I Hate My Parents Journal
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10:16 pm - I Wish I was normal
troytoria1
I was always a happy child.I was also a Huge daddy's girl.We did literally everything together.I could tell you how he taught me how to ride my like it was yesterday.My entire life turned into shit on August 25 2007 . I was 8 years old on that rainy day, I came home early in the morning from a friend's house .When I stepped into my house, I automatically knew something was wrong.My mom and brother were sitting in the living room with their heads down.There was a horrible feeling just lingering in the air I was actually afraid but i didn't know why.When my looked up I could tell my mom had been crying for hours.Then without me asking, she told me my father was arrested for rape,kidnap,robbery,and aggravated assault.I didn't believe her so i looked around the house, I thought it was some sick joke, but I didn't see any sign of my dad.Once i knew my dad was gone I didn't cry,but inside i felt dead and miserable,my entire life from that day seemed like a living nightmare.
I was in the sixth grade.At school i had two great friends and being at home was always a challenge.I was always arguing with my step dad Carlos,and surprisingly my mom always took his side.she was becoming a real bitch.My brother seemed to like carols and I couldn't imagine why. he was a complete thug and he was in and out of jail.One day my brother and i got into a big fight.I exploded I fell on the ground and starting screaming,crying,and hitting my head against the wall,I was even kicking my legs.To make matters worse my brother was provoking me.I felt destroyed.I wasn't crying because of my brother or throwing some tantrum that all 11 year olds have.I was crying for everything that happened to me and everything that i was going through.My mom put me outside to cool off but I couldn't stop crying.When i looked in the window of my room my older brother was sticking his tongue at me.That was it for me, near by me was a long sliver nail. I grabbed it and engraved a square box on my left wrist.I was on the top of my wrist not the bottom.I had to hide my scar so I put two bandages on it and no one asked me why.Clear liquid and blood always leaked from it and i know it had to heal fast because I couldn't think of an excuse for the square mark on my wrist.That was the first time I cut myself.Then we moved again up the street from were i used to live.I was 12 in the seventh grade gifted classes.I became even more depressed.At school I loved it I found two new best friends,people who accept me,and teachers who comfort me school couldn't be any more perfect.It was my only escape from home.For me home was a reminder how what my life is not worth living.When I look at my mom I see a completely different person which reminds me of a person who I lost to Carlos Some one on the streets.When I look at my apartment it reminds me of my old house.Everything was wrong and is still wrong in my fucked up life.My mom betrayed me to carols.Every time he had a problem with me that he over exaggerated about my mom was willing to whip me for him and his desires.She said it herself that he was a sensitive person and sensitive people blow thing out of proportion.I t got to the point that I hated my mom brother and broken family.I was cutting the bottom of my wrist on a daily basis and I knew it wasn't healthy so I forced my self to stop.I have gone 3 weeks without harming my self i am trying so hard to get my life back together by me self.It may sound easy but for a 13 year old girl it seems impossible.I don't know what to do.when I am at school I am happy, at home I am angry and sad.I always get irritated when anyone says anything to me especially my mom. I keep trying to understand why I cant have a normal life like any other 13 year old girl.I am suppose to be getting mad at my mom for the expensive phone she wont get me but in stead I am depressed and wasting my youth the times that I will never get back.Please, tell me what I should do, because for the first time in my life, I feel completely alone.Please help me. :(
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Saturday, August 9th, 20146:54 pm - I'm only writing this one timeanonedaeLet me stress that this family is legal. Don't go private investigating and calling the cops or some shit. I can live through this. My entire family will. Our lives aren't in danger but mine will be if you take away my motivation to keep on going which is because of these obstacles.
I won't reveal much about my identity other than the fact that I have a few more years to go. Im using my phone BTW.
My family is full of assholes. Including me, but everything all started from my parents.
Let's start with the less severe problems.
My older sister and brother are bitches to me, constantly taking my parents side for the sake of their well-being. Funny, cause my dad kicked them out. They're legal though. They think my younger brother is an angel despite knowing he's fucking annoying and bothers the entire family. My sister is a bitch, misunderstands and puts words in my mouth. She freaks over everything I say taking it the wrong way. They constantly compare me to my younger brother in attitude. But its cause they bitch at me first. Wtf do u expect? O great Deity let me kiss your fuckibg feet?
My older brother has the same problems as my sister, but he's worse cause he calls me nasty things like fucking cunt, little twat, fucking bitch. You name it. One time I accidentally took his lunch for school cause my fucked up dad has a sissy fit and didn't make my brother and I lunches and there was nothing but meat in the fridge (didn't have enough time for that) when I got back my brother threw a tantrum and called me an attention whore and a little slut. Then he said sorry but I deserved it? Wtf? Who in the world deserves your name calling? Then he told me that he loved me. No joke when he said loved, ya not anymore.
Now my younger brother. I love him but he doesn't understand that. Just because I say I hate him sometimes when he really goes over the top and annoys me to hell like randomly punching me or screaming at me for no reason hehe thinks I hate him. Now that he's older, he talks back to me without logic and tried to pick every possible fight with me. He also talks shit, cusses and talks about dirty things with his internet friends but for some reason my older siblings looks past that.
Step-dad #2.
He is a living worse-than-hell hell.
So much to say but let's just say he's a cunt to my entire family and the root of all our stress. He's bipolar and he threatens, and used to abuse my brother and I back then. Now he verbally abuses us to the point where I question my sanity. Im litteraly thinking of suicide everyday because of him, but I'm too much of a wimp, and I don't want to give up life because of my familys mistakes. That's the only real reason why I'm living and not cutting. The reason why he's so bad is because he also sexually..touches me. But not to the point where its illegal, just like a father to daughter kibs of thing when he's in a happy mood except I find it creepy. And the bipolar thing, he switches moods so fast. I think this is the main reason why he's a bigger cunt than many abusive fathers. Hes really nice at some points and it gives me hope, than he crushes it all when he goes rampage super saiyan mode. Which is every other half hour. Hes insane. I believe so, I cannot speak further as to why though. Too much.
Mother.
Fucking mother. I hate her to the point where I just recognize her as a pathetic woman, just fuckibg being my step dads slave. Gets beaten yelled at and all that other shit but she just decides to suffer through him. And it is her fault when she can easily leave. She's also just a regular bitchy mom. She can't speak to me without yelling because she has problems, and tells me to kill myself indirectly and she thinks im mental when I tell her to leave me alone after she tells me she wish I never existed. She lives only to obey my insane stepfather's commands.
Me
I talk back because I try to voice my thoughts. And that's what makes me an ahole apparently.
Although I assure you I don't actually give attitude.
Only to my siblings so they fucking realize I'm human too.
...my entire family complains about me and it's dumb because im probably the normal one out of them all. Even though I contemplate suicide. I dont even bitch to my family and im doing alright academically. My friend and her family supports me however and they're a big part as to why I enjoy life sometimes.
I definitely however do plan on cutting ties. Sometimes... Your friends are your family. You're all you got, in the end though.
Anyway, I believe I've got a gist of what life tastes like so far and I'm looking forward to every obstacle to come because undeniably it will shape me into a stronger person. No I am not insane, or broken. Just at times...but I've got plenty of good things in my life to not kill myself. :)
I won't reveal anything else. This is only meant to relate.
Written by a nobody finding the meaning of life
Loljk that's way too cheesy for my own good.
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Thursday, October 24th, 20139:24 pm - Parents Never Understandmirox123My sister and I both agreed that once we turned 18, we're packing our bags and moving the hell out of our shitty house. Unfortunately, I still have 3 years to go, while she has less than a year.My parents are rude, mean, and misunderstanding. This might sound pathetic to you guys, but it truly hurts me emotionally and mentally. I swear my mom tries to get me mad on purpose, bossing me around and making me do almost everything around the house. I can tell both of my parents don't give a shit about me. The only thing they do care about is my grades. If I have one missing assignment, I automatically can't do anything for the weekend and they take my phone away. They don't understand that school isn't the easiest thing in the world. Then, right when I get home from WALKING home from school, they immediately scold me for not doing my chores and yell because I have clothes on my bedroom floor. Yesterday morning, my mom woke me up early and yelled at me for losing her hairbrush. I told them I didn't lose it but I would help them find it. Then, my dad kept saying "She probably brought it to school and lost it!" loudly and calling me irresponsible. I constantly told them I didn't have it and they wouldn't listen to me. My sister finally found it in the bathroom where it was suppose to be. Then, when I went back into bed, they proceeded to scream at me for not having my room clean. Angry and annoyed, I said "Shut up!". I didn't think they heard me, but my mom instantly grounded me for the weekend, which is the first playoff game for our football team and my best friends party, and took away my phone for two weeks. After I apologized and even wrote them a note apologizing, my mom said it depended on my attitude. The next day (today) I cleaned the whole house before they got home from work and I didn't sass off once. When I asked if I could go to the game, they started yelling at me and said no because I still had an attitude. I hate them so much and this isn't the first time they've done things like this either.
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Wednesday, August 28th, 20139:04 am - My fathernobodyimpOkay, this is just a normal rant about my father, probably not as bad as other people who post here.
*sigh* Where do I begin...? He is kinda an alcoholic, wherever he is, he needs a bottle of alcohol to satisfy his needs. He rarely vistits me and my sister, only once a year for a day, and my and my sister both hate that day. We hate my dad a lot, he is very mean to us, always putting us down and threatening us when he doesn't get his way sometimes. He hasn't gone through with his threats (Not that I know of), but every time he arrives, he just calls me or my sister, and then starts the yelling and swearing. He has called me a useless piece of shit without a brain that plays to much computer, also much worse which I don't feel like mentioning. He is also always saying that I need to learn a lot more of these complicated stuff. Im. 12. Years. Old. I don't even know what those freaking things mean or are. He also swears at anyone who makes a tiny little mistake, for example, a waitress. Wrong order? He says, and I quote, "You little piece of ****, that's not what I ****cking said.
He rarely is nice to anybody. Once, when I was 10, he was saying the normal stuff like, Oh you are a idiot who is stupid etc. He picked up a call, suddenly acts all nice and starts sweet talking the guy on the other phone. I was just standing there for a minute, when he noticed me, he was like, "Shoo Shoo, I don't have time for you".
Also, he is very mean to my whole family, including my mother. Once, when he was waiting at a train station and we were late because he called last min, (Late by like 5 min) He started swearing and putting my mother down and said that he didn't need us and he and my mom got in a big fight, in the end, he slammed the door on the car and went to get a taxi. (Me and my sister were both in the car) When he left my mother was on the verge of tears. After a year he comes to visit again, acts like everything is normal and goes through normal routine. (Putting down me and my sis, swearing, drinking.) Then, he wanted to have dinner with his 'family'. My sisters friend came, he acted all nice and asked her if she wanted to come with us, she said no thank you sir. Stays for a while, and my sister leaves with her to dinner. When my dad and us, (Me, mom, grandma.) He started saying crap about how my sister is so stupid, etc. He also said if she disrespects him one more time (Going without waving), he was going to break her legs so she couldn't leave. Now my mother and my grandma most of time follow him around with out questioning, but my mom sometimes stands up to him. I also feel like this marriage is on the edge.
Even though he provides me with everything, I don't think it gives him the right to do all those things, like looking at me like im worth nothing.
current mood: crushed
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Thursday, June 6th, 201312:57 pm - This regards any parent who claims to be "Christian" and yet enrages their offspring!stopallevil"And you fathers, don't provoke your children to wrath ..."
St. Paul the Apostle wrote that decree, not once, but instead TWICE, in two separate epistles (both the epistle to the Ephesians and the epistle to the Colossians).
"don't provoke your offspring/children to wrath, but raise them in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord"
(to the Ephesians)
This seems to imply that provoking one's offspring to wrath is NOT of God.
Also:
"You fathers, don't provoke your offspring/children to wrath, lest they be (strongly) discouraged (lose hope)"
(to the Colossians)
This seems to mean that three things, that both (1) to provoke offspring to wrath is repugnant to Christian teachings, both in and of itself, and also because (2) it is the sort of emotional torture that causes despair/discouragement, and (3) such despair/discouragement is definitely NOT of God in Christ.
What does this all mean? Well, if your parents, especially your father, professes to be a "Christian", then he has no business to verbally, physically, or in any other ways torment you!
I say this because I'm frankly tired of so-called "Christian" parents who prance around thumping the Bible or claiming to have the Holy Spirit/Holy Ghost, or whatnot, and then go acting like the Devil towards their offspring of any age! Evil Christians must be stopped!
Also, you do not need to be a believer to claim your rights as the offspring to any Christian parents: if your parents, especially your father, profess to be Christian, then they have the Scriptural obligation, as written TWICE by St. Paul, to always be decent towards you.
Now, don't rebuke them or bring up the subject of their despicable behavior, but do tell people until somebody defends you against evil parents. Instead, consider telling their pastors -- and if the pastors refuse to help you, then probably their so-called "Christian" church is in the wrong and those "Christian" people are no better than some sort of heretical cult who deserve nothing short of your contempt.
I'm also tempted to suggest that you web-search the subject of parental behavior, at least in the more extreme cases of parental malfeasance. Some websites, such as some psych websites, do seem to understand when parents are acting intolerably nasty, although I don't always agree with the suggested "cure" for impossible parents. But do feel free to explore, anyway. Good luck.
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Wednesday, January 1st, 200312:32 am - MY MOMS PSYCHO!
ext_1150104I guess its because my parents grew up in another country, idk. My mom just really pisses me off that I cant stand to talk to her at times. She handles me with kid gloves and doesnt get that Im 21!!!!! I mentioned living on campus last time she pissed me off and I overheard her talking to my sister about how Im still young. This pisses me off because I AM 21!!!! She is just soo ridiculous and always in my business. She doesnt let me go anywhere and goes crazy if Im gone for a second longer than she feels I should. She looks depressed and worried even when Im just going out to the gas station or to throw some trash downstairs. Shes wayyyyyy OVERPROTECTIVE!!! She calls and calls everytime Im gone and doesnt understand that I can pretty much take care of myself. Honestly, Im much more suited to be out there on my own than she is, seeing as she didnt grow up in America ! She asks for my help on soo many things, from setting alarm clocks to checking things online to understanding words on a document and despite all this, its like she still thinks Im a baby that is incapable of functioning without her watch. I feel like I have no life and I dont know what to do because I feel like Ill reach 30 and regret never having gone out with my friends, partied or even anything. My demands from her arent even crazy!! Im not even into going out that much but Id just like a little respect from her and for her to say hey, I raised a good girl and she can handle herself. Its almost like she thinks the only reason Im a good person is because Im on her watch. Theres definitely a double standard to it too because when my bro was even younger than me, he was allowed to do as he pleased!! With me and my sisters, weve always been handled with kid gloves and Im realizing nothing will stop her insanity. I thought never asking her for money, working, being in college, getting my drivers license (still need a car tho) would do it but Im starting to see, its in her mind and nothing anyone does will change her. She also tries to run my life as far as which schools I should attend, how I should spend my money, how I should style my hair etc. I hate how she always gives advice when it isnt asked of her. She loves putting us all down as well. She is always gossiping about one of us as soon as we leave the room, she is soo childish its sad. She has the nerve to ask for my trust and for me to come talk to her, but I dont understand how I am to do that knowing that what I tell her in confidence will be shared with everyone in the family!!! She was even mad that I wasnt going to study to be a lawyer and instead I will be pursuing a business degree. She acts like its all soooo easy and she just wants whatever is better to show off to her friends at work. She mentioned how she lies to her co-workers that we all attend prestigious schools and are studying either law or medicine. This is really hurtful to members of the family who decided college werent for them. She refers to herself as a loser because she didnt go to college. Im like thinking wake up!! College isnt for everyone and she should be proud of herself for raising 5 kids in a foreign land and getting her nursing assistant license but she doesnt see any of this. She indirectly makes it clear that we are all disappointments to her and are not living up to her standards. She tries to live through us and run our lives and even wants input on who we marry. Some people may ask why I even live here but its like with our culture, my parents expect me to not live on my own until Ive at least finished college and got a decent job. My sister just got fed up with her ways and had runaway and not talked to us for YEARS!! She was tired of living with no freedom, no space to make choices of your own. I just dont get how we can learn to do the right thing without watch when we live on our own if weve never been left to our own mind. Ive tried talking to her but she takes it wrong an argument comes from it and I also get very pissed and get emotional and start crying and cant get my point across. Im just tired and near that breaking point. Its too much!!! I really think she panics in her head everytime we step out the door. She thinks its good parenting but handling your children like boxes marked fragile will only make them resent you! If she treats us like this b/c she is scared of us having sex or getting pregnant, thats stupid because no amount of restriction could stop that if its someones choice. She just needs to wakeup! I wish I could print this letter and have her read it and her actually understand. She acts like she was never at this age. I hope Im nothing like her if I have kids one day. I hope I remember how much I resented and hated her at times and always felt she thought I was a disappointment and blamed me for all her problems and that Im nothing like that to my own children!!!
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Saturday, February 25th, 201211:15 am - mujjtabaI am 23 years old, and completely damaged and fucked up by my parents. Mostly by my father. Yes, 23, still fucked up, still unable to get away from it all. I am trapped, caged, suicidal and completely devoid of life from the inside.
I will write more later. This is all too mcuh.
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Tuesday, January 10th, 20124:49 pm - its killing memiddie8okay, im not a complainer. but lately, i just really need someone to vent to.
no, my mom isnt physically abusive. i mean shes thrown things at me before, but thats about it.
but i honestly believe shes emotionally/verbally abusive.
Oh, and none of this has to do with my dad. i like my dad. we never fight at all and get along really well.
So anyways. my parents are in the process of divorcing. theyve always despised each other and its been really hard because i have to hear everything negative about them from the other parent. in all my life, Ive never felt like Ive had a stable family. i could go on and on and on about the problems of our family relationships, buts thats not what Im here for.
I need to know if Im crazy and over sensitive, or if my mom really is being emotionally abusive. i dont know and i need help.
So, whenever my mom is the slightest bit upset with me, she completely goes off. now, i am quite a quiet person and talking about issues works a MILLION times better for me than being SCREAMED AT in the face.
my mom has like, anger management issues. shes always stressed because she doesnt like her life and i hate mine too, so us together is just not a good combination. she drinks ALOT and Im pretty sure shes an alcoholic. whenever she drinks she gets a hundred times meaner.
So she yells at me at the top of her lungs, saying Im a worthless and disgusting bitch, and that she hates me, and that she doesnt wanna see my face, and that my attitude is repulsive just like my dads.she calls me an idiot, a retard, a freak, she says i need to be in a mental hospital just because i cry when she yells at me. she says i need therapy and she actually forced me to go to it at one point. and she says Im a slut, when Im only fourteen, Ive never gone past kissing, i dont even have a boyfriend currently, Ive only had one before. when i try to say Im sorry when shes yelling at me she doesnt accept it and she just acts like a four year old and repeats youre a fucking bitch in my face over and over so that I dont have any chance to talk.
I used to get so upset when this would happen. Now that Im getting older, Ive been starting to talk back to her, and it scares me. I feel like i really am becoming a bitch, and Im learning it from her. i dont know what to do.
I get straight As, i have all my life. i have the highest possible GPA you can have. I am passionate about music and sports, i have great friends, (but who are useless when it comes to advice), and i NEVER ask for ANYTHING. my mom says Im arrogant because i dont thank her ENOUGH for things she gets me.
Im a really independent person and i love to fend for myself. yes i appreciate my moms kindness but sometimes i feel like she babies me and it annoys me. So apparently, whenever i say thank you to her, its not sincere enough, and she ends up calling me a disgusting bitch that shell never be proud of.
Does that sound like she overreacts? or is it just me? I makes me feel like shit all the time. i feel worthless. Im terrified of her, and i just feel like thats not a healthy relationship. ever since i was eleven Ive been having suicidal thoughts and i occasionally cut myself. Ive come so close to killing myself. most of my nights, i beg God to take me away from my life. I think that a ton of it has to do with my mom.
Does anyone have advice?
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Friday, December 23rd, 20113:56 am - I hate my life.
ext_946953No, I dont like to complain. My parents rarely ever hit me. Im not like most people on this website. But I now have somewhere to retreat to, a place I can call my proper home. So, this has been happening all of my life. My parents have tried to make me stop treating them like my own shite, but it doesnt work. They cant stop me and they never fucking will!
My mum always screams at me and slaps me to get out of bed, she shakes the actual bed, which is dangerous considering I have a wardrobe, a desk, shelves and drawers under there, so I need a ladder to get up there, and if I fall down like I did when I was little, its all over. They always try to make me shut up. My dad swears at me and shouts at me, calls me names and he rarely ever hits me but I love him with my hearts content, because hes funny and he only screams at me, hits me and cusses when hes mad. And I understand why, because im awfully cheeky but sometimes neither of them can accept the way I was born and they probably never will! My mum is pretty decent when she fucking wants to be. She picks her times though, yknow, when my baby, 6-month old brother is around. I have two brothers and one sister, who get treated with loyalty but they get hit and sworn at too. But not my baby brother, nooo, hes better than all of us! My mum can make him laugh, it will make me happy and then I get along with her for a day or two but then shell get me mad at me again.
Its like I, the eldest of them all *not my parents* were a mistake. I usually feel like im the result of a bed, a drunken married couple with no protection. I dont even get why they fucked to create me. They go on about how I used to be a fucking little cutie pie when I was a baby but then I grew into a shit faced twat. I think I made this all sound bad, but its not.
Most of this happens on rare occasions, on bad months. Not bad days, not bad weeks, but bad MONTHS. I love my life about a quarter of the time, I have a dog, three great siblings and fairly cool parents (who abuse me on certain months)
current mood: bitchy
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Tuesday, November 15th, 20117:10 pmzinki03my parents always think that im the worst child on the earth cause of little white lies. yess i know lieing is bad but i lie for good reasons. also since im a teenage girl im still babyd. my parents dont even let me do anything that every body else is doing. no not sex but like hanging out, going to parties or the mall, or even getting a jod to get my own money or buy clothes that show a little skin. my parents get mad over every little thing they over reacted to the max. one day i was walking home fromo school witha couple of friends and i just happend to have 5 dollors saved so we chose to go in to a store and just buy one little thing so i bougt lip gloss as soon as i get home everything is normal when my mom finds it and i tell her the story he filps out complety. my mom could be such a stubborn little brat its not even funny. i can get in trouble when my dads not home and then as soon as the time past and then my dad gets home she just happeneds to reapeat what happened so my dad can be informed. also when we are fighting up in my room and im talking normally she yells at the top of her lungs so that my dad can hear her and help her out. this only happens when i actualy have point and im actually stanidn up for my slef. another thing my parents have so sense of hurmor whats.so.ever. i called my mom crazy once after she was done yelling at me and she goes and hits me. thats i get hit by my parents. not alot but every now and then. they are seriously the most annoying people ever. also they think that im such a horrible child i dont even do anything remotely bad. i dont give them trouble from teachers calling home about me getting in trouble in school, or even finding out that ive been done drugs or having sex cause i sseriously dont do any of those things im consider myslef a child who actually know right from wrong but my parents dont see that. and dont get me started on boys. a couple of times at school i did touch a guys abs when he had his shirt on nothing was off and my mom just happens to be there and she sees it i come home and i hear about it over and over. and sometimes when i give my friends a ride home me and my friend we waiting for my home and as we were waiting we were talking to some guy friends of ours. we get pick up and my mom of course has t be complaining. i really want to tell her that she hates be being around boys does she want me to become a lesbian but however if i do shell get even more mad. she keeps thinking that im going to get pregnet in high school but yet again i dont do anything whatsoever. and you know how when something bad happends to you and you just try to forget about it by just on thinking about it well with my mom its just nag nag nag i have to tell her so many times to just be quiet. i now she tey to help but she just doesnt understand. thats a lot of cases when parents just dont understand anything. my mom says i can tell her anything yet when i do all i hear is just yelling and angry thoughts. so with my life in order to have fun i have to lie. ive had boyfriends and of course seeing him secretly and going out with my friends while my parrents think im just hanging out at a friends house. i know its bad when kids say that they want their parents to get divorced but in my case i think it would be better cause at very little times my parents are so much more chill without the other my life would be so much easier. or even my mom getting a job. my moms a house wife and its so annoying she home all that time. i wsih at times i can just get home and no bdy be home i love being home alone cuase im not like those kids that leave thier house or invite people over i just like to think and have the house to my self and quite for once i love that. like legit school is my only escape i ove school oddly enough becusae i can see all my friends and no body yells at me cause i dont do anything wrong and i can just be myslef. however with school theirs work and i admit im not the smarted student but i try my best and even with that its not enough. my dad always gets mad at me cause he majored in math and gets upset over anything and always say im going to give up on you one day and when i put my makeup on in the car just a little of lip gloss and coverup and my mom or dad both yell at me about that school is not a fashion show and i should do my work. either way im stiil not good enough. sometimes i feel like im never going to be good enough and that my parents just dont acecpt the way that i was born. theres alot of stuff that they do i just cant fit in all one there its too much to type. :p
current mood: aggravated
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Tuesday, September 8th, 20096:09 pm - My mom is my number one enemy
xafyre_08
I.ve got good grades, I do extracurricular activities. I even maintain my reputation as a good and humble student. Yet, my mom is still not satisfied. Even her co-workers said that Oh, your kid is so nice and polite. You raised her very well. But, I just do not understand her. Not even a single compliment I heard her say to me. She can only looked at my mistakes, not even a glance to where I am good at. She looked down on me. Ive tried everything to please her but failed. She also compared me to my cousin EVERYTIME. Ive got the feeling that she loved my cousin more that me. IHATEHER.
Not only that, she is also overly protective. I cannot hang out with my friends. I cannot have a guy friend. She gave me allowance for only ONE REASON = EAT. Because I need money to enjoy my SUPPOSEDLYWONDERFULYOUTH, I prepared my resume for a part time job. But she said if I go to work, she will kicked me out of the house and become independent - of course I cant do that. I do not have much money to even pay a rent. Because she was always sheltering me, I did not gained confidence of being INDEPENDENT. It sucks to see my future being so ignorant to the world because your mom keep you out of the world.
I wanted to have my own life ASSOONASPOSSIBLE. That made me think of me going away for college. But my mom THREATENS me that if I apply to any colleges not in my state, she will send me back to the country where I grew up. (I was born in US but I grew up in a third world country - ILOVEUS). I argued with her that why cant you let me loose a little bit. But she said, AS LONG AS YOU LIVE UNDER ME, YOU OBEY ME. I am an only child living with a mother and a father. That means, NO ONEINTHISFAMILYICANTALKTO BURST OUT THIS FEELIGNS. Its 2 vs. 1 battle. My decisions; my emotions - they were always under control by my parents.
I am already 17 years old and I have never even have gone to a sleep over to a friends house. They totally blocked me from the world. The only way to contact the world is through this computer - which is also limited. Ive got banned to use this computer in 3 months because Ive been using them the entire time. HECK, THIS IS MY ONLY FRIEND THAT I CAN HAVE, YOU TOOK AWAY EVERYTHING.
BECAUSE MY PARENTS KEEPING ME FROM DOING THE THINGS THAT I WANT, I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO WANT ANYMORE. I AM GOING TO COLLEGE AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WANT BECAUSE I ALWAYS THINK WHAT MY PARENTS WANT ME TO DO THAT PLEASES THEM. NOT WHAT I REALLY DESIRE. I LOSE ALL THOSE THRILL; MY YOUTH AT AN EARLY AGE AND I AM NOW A LIVING ZOMBIE, WHO DOES NOT CARE ANYMORE. I JUST DO WHAT MY MASTERS WANT ME TO
current mood: depressed
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Wednesday, June 6th, 20073:41 pm - father is a lying word twisting dickfrag_ment_idJust opened a journal so i could participatein a few forums....this one is an appropriate beginning.
My father is bloody fucking pathological and I don't understand it. It has to be some kind of personality disorder and I want to figure it out so I can deal with him better or make him eat his words or shut up at the very least.
He's got like this IQ of 180+ but he's a demented asshole. Bad combo. Extremely, intensely verbally manipulative and brilliant. He can shape any situation into exactly how he wants it to look to the other person by his choice of words, spontaneously comes up with complex, brilliant explanations for everyone, himself, etc. and fucks with your head so much. He'll have you believing his version of what you feel and why you said/did this in no time. It's fucked up. He's obsessed with making himself look like the victim and most people fall for it, even tho logically anyone with a brain should step back and realize the pattern is unrealistic. My parents divorced 17 whole years ago, but he's still incredibly obsessed with bashing my mother to me, and 'convinving' me to be on his side. He got remarried to this really sweet woman who was nice when i first met her, and had strong but healthy christian beliefs, was really kind and seemed to have her head on straight. He snagged her on lies and bullshit, and so many church members warned her about him, but he was so clever in explaining how bloody awesome he was and discrediting everything about all these people that she still went for him.
Anyways, I can't fucking stand him anymore. He can't resist trashing my mother so much that he has got this new woman into it. She believes that I am a naive, blind, ignorant fool just because I told my dad I am sick of hearing him go on about my mother, exaggerrating bad stuff. He still manages to say things in such a way to make a person look incredibly dull for disagreeing and pushes with even more shit. He makes it incredibly disturbing, like he makes it into a fucking mindaltering experience. I can't even put this shit into words right now, its much worse than I even know how to explain, you'd have to actually meet him. Its not just simply like how some people like to change stories and exagerrate to their benefit. It's like on this immensely complex, demented pathological fucked up level. And it's so frustrating I've been driven to some extremes by it, that I won't go into.
Anyways, so this new wife is turning into a whiny, brainwashed snotbag now. She used to be really nice and think for herself. But now she's saying stuff like "I think your mother is controlled by an evil spirit, why can't you see that?" blah fucking blah.
Ok so most people would tell them to fuck off or find a way to avoid all this, but I spent my whole life trying to keep the peace and be decent despite it all, but now I want to fucking make him choke on his words, or find a way to be a step ahead of him or find a way to seriously just get back at him for all the years of this mindfuck. I am so angry with his shit I'm getting nightmares. I'm sorry I can't give a more effective description of this. Any comments, or anything, anyone who has a similar parent who wouldn't mind sharing, or the likes would be cool...
current mood: cold
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Sunday, May 27th, 200711:11 pm - i hate my familypissed0ffkidmy freaking little brat that happened to be my brother is so annoying. he is only 8 but he is so strong, nearly as strong as me if not stronger, i'm 17. i was doing my assignment using the computer when he came suddenly and slapped me over the leg, that fucking irritated me so i yelled at him and told him to stop, that was when he started kicking me in the legs and stomach and then he grabbed my printed out homework and torn it into pieces, so things developed and he kept hitting me and stuff...
and then when my mom came she kept yelling at me because when i was pushing him away i left a mark on him, and he kept kicking me just right there in front of her and when i try to hit back she yells, eventually she pushed me to the chair as she was asking me to get out of the room and i didnt want to. and my sister called me a stupid bitch. i hate them all now, and i hope i never ever never forgive them, i always do but i really wish i dont now. i hate their guts. i love my brother but my parents extremely spoiled him, specially my bitch mom. i hate that woman. i never want to be like her. sometimes i get pissed at myself just because i'm her daughter. i mean, once, this fucking bitch told me that she hated me when i was 7. and i had that friend that she thought was a slut, she once called me a slut because i'm her friend. i remember this one time when i was 11 or something, i was pissed at her and i provoked her badly so she attacked me with her both hands on my hair grabbing it for like a minute or smething, she got hair out of my head.
i dont want to have a perfect family, i just want to feel that they love me and i dont want to sound pathetic but i guess only right now i am. the thing is that i'm really popular at school and almost everybody likes me and i have lots of friends, it just breaks my heart when i think of how my friends will look at me if they know how i get humiliated here at home by my little brother and his mom. no-one respects me here, they call me names, dad calls me dirty names and he curses at me specially when it comes to boys, when he knows i went out with a boy alone or something. i wish my life is easier than that. if i was a normal kid, i would move out of this fucking house when i turn 18 on november, but my dad pays for my college and i feel like they chained me i feel so helpless that i cant even leave. they sucked every bit of courage that once was inside me. i just miss my grandpa so much and i wish he was alive. he would have defended me and i knew he loved me. i'm all alone crying and feeling so humiliated. i'm not even pissed any more, i'm just broken hearted.
current mood: crushed
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Thursday, May 24th, 20078:34 pm - resultant of a dysfuntional systemjeremywickedi am ROTTING.....day by day...minute by minute...why coz o my parents....i come frm india...where "arranged marriages" are common....2 strangers get married coz der parents tell em to get married....and dey fuck to satisfy der bodily needs....and voila....in a year a child is born.......den starts de misery of de child...witnessing evry single fight....tat takes place..all de quarrels...de child loses its innocence at a very early age....by seven de child sees his parents fight by day and fuck by night...by seven de child learns all de swear words and der meanins.....but is still unaware o donald duck and mickey mouse....by 11 de mother attempts suicide in vain....de child sees his mother burning in front o him...doctors declare de mother as schizophrenic,paranoid.....MAD in one word....de dad is jus a jerk tryin to worsen things up...why?? coz he doesn LOVE his wife...he is jus stuck to her.....so he gives a dammn.....de kid all thru dis time...tries to study...tries his level best to keep his mother in control...but in vain,....evryone in de neighbourhood knos tat de kids mom is mad...and de way dey look at him is diff...sympathy pour in.......sympathy which kills de kid even more....kid struggles to study...de mother or father deny to support him emotionally.....father jes pays..mother jes ruins his life..never lets him to study...medicine does her some good..but she chooses to ruin her husbands life and thus in turn de kids....this struggle goes on fer yrs...now de kid finishes his education...he has a engineering degree in his hand....which he treasures more than anythin else../..coz it was his sweat and blood tat had gone into getting tat degree.....but..de kid is deviod o love..devoid o feelings...devoid o everythin tat normal plp laugh and cry about............why because two plp ended up having sex fer de sake o t....i am tat kid.....i ve grown up seeing my parents fight in de middle o de streets....wit all de neighbours watchin...de ignominy was awful....i feel tat i need some medical help to overcome de trauma....my parents suck..but it is jes a matter o time i leav em never to come back..
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Sunday, February 11th, 200711:47 am - My parents ruined someone's life.yourresponseherFirst of all, I have to say that my parents probably aren't half as bad as most people's parents here. Mostly what they do is verbally abuse me. They never physically abuse me, although they are keen on giving me punishments that are way too harsh. However, here's the story that still drives me over the edge.
I have (or perhaps had) a friend whose name I refuse to mention for privacy purposes. Now, he was not a "bad seed", but he had a tendency to be led into bad situations. When this happened, I was always the guy to pull him back. I (for the most part) kept him out of trouble. We were in middle school at the time, so there weren't too many bad influences. One day, he spent the night at my house. Afterwards, my parents banned us from spending the night at EACH OTHERS houses (not just mine) indefinitely. The reason? WE STAYED UP TOO LATE. ISN'T THAT THE WHOLE GOD DAMN POINT OF SPENDING THE NIGHT?!!! You see what I mean by "harsh"? Anyway...
Months (and I mean MONTHS) later, I asked my mom if I could spend the night at his house. She said it was okay, and we got ready. The DAY THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO HIS HOUSE, my fucking dad says that I can't go, because THE BAN STILL ISN'T LIFTED! First of all, how fucking long were they going to keep this up, and second, you should either agree when the ban is going to be lifted, or admit your fault and let me go to his house anyway. Also, he had spent hours upon hours cleaning up the house and getting everything ready for us to hang out together, and he was FUCKING PISSED OFF when he heard the news.
Finally, we went to a baseball game with him and some other friends, he made a mistake that almost separated us (even though my parents HAD CELL PHONES) and they banned me from going to his house again!!! After that summer was our first years in high school, and we went to different schools. He went to Groves high school. Anyone who's been to Groves high school knows that almost everyone there does or deals drugs. He did not go there by choice. His parents are pretty fucked up as well. You can easily imagine my concern with him being at a school like that.
When we were in middle school, we constantly swore to each other that drugs sucked and we would never give in to peer pressure. I actually felt like maybe he was going to be okay, because while he was at that school he told me that many people who dealt and did drugs regretted it and told him never to do it. He said he would still never do drugs, and I figured he was going to be okay.
Given my amount of experience with it (almost zero) I had no idea just how persuasive this "peer pressure" could be.
Last I heard from him (which was a couple days ago) he had been busted for dealing and doing weed, and there were people trying to kill him. As far as I know, he wasn't in trouble with the law, but his parents kept him in the house 24/7 (unless he had to go to school). He had also been found with detox, in order to hide the weed. I can't remember feeling more painful than I did when I heard him say "dude, you have no idea how amazing it is to get high".
He wasn't a bad kid, he was actually pretty good. However, he was prone to bad influences. Not a bad influence himself, just a magnet for them. I was the one who kept him out of trouble, and once my parents and his parents took that away, they had no idea of the kind of trouble he would get into. I can't help but think that if I had been hanging around with him all this time, this shit wouldn't have happened. My parents don't know what's going on with him right now (at least the stuff with the drugs) because I know that if I tell them, they'll just think he's a bad person and not realize what's happened. His baby brother just got diagnosed with leukemia, so there's one more horrible thing that's happened to him that he doesn't deserve and will only push him further off the deep end. I feel like I could've saved his life, but I was held back from doing so. His parents are to fucked up to help him, and my parents don't give two shits what happens to him. They don't seem to realize that he was my friend, he's an actual human being, and that he needs help if he's ever going to rise above this.
As far as I know, he's still alive, but I don't know how much longer that'll last. I don't know what I can do to save him now, but I do know that I can't deal with not being able to speak with him anymore. I need to talk to him in person, and if I get punished for it, fine. I'll pay that price to save someone else's life.
There you have it. I could've stopped his life from being ruined, but my parents held be back. My parents ruined my friend's life.
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Sunday, January 21st, 200710:40 pm - Reminder To the Readers About The Things You Sayunsatisfied_aznNow about a while back I quit live journal because someone insulted me in this community. So I left depressed for a while. The person who I caught was a member of livejournal and I caught him cause he spelled "laptop" wrong 9 times so he deleted his account. I was known as "CyclingMagician", but now i am back. I just want to remind you guys that you shouldnt insult others about what their problem is. You may think their problem is less serious than yours is, but some cant handle big problems like you could. There are many kinds of pain. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain. So what I am saying here is DON'T respond to someone's journal like, "I read your journal and I was about to feel sorry for you but now I just find you pathetic, your parents yell at you and stomp on your toys but see, I get stomped ON!" This is the kind of thing that seriously puts people sooo down that you should get killed for. This journal is for others helping others in need not seeing who's problem is bigger and who feels the bigger pain. So remember, DON'T INSULT OTHERS WHEN THEY ARE DOWN! YOU SHOULD BURN IN HELL FOR THAT!
current mood: peaceful
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Saturday, January 6th, 20076:23 pm - fight 4 your right 2 partysaynotoparentsparents and all other authority needz 2 lose itz power.my parents abused me and so did my older sister and they got away with it just becauze they hid behind the respect they had as being"parents"or watever.this society haz scewed priorityz if sum1s mean and cruel "adult"type people (even know im actually sum of thier age) tend 2 act like u certainly cant get mad az if itz cruel 2 hurt a dictatorz feelingz or if your mad they want 2 midigate it like"well your thge parent u can kill him if u want but r u sure u want to commit murder?"while where nice and those people would yell at us for sumthing harmless like smoking or wat not.i have a freind on myspace whos parents whip her and tare up nething she drawz if its happy saying this is not permissible cauze god might get mad basically like the mother in the movie carrie.when people started 2 wonder about my parents and olde4r sister all they had 2 do waz hide behind my non comformist viewz,if i asked 4 xanax my severe anxiety my religous anti drug zelot dad and sister would just say"you nwant marijuana 2 dont u"and then the adults i asked 4 help would pat my dad on the back.there should b a new counterculture like the 60s 2 end this.kids r an opressed group intitle 2 equal rights.i tried mobile psting 2day on my new gophone i bought but it didnt work does nebody no how 2 post 2 a community blog on mobile.
current mood: anxious
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Monday, January 1st, 20071:26 am - runaway.overprotected15what r ur opinions on running away?
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Sunday, December 31st, 20068:53 pm - Disgust Post #1gmwpn8tsr8:27 P.M. EST
Sunday, December 31, 2006
I enter my father's room to retrieve the telephone and was forcible pushed out of the room into the hallway. He gave me a speach on how I don't respect him and all that garbage. The truth of it is, I think that there was something else going on in that room when I entered. I didn't get a chance to see but apparently he was sitting at the computer. I can only surmise the details of this incident and feel quite perturbed to be forced to live with this degenerate of a man. He is the type of person that cannot be insulted. He is an overweight, fat, slob who does absolutely nothing and blames the bank devoid on everyone else in the house. He is abusive and has hit me several times, without reason. Subsequently, I threatened to call the police. He laughed and said that the phone was sitting on the charger. This is just one of many isolated incidents. My masochistic mother refuses to do anything about him and his foolishness. I feel absolutely no remorse for him. I wish he was flattened by a bus, not just for the insurance gains, but to see him squeal as I watched in total euphoria and intoxication from the spurting blood of his broken body. The only constellation to this conundrum is that he has contracted diabetes. Hopefully from his lavishly gluttonous eating, he will soon be gone. The day he drops dead I'm going to pen a bottle of wine. All dictators fall, and when they do revenge is sweet. In truth, I see nothing wrong with a little overprotection. I am overprotected and I relish in that ignorant bliss. Abuse breeds anger. I guess that's the beauty of money...
current mood: nauseated
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Saturday, December 30th, 200611:45 pmoverprotected15omg. ii`m so glad ii found thiis websiite. my parents are THE most annoying. but the way they annoy me is a little different then these other reasons. they are the most overprotective parents ever. its reallii annoying. im just waiting for the day that i can finally leave and move to my college. hopefully and Godwillingly, i will get into. heres an example of how over protective they are. they dont let me stay at home when my mom is going to the grocery store about 5 mins away from my house. they make me go with them. agh! i cant stand it. get this: since i got my iPod, my dad is so annoying. he thinks that its soooooooo terrible that i listen to it because he thinks im "distancing" myself from the rest of the family!! i mean, come tha fuck on!! itsz a fuckin iPod!!!! agh! they dont let me go to any of my friends house without first knowing:
1. whose gonna be there.
2. how im getting there [[i can NEVER walk anywhere, not even to my OWN MAILBOX without my mom watchin from the door!!]]
3. what time im getting home.
4. what im gonna do.
5. how im getting home. [[once again, i cant walk or take the public bus]]
its sooooooo annoying. also, my mom picks me up every day after skool and doesnt even let me walk home even tho i live like 15 mins away. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i CANNOT STAND IT! i swear....
i really am waiting for the day i can go to college. now its not liike i want them to die at all! but they realii need to loosen up and give me more privileges!! im alreadii 16 fucken years old. damn! but yea, i just really needed to vent that out because NOBODY in my family understands me..
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