to the line on the tableOr the prick of a needle is nothing but a harmless fableWhat if there is nothing to anythingWhat if it doesn t matter and there s nothing after this worthless flingWhat if the glass isn t half fullWhat if it s not half empty eitherWhat if it does not even existChronos…time marches on…But then what?From the pain comes ambiguityWhich brings more confusionOnly to result in obfuscationWhich turns to apathyAnd finally oblivionAnd then the numbing beginsUntil I ve arrived at my destination……Unconscious immorality…A total lack of caringI haven t lost anythingBecause I have nothing to loseChronos…time marches on…But then what?So if there are no answersThis should bring me peace and contentmentRight?Then how come when sobriety returns…I m not in my happy place?Why do I long for something more?When I don t even know what that something is?How come if there are no answers…I keep seeking for them?As if through my journey I will find the answers?As if there really is something greater than me?Looking around I think I ve discovered itI think I ve found it!!I get it now!!This…this place…this time in history is what the world calls enlightenment!!I read it in the blogsI see and hear it in the vlogsIt screams at me through Facebook and TwitterReally?That s it?That s the face of Truth?Are you sure?How am I supposed to act and behave?Am I supposed to bow down to the beholders of such enlightenment?The ones who think they know it all and think they are the most tolerantThe ones who walk the red carpetOr the ones who lead the protests…no, the ones who fund the protestsThis is it, the epicenter of knowledge and wisdom…as a society we have arrived, haven t we?Kairos…in His time…But then what?It is in that place You whisper to me, that I am created in Your imageYou called us sons and daughters of the most High GodYou clothed us with Your mercy on the crossAnd I drop to my knees before You, in the shadow of Your graceAnd then You stop this whirlwind of confusionI don’t move in any directionI bow downAnd the roar of the world is gone for a momentAnd I listenAnd I hear Your voiceJust the whisper of Your voicePleading with me to turn away from that messTo simply turn around and walk toward Your TruthAnd so I did turnI took one step, just one step…and then another…I heard You say, Give me your burdenAnd I will take care of you How do I trust after all these years of hardnessFor my shame is great, my faith is weak, and I’m tiredI heard You say, Come to MeAnd I will give you rest Eternal rest. THAT is what I want. THAT is what I need.There is Hell on Earth…and it s called separation from You.There is Heaven on Earth…and it s called Your Grace.Grace, grace, God’s grace,Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;Grace, grace, God’s grace,Grace that is greater than all my sin! Genesis: So God created human beings in his own image.You may struggle, like me, to know GodSometimes I feel I have been misled by people claiming to know GodAnd them trying to convince me that I do not know God in the right wayAnd that I must follow their version of Truth, whatever that may beWhile even I applaud their passion, I feel at times it is misguided in selfish ambitionAs if they get points if I sign up to be on their team; join their churchBut, I want to know God on my terms…or rather, on His terms for meI cannot deny His existence; I will notNeither do I choose a mediocre ambivalenceMaybe I want something more meaningful than a passive aggressionLet s just say I DO want to know God; to seek Him; truly seek HimWhere shall I start?To be made in the image of God?What does that mean?Does it mean I am like Him……In His wisdom? In His knowledge? In His power? In His supremacy?Exactly how am I made in the image of God?I think HE even said I am made in HIS imageHE said that…the one who claims to have made MEClearly though……I am not almighty I am not omniscient I am not omnipotent I am not invincible I am not the creator of all thingsI m not even like Captain Marvel or any of the Super Heroes; Let alone GodI m just little ole meBut I am MEAnd HE said I am made in HIS imageTruth is… I act out imperfection I act out weakness…I act out failure…I even act out not wanting to be loved or acceptedBut……I am not failure…I am not imperfection…I am not weakness…I am worthy of love…I am worthy of acceptance…I am worthy to attain beyond what my flesh canBecause… HE said so…and HE said I am made in HIS imageI can deny it…I can ignore it…I can turn and run away from it…I can close my eyes…I can cover my ears…I can pretend not to see or hear itOr…I can recognize it…for what it isI can acknowledge it .for what it isI can embrace it…for what it isEmbrace what, you ask?That I am made for emotion…That I am made for love…That I am made for acceptance…That I am made for being valued…That I am made for compassion…That I am made for connection…to be more than just me…That I am made for Worship of the One who made me in HIS image…just as I amThat’s how I’m wired…That’s how I’m created…In the image of GodTherefore because I am made in HIS image, I bow down…and worship YOU, oh GodCopyright © 2017 by Skyler Thomas Galatians 5:22-23 New International VersionBut the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.A prayer Lord, our eyes are on youTo accept the love of your graceFully embracing joy and its healing powerSeeking your peace amidst today’s chaosShowing others patience even when we are wrongedTreating others with the kindness we wish to receiveBeing an example of goodness in the face of evilLiving out integrity as you exemplify integrity in your faithfulness to usGranting others gentleness instead of judgmentWalking hand-in-hand with the Spirit of self-controlLord, our eyes are on youCopyright © 2014 by Skyler Thomas St. Augustine, FL Lighthouse Copyright © 2014 by SkylerThomasThen Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)One StepI get a knot in my stomach when I think about how far I must climb.All I can see right now is the hardship of getting there.It seems daunting… and I know there will be sweat and exhaustion involved and there will be times when I fall down and there will be times when I feel like giving up and there will be times when I think it’s not worth itBut then You remind me… those thoughts are coming from the one who wants me to fail and You promise me, I don’t have to do this alone You will be there every step of the way and others will help me to pull me up and to climb to the top, beside meI don’t have to take it all at once… and there will be times of rest. and there will be times when I can stop .and enjoy the view out the windows which will get better and better the higher I go.And I don’t have to jump to the top all at once all I have to do is take one step at a timeCopyright © 2014 by SkylerThomas Gulfport, FL Copyright © 2017 by SkylerThomasThe light of the Sun shines down upon meI see the colors of the rainbow all aroundThe warmth fills my soul and I am happyI can t get enough of this great feelingSo I stare at the Sun with eyes wide openUntil I am blinded and I can see no moreHeaven shine your light down on meShine your light that I may seeThe coolness of the rain refreshes my soulI dance like a child enjoying its miracleI can t get enough of the claps of lightning and rolls of thunderI climb to the mountain top to experience its fullnessFrom its peak I reach high with arms spread wideI am struck by lightning and burned to the coreHeaven shine your light down on meShine your light that I may seeThe ocean waves crash with power to the shoreSand between my toes, I step in the water pushed to and froI know if I can get out there beyond the shore, I will experience their greatest mightSo I grab my dinghy, raising its sails highLeaving the safety of the harbor to be surrounded by waves of beautyThe perfect storm engulfs me in its power and I am no moreHeaven shine your light down on meShine your light that I may seeFrom the base of the mountain I see the flames of fire shooting highAs if calling me to come closer to study its spectacleCamera in hand I capture picture after picture of its evolving creationOf a mountain being created from the core of the earthNot heeding the warnings of its pending eruptionI am buried by the ashes, frozen in time by the cooling lavaHeaven shine your light down on meShine your light that I may seeFor in all the power and beauty contained in this EarthThere is a delicate balance to be understood and respectedFor life out of balance is an act of destructionLearning this balance is what our journey is aboutTo sprout forth new life from the disaster we have createdAnd allow His Holy Spirit to restore us to healingHeaven shine your light down on meShine your light so that I will be freeCopyright © 2014 by SkylerThomasRevision 20150101a Oklahoma City, Lake Hefner; Living Waters Edge Copyright © 2014 by SkylerThomasHave you ever wanted a miracleBut felt unworthy to pleadHave you felt like a lost causeweighed down, never to be freedAll you could do was crawl in a holeNever to be heard from or seenGiving up a life of purposeGiving up hope to be clean Shouting out to God in your angerWhy not me Lord, why am I not deservingIf you were truly a God of love and compassionYou are the one I would be servingWalking away into the nightYour heart hardened, you have no regretYour hopes crushed to have a SaviorSomeone who loves you, who will pay your debt -Have you ever seen a miraclein the life of another soulHave you ever witnessed the gratitudethat comes by making one wholeIt’s a beauty that’s indescribableA gift from the One aboveFilled with so much awe and wonderIt is truly a gift of love That gift is yours for the takingAll you have to do is askBut you will never be able to come cleanIf you continue to wear your maskHow do you break free from yourselfFrom the bondage that’s keeping you a slaveYou have to lift your hands to the one aboveFor He is the only one who can save -Come to the living water’s edgeAnd feel the power of healingIt is a miracle you can receiveThe love of the Savior revealingYou will be free from your own bondageTo be made whole againGive Him your burden, completely your burdenHe will cleanse you from all your sin Have you ever seen a miraclein the life of your own soulHave you ever poured out your gratitudethat comes by making you wholeIt’s a beauty that’s indescribableA gift from the One aboveFilled with so much awe and wonderIt is truly a gift of loveCopyright © 2014 by SkylerThomas“What could this be?”“Lex Talionis, the Law of Retaliation on me you bestow?”“An eye for eye?”“A tooth for a tooth, is this what you think I owe?”“Is this all I’ve become?”“Nothing more than the bitter daggers I throw?”It says to me,“There’s another way the Spirit wants you to know.”“You must remember.”“For that’s the only way forgiveness can let go.”It reaches for my handAnd drags me through the darkness at first slowFaster and faster it pullsThen turns and says, “You want to get well, no?”We journey through the nightFor miles and miles until we can see the Sun s glowFrom the hill above, I look downI see hundreds, or maybe thousands of people I knowI descend to the valleyListening to their stories, walking among them to-and-froThe silhouette walks away, turning back to say,“Now it’s your time to remember and let forgiveness grow.” The dawning sun throws brilliant colors across the canvas of the skyIt’s a new day, a new beginning, a new chance to experience lifeLet me forget the failures of the past and engulf myself in the fullness of the NOWInhaling the goodness and fullness of His Spirit, taking in the beauty of His creationWith anticipation of all today brings, I will lean into the possibilities that await meI will open every door and every window of opportunity and grab them with gustoAnd then it happens like it has dozens of times before…I hear a songI see a pictureWords are spokenThoughts intrudeEmotions unwindI’m a failureI’m unworthyI’m hopelessI can’tI won’tI give upIt’s not worth itI’m not enoughIt’s time to quitI can’t go onChronos – time marches onI find myself in the bizarre Whack-a-Mole fight for my lifeI whack the mole of failure, but unworthiness pops up its ugly headI whack the mole of unworthiness, but hopelessness pops up its ugly headWith every tick of the clock, it’s another moleBoom Whack On and on and on Boom Whack Beating down addictions, defeating thoughts, destructive emotions and isolating behaviorsWhen will this end, this endless game of self-defeat?Kairos – His time is now the right time is nowAnd His Spirit speaks to my soul and whispers unplug the game And the clock stops… everything goes dark …silence surrounds me……the game is over……and in that moment I know……I’m going to be ok…The dawning sun throws brilliant colors across the canvas of the skyIt’s a new day, a new beginning, a new chance to experience lifeLet me forget the failures of the past and engulf myself in the fullness of the NOWInhaling the goodness and fullness of His Spirit, taking in the beauty of His creationWith anticipation of all today brings, I will lean into the possibilities that await meI will open every door and every window of opportunity and grab them with gustoAnd the sun setsAnd the moon and stars shine brightAnd my head rests on my pillowAnd His Spirit comforts meIt’s been a good dayLet me do THAT again tomorrowCopyright © 2014 by SkylerThomasX marks the spot …and so I shall dig into the discomfort to uncover why I feel damnedI can t blame anotherFor the failings that are mineI m the one who must take responsibilityFor who I defineMea culpa (Latin: through my fault)I will no longer denyThe damage that I have doneAnd the life that is a lieX marks the spot……and so I shall dig into the denial to uncover what I don’t want to seeIt s time to turn this aroundTo become the person I want to beTo live a life of freedomAnd receive all that God wants for meFor God has made me specialUnique in every wayTo live a life for His gloryAnd get the most of every dayX marks the spot……and so I shall dig to reveal the bounty which God has stored up for meCopyright © 2014 by SkylerThomasRevision 20150101a

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