Lotfy

Time 2020-11-21 08:03:26

Web Name: Lotfy

WebSite: http://www.sandmonkey.org

ID:122617

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2019 was the year where nothing worked out the way I planned,but somehow, the year has ended without ending me. I guess that’s all any of us can ask for these days. Thatand not being bankrupt. Ahh.. the perks of living in the darkest timeline.……………There is doomsday clock that got erected in the neighborhoodwhere I work. It’s not really a doomsday clock, but it might as well be. Itcounts down the years, days, minutes and seconds until it is too late to stopclimate change. It’s for anxie…I mean awareness. It’s for awareness and stuff. I fucking hate it.The first time I saw it was after a particularly long daythat capped off a horrible couple of weeks, and yet somehow it felt worse thanall of those horrible weeks combined. I found myself yelling at it and giving itthe finger in front a captivated audience of white passers-by. Not my shiniest “goodimmigrant” moment tbh.I am sorry. I am just not cool with having anxiety andawareness becoming synonyms. I know that anxiety-inducement has become the measureof success of all social campaigns, the same way the crowning achievements ofsome social movement is how many words you can ban from popular usage, but canwe like not? Seriously, can we please stop with this let’s fill you withanxiety about how threatening the future is crap? All it does is make me feelmore helpless about my future, and I am not sure that’s helpful or is thedesired effect. Also, I am not really sure which apocalypse will get me first. I mean will it be global warming and rising sea levels? Will automation get me, and will AI replace me? Or will it be a Malthusian crisis? Or the drinking water apocalypse? Or will it be a global pandemic caused by super bacteria or prehistoric viruses unleashed by defrosting icebergs? And let’s not forget the good old-fashioned world war apocalypse caused by the insanity of the leaders of nuclear powers cause, you know, that train is never late. It feels as if we are all playing a game of “Genocide Bingo”.Which calamity will it be? WHAT WILL FINALLY GET US AND HOW MUCH SHOULD YOU BECONCERNED? What will kill YOU? You wanna know? You sure? Ok.Cancer. Cancer will kill you. Cancer will kill us all. Or atleast half of everyone we know and care about, way before any of those otherthings. I know… It’s not as glam or cinematic as any of the other apocalypticoptions. After my father died, Egypt went insane for a month,followed by two month of destroying the neighborhood I grew up in Cairo,Heliopolis. Classical architecture being demolished, green spaces destroyed,trees removed and 6 bridges in an area of 2 kilometers were being built. It was Cairo’s prettiest neighborhood in my opinion, the only neighbourhood I loved, and the one neighbourhood with actual sidewalks and like..urban planning. Growing up there in the halcyon days of the 80’s, when it was still clean and empty and iconic, was good for the soul. During winter days it exuded apricity, especially compared to the travesty that is Cairo’s other neighborhoods, or, you know, its newly developed suburbs. If Egypt was an ashtray (97% sand, yo), then Heliopolis was the Oasis. I thought my life would get better once I figured out that anxiety was essentially a hallucination. Just a bunch of thoughts and irrational fears that somehow manifest to make you feel physical sensations that are not real. Like the weighted anxiety, you know, the one that feels as if some gelatinous jelly-fish like creature with tentacles weighing on your chest and moving under your skin? You know that one? The moment I realized that it wasn’t real, the weight vanished. I was ecstatic. For like two weeks.I don’t mean to brag, but like I’ve been through all formsof anxiety this year. Like all of them. In case you didn’t know, that’s a laudable achievement in my generation. My generation is all about bonding over our anxieties. Having multiple ones makes you a higher rank of human or something.Unlike weighted anxiety, crippling anxiety was as weightlessas it was effective, and it is all about lethargy, demotivation and time-wasting.Whatever I had to do that was good for me either financially, physically orcareer-wise, it made sure I wouldn’t do it or get it done. The fire that was inme, that got me through all those years? It was out.It was also the first time I realized that my brain doesn’tlisten to me, but it wasn’t the last time. I went from not being able to move,to doing whatever is the opposite of what could make you get better.You decide to quit smoking, and you end up watching yourbody moving towards the stairs to buy cigarettes. You decide to diet, and youwatch your hand ordering pizza online. You join a gym? You will never leaveyour bed in the morning to go. You will do these things in astonishment becauseyou also have no idea how or when or why you lost control of your body and itsactions.Imagine a rebellion against your own betterment launched byyour body; A punishment for wanting the life you could have. This is your brainon crippling anxiety.I got myself finally out of it after spending months asking it: “What do you want? What will it take you to get out of it? When will this punishment end?”Annihilation, it said. It will end with your annihilation. Itwill continue to destroy everything until you eventually kill yourself, sincethere is no future or point. This is not punishment, it said. The world ispunishment. Life is punishment. Why even try? Because Life is short, I said. Life is short and I am one of the people who is blessed with knowing that you can literally do anything in this world you want to do. Here is a list of all the things I want to do and learn, and you keep me from doing them or sticking to them; always making me wait, until I waste all my time and my life. Shit, my insomnia is primarily fueled by all the possible lives that I’m not living, but could be, if I just stuck to my plans.“His character is drawn so as to make him peculiarly fitted to suffer acutely in the adventure to which he is destined”J.R.R. Tolkein“Be aware of your own bullshit. Don’t allow your mind to bully you.”MoiMost of our insecurities do not fade with age, so it helpsto face them quickly and decisively. And since I’ve become insecure about mywriting, well, here we are.When you stop writing, you lose your sense of language andyour sense of rhythm, and those two things are far more important than talent. Talenton its own isn’t what makes you a great writer; It’s your love and passion forwriting that makes you a great writer. It’s what makes you work on it. It’swhat keeps you going. Getting back on that horse, after taking a long hiatus, is oneof the hardest things any writer goes through. But it must be done. So, here weare.Ps: The writer who doesn’t write is a modern-day cliché. Also a Jerk. Don’t be that person.I pointed to the sound of sputtering rain outside. Sure, it isn’tthe cloudburst that it was half an hour ago, but you can still clearly hear thesound of drizzle. She laughed and clarified that she meant the storm that wasthis past year.“Everyone seems to have had a YEAR, but everyoneseems somewhat better for it. Happier even.”I wanted to tell her that any time happiness reared its shiny head in my life this past year, it was both evanescent and vestigial. But I didn’t. It sounded both whiney and pretentious, so I nodded.With her optimistic youthful enthusiasm, she explained how everythingthat happened has put her in the right mindset and motivation to solve theproblems of her life. Then I made the requisite “I am not trying to rain on yourpositivity” and “You should totally do this” disclaimers, before I said: “But here is the truth: There is no final solution to mostof your life problems. There is no manual or way to stabilize your gains. Yousolve them this year they return three years later. There is no solving Life.” I feared I sounded dramatic; she thought it was profound andhelpful, and then started to send it to some of her friends. It will make themfeel better, she said. 2019 was a dumpster fire. That entire decade was if one washonest. One giant dumpster fire that burned through everyone and every-thing. Strangely and unexpectedly I kept being alive when I shouldhave been burning. Bite me, Joan of Arc, you fuckin loser.But throughout it I did everything to avoid conflicts: I walked away from fights; withdrew myself from toxic situations and dynamics; Talked shit out with frenemies; Tried to make peace with those who really wanted to make me their enemy. I did everything I could think of to have peace and stability, and 2019’s response was the middle finger, and the realization that, sometimes, everything you do is not enough to keep the peace.I wanted peace in a time of conflict, which is a rookiemistake. I should’ve known better. Won’t happen again, just like this hiatus I havebeen on.Oh yes. The writing hiatus is over. This is not a randomlong rambling post. No No. This is not a one-off. This is a harbinger of thingsto come. Something to fill the lacuna of the past few years.It took me a year, but I managed to finally restart that fire in me. About damn time too. As the events of the Egyptian Economic Development Conference have come to a close, with over 1700 investors’ attending and $50 billion dollars of aid, investments and pledges made to Egypt, it’s time to take stock of what it all means to Egypt, both domestically and internationally. While many of you outside of Egypt might not have heard of the conference or even wonder about the significance of an economic conference to begin with, the view from inside Egypt could not be more different. For the majority of the Egyptian public, this was the most important event of 2015: It was Egypt’s coming out party; the social ball of the season, with the Egyptian government playing the role of the sole debutante.The reception of the conference by the Egyptian public has been nothing short of positive, with the local media covering every detail and social media timelines positively buzzing with conversations on its organization, execution and the positive sentiments its attendees expressed regarding the future of the country. The amount of goodwill it generated towards the Sisi government could not be overstated, especially in contrast to the litany of news about daily bombings, austerity measures- both enacted and proposed- and horrifying deaths caused by ISIS or ISIS affiliates, the notorious Egyptian ministry of Interior, or incompetency and pure negligence. With the government hyping up the conference for the past few months as Egypt’s main chance of survival amidst a regional sea of chaos, its success in terms of drawing international figures, lack of organizational hick-ups and the absence of “security incidences” has made it nothing short of a triumph in the eyes of the Egyptian middle-class. For the first time in ages, Egypt looked- for a lack of a better word- shiny.As far as Sisi and his government are concerned, this conference was a much-needed kiss of life. After a year filled with subsidy cuts, rising prices, embarrassing security leaks, and well-documented horrifying cases of human rights abuses both on the hands of the police and the judiciary, the government’s desperately needed an “achievement” to show the people. Sisi, on the other hand, needed to showcase that he had the international legitimacy that all of his previous predecessors’ – including Morsi and Mubarak-enjoyed. This event’s success would mark the end of Egypt’s international isolation since June 30, one that his critics attribute solely to his decision to run for office after deposing previous Islamist President Mohamed Morsi. By drawing in Western diplomats, MNC’s and heads of state, Sisi can finally silence his critics and showcase his ability to bring Egypt back into the international fold and bring in much needed foreign investments. It doesn’t matter that none of this would’ve happened if his regime wasn’t backed by Saudi Arabia and the UAE, who have certainly helped bring in the international business community; in the end, it’s Sisi who ended up getting all the credit. The Irony here is that, if you speak to the people involved in organizing the conference, it all almost fell apart thanks to Sisi’s government, specifically the Ministry of International Cooperation.The story goes as follows: The EECD is officially the show of the Egyptian ministry of Investments, who worked closely with many in the Egyptian private sector and international consultants, to ensure that it all came out perfect, with the Emiratis footing the bill. However, in compliance to Egyptian bureaucracy, the UAE couldn’t pay them directly, so they have to send the money through the ministry of International cooperation, which is responsible for receiving all international aid and is supposed to act as a funnel for the money, and nothing more. However, anyone who works in civil society in Egypt knows that the MIC resents being simply a conduit between foreign donors and local partners, especially those who they had no influence in choosing or approving. So in order to gain influence, the Ministry of International cooperation end up doing the one thing they are not supposed to do: they obstruct.The MIC either outright refuses to release the money, or delays it as much as humanely possible. Why? Some claim that they do so to earn as many interest points as they can on the money going through their bank-accounts, but the reality is that they do this because it gives them leverage and importance, a role if you will. This is their M.O. with all the local NGO’s for the past decade, and they didn’t change it when it came to the EECD’s money. They delayed the payment of the international organizers to the point that they- much to the chagrin of the UAE who had sent the money long ago- threatened to pull the plug on the conference mere weeks of its launch if they don’t get paid. It was then and only then that the MIC finally released the money, preventing the EEDC from becoming an international fiasco and ruining the hard work of everybody involved. To be fair though, the MIC isn’t the only government institution that used obstructionism as method for leverage and power when it came to this conference; the entire Egyptian state – with the exception of the ministry of investment- did in fact.Foreign Investors have two main problems when it comes to investing in Egypt, and both were not addressed in the new Investment law: 1) The State’s land zoning and allocation: knowing which land in Egypt is allocated to which government body to facilitate the process of buying it, and 2) Being able to get their money or profits out when they chose to. The first problem exists because it would require the military to clearly state which land belongs to them and to allocate the rest to the different ministries and municipalities, which means that the military would have to publically state which land belongs to them, and to give up land under their control, neither of which they want to do. This leaves any potential investor without the proper information necessary to 1) plan his/her investment, whether it was industrial, real estate, touristic, agricultural, mining, i.e. any investment that requires land purchase, and 2) know which governmental body to go to in order to purchase that land they wish to acquire. This naturally limits potential foreign investors from investing in Egypt, which limits the FDI dollars sorely needed in the country to solve problem #2, being able to transfer foreign currency out. Both problems would be resolved if the military cooperated and the state created a clear land allocation map for Egypt, but the military obstructed for the aforementioned reasons, and the country ends up with only a fraction of the investments it sorely needs to jumpstart the economy.The good news is, much like the MIC and the conference money, the military will eventually be forced to stop its obstructionism and work with the rest of the state to create that map, which would not only benefit foreign investors, but local ones as well. They will do so because they have no choice, and because goodwill and PR can only take you so far before economic realities slap you in the face, and they will sooner than later. The old state needs to learn that having their cake and eating it too will not work for long in a country this hungry, and that instead of using obstructionism to gain influence or retain interests, they might have to also work and compromise in order to get Egypt back on its feet. Egyptians have patiently accommodated painful austerity measures and higher taxes as part of the price to pay to get the country moving; its high-time for the government to do the same. ناس كتيرة علمانية جابتهم علي التايملاين لما السيسي إدي خطاب أن الأزهر محتاج ثورة دينية ، عشان كل واحد فسرها بطريقته.  بس هم كلهم فهموها غلط الصراحة. عاوزين تعرفوا يعني إيه نعمل ثورة دينية بالنسبة للسيسى؟ يبقي أسألو نفسكم با لنسبة للسيسى يعني إيه تعمل ثورة.عشان تبقي عملت ثورة، يبقي لازم تقبض علي أعداء الثورة، عشان أي ثورة لازم يبقي ليها أعداء، و القبض عليهم ده أثبات و أنجاز في نفس الوقت. زي القبض علي مبارك كده كان أثبات و أنجاز ثورة يناير كده. و القبض علي الأخوان أثبات و أنجاز تلاتين يونيو.طب مين أعداء الثورة الدينية اللي حيتقبض عليهم؟ يووه..كتير. أي حد مش عاجبهم كلامه و حركاته أو يتعارض مع ثورة الاسلام الوسطي الجميل. يعني ناس في الأزهر مش تبعهم أو ميالين للأخوان ماشي، سلفيين ماشي، شباب في جامعة الأزهر ماشي. تمام كده معاك أخي العلماني؟ طب بس ماتنساش أنها ثورة دينية بتدافع عن نفسها ضد كل أعداء الاسلام الوسطي الجميل، يعني برضه نقبض علي بهائيين ماشي، شيعة ماشي، ملحدين ماشي و علمانين ماشي. إيوا طبعا. أحنا حنهرج؟ أمال حنسيبهم كده كأن ثورة لم تقم؟ أحنا بندافع عن الاسلام الوسطي الجميل ضد كل أعدائه من المتطرفين، و دول طبعا طالما مش بيتبعوه يبقوا أساسي من أعدائه و لازم يتقبض عليهم فورا. أمال يعني أحنا عملنا ثورة ليه؟ January 5, 2015 Uncategorized | Comments Off on Cheating Reality Cheating Reality When people ask me why i ve stopped writing regularly, my response is usually what is there to write about? . Their universal response is usually giving me this sympathetic smile and say something akin to I can t blame you. It s becoming too dangerous , and then they change the subject as if attempting to evade a topic of embarrassment to me. I allow them to do this, to have them assume that my silence is out of cowardice, because it s the easiest and fastest way to end the conversation. The truth is I wish I had the wisdom to not write due to self-preservation, but this is not the case. I ve stopped writing simply because writing about Egypt these days is like writing another round-up of this week s most unfortunate events: It s boring. It s like tweeting from the Titanic. How many times can you possibly say we are sinking. This is not going well. #saveus #thebandiskillingitthough before it just becomes spam? Somehow talking that you are still alive but not in optimal condition when so many around you are dying just seems like bad form. Whining is so 2013 anyway..Many have taken not keeping up with the news as their defence mechanism against depression, but I am the total opposite. Our insane news keeps me sane and happy due to my love of everything absurd. Reading Egyptian news is like watching an entire channel of the Daily show with John stewart that just writes itself. Discussing the news with others becomes a sociological study about mass denial, no matter what their ideological inclinations may be. Between Revolutionaries who see the end of Sisi looming on the horizon and Egypt turning into Syria any minute now, and Sisi supporters who see nothing but a road to prosperity and stability for years to come, I find myself contemplating the scope of generational cousin-fucking their families must ve engaged in to produce a population that is so mentally ehh..limited. We are after all the people who build on farmland and then complain that we don t have enough water to farm in the desert, so someone has definitely pissed in our gene pool.Given that its been almost 2 weeks on this blog s 10th year anniversary, I find myself uncharacteristically laconic. So allow me to give you some short-takes of what s to come, because who needs another long rant anyway?1) Stop whining about our judiciary: No one in Egypt actually wants rule of law. We are the land of do-as-you-please because everything is negotiable and based on sentiment. That s all.2) It s been said that the only way for Morsy to leave power is through spilling blood. Ironically, that s the only way Sisi will be able to keep his. Jails and cemeteries are about to become growth industries around here. Invest in that.3) Our next parliamentary elections will have political factions competing on who supports our President more, so you can imagine how high the stakes are this time around.4) Egyptians are far too lazy a population to engage in a civil war, so don t worry too much about our stability. Chaos is kind of our thing, anyway.5) The entire country doesn t suffer from PTSD as one recent article has suggested, because that would mean we are in the post-trauma phase. We suffer from CTSD: Continuous Traumatic Stress Disorder. We long for PTSD. Would be nice.6) The region is in a state of war, and Egypt is an integral part of this war, and the world wants Egypt in this war, so its government has a global get-out-of-jail card regarding anything it wants to do internally. Too bad Egypt won t fight this war.

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