Help Yourself Therapy

Web Name: Help Yourself Therapy






Q:I constantly compare myself to others. When friends do well at something I automatically feel inferior rather than glad for them. I feel guilty because I want to be a good friend but I get hurt by others successes and cannot control it, though I don't show it. How can Q: Do you think it's inappropriate or harmful for a therapist to talk a patient through masturbating over the telephone no matter what the genders? A: I don't think the genders matter. Otherwise, I guess I might be able to imagine a very unique scenario in which it would be Q: I understand what you are trying to say, but I feel this kind of therapy puts the emphasis on sympathy for people who do wrong instead of on the people who get hurt by them. Shame and guilt are like physical pain - a signal to yourself that you Q: "You mention 'the true alcoholic personality.' What is this or where can I find out more about this? A: I learned about this primarily from a book by Claude Steiner. The book is "Games Alcoholics Play." Also, I also did a search on the web and found the following Q: I have been living with an alcoholic for 5 years now, he is not physically abusive, but he is verbally when he is drinking. His parents have refused to help him or talk with him about his problem. They always tell me I don't know how to advise you Q: Is it possible to get help to not molest without going to jail? Yes, definitely... but you'll have to contact agencies in your own area to learn about it. Call a Family Service Agency or your local Mental Health Association. You can do this anonymously, of course. Even if Q: I'm 28. My brother raped me when I was 10. He kept begging for sex and I finally said yes. He got a lecture. I got deeply shamed by parents, the gynecologist, and the 'therapist.' How can I not have to deal with that experience anymore? I can't afford Q: Your topic, "Shame- What you can do about it," started me down a different path in life - one that no longer includes thoughts of suicide. The site in general gave me many mental building blocks that, aside from helping in the interim, made in-person therapy go much faster. Q: I think I am being mentally abused. My husband always makes degrading remarks to me. He gets really irritated at my daughter (his step daughter) and her little dog because it barks to go outside. It's a Maltese and chats how it communicates. He says things like it would Q: I am 51 year old married female. When I'm angry I talk out loud to myself and have a conversation with the person I'm angry with. Then I imagine that he understands me. This gets embarrassing. Why do I do this. I am a highly sensitive person A: I Q: Tony, My brother just sent me the link to your web site I am excited (if that's the correct word) about your strategies for healing from sexual abuse that I read so far: daily self -care, psychotherapy, regular source of support, and body work. You are right in stating Q: About "Getting Enough Attention" - "How To Get And Use Positive Attention Just For Being", you list four ways: 1. Choose people who are good at giving it. (Understood) 2. Know You Want it. 3. Go for It. 4. Take the Time to Absorb It. Could you elaborate please? Q: Why are men only attracted to a woman's breasts? A: They aren't! Men are known to respond more to "objects" than women do, and that includes breasts, eyes, skin, buttocks, legs, vagina, and everything else. But men also respond to the whole person, just as women do. Women are Q: Enjoyed page on controlling people. I am one and I am dating a woman who is also. I just ended a marriage with a passive-aggressive person. I really resent Ms. New giving me advice, and I work to limit my own advice giving. Is there any hope for this Q: This is more like an "academic" question, to which I needed an answer by a professional. Do you think that in order to be a therapist, it is necessary that someone naturally have a strong insight into other people; meaning an inborn ability to guess their personality characteristics and Q: In the movie "City Hall", the mayor says, "If a sparrow dies in Central Park, I feel responsible." Like him, I feel a constant, nagging sense of guilt when I cannot tangibly fix ***everything*** that's wrong in the world, no matter how distant or impossible. What can I do Q: As a probable perfectionist I have a problem with your self help: Your examples for relief and satisfaction do not give me either - why is that? E.G. urinating: satisfies a physical need but once done is just out of the way - no sense of achievement I suppose. Q: I've felt "spacey" for a year and a half, and I've had every medical test imaginable. Have you ever seen people with this symptom? Did they ever get over it, and if so how? A: Yes, many people have reported or demonstrated "spaciness" when they came to see me. Q: There is a girl who I like very much indeed. I have told her how I feel but she says she is not interested, which I accept. I would be happy just being friends, but I think she feels uncomfortable knowing how I feel about her. She very rarely Q: I believe I have most everything I want and live a good life, but am unable to ever feel contentment (stop and smell the roses). I believe I amplify stressful situations to have a self-purpose. I am afraid that I am not enjoying the things under my nose and Q: A man I am dating demands I lose some weight to be able to proceed with a deeper involvement. I am bit hurt by this request, but I do like him and I wonder if I tell him off that someone else might tell me the same. I don't Q: I am a 60 year old with 16 years as a recovering alcoholic. Today although my health and surroundings are great, II do not have any emotional feelings except sadness, disappointment, uncertainty, and loneliness. I don't get any enjoyment out of anything that I do. How can I begin Q: I recently met a wonderful person who seems to match my personality quite closely. We love spending time together, and can't seem to get enough of each other. However, she is of a different cultural background than I am. Our families and friends are uncomfortable with the idea of (... wonder if this is from the same person as above...) Q: I split up with my girlfriend a while back and she seems to be sleeping her way through my mates as best she can. Should this make me feel as bad as I do? I suffered from depression Q: I am a diagnosed primary sociopath. I am very impulsive too. I am an alcoholic as well.. although I quit drinking. What can I do to help my self? I always fear I will lose control. A: What you can do to help yourself: First of all, be proud Q: My parents expect me to marry and have children, but I don’t have any desire for either. They tell me I will be a spinster and that I will find out what a big mistake I made later when I will not be able to correct it. Are they Q: I am a 50 year old woman who has been depressed most of my 50 years. The problem is that I know why I'm depressed but I can't stop it. I've seen doctors but they can't help. You see, I know what's wrong and who caused it, or what Q: I have been having counseling for about six months and have come to the point where she feels I no longer need it. I have talked about major issues in my life until I can talk no more, but I still seem to be so angry and depressed, yet Q: My 30 year old daughter and her 11 year old daughter have came to live with my husband and I. She supposedly attempted to recover from severe drug abuse but she left the treatment center after just one week. We know for certain that she is still using drugs Q:I lost all rational communication with my parents. Mother is "very angry," father "disappeared". She's yelling at me through the phone telling she hates me, my wife etc. I know there's no way back. Don't want to call them anymore, how to accept the emptiness? A: That empty feeling isn't Q: I've been reading the topics at your site for several months now and I have found a lot of it very helpful. Thank you for taking the time to help others as you have. Unfortunately, your topics also made me realize how much trying to help oneself isn't usually Q: I'd like motivational assistance. I plan many things, but often quit soon after I start. I want to know how to do better. A: Motivation is just raw energy. If you eat, sleep, drink, and take care of other basic bodily needs, you do have plenty of motivation. Sometimes Q: I'm very confused and hurt. I'm dating this guy who has a major anger management problem. I want him to get help but he believes that he doesn't need it. We would fight and he would then start to swear and then throw things either at me or the Q: I have a friend who takes medication for Depression. Can depression really be attributed to chemical imbalance or life situations? I read your article about anger. Could repressed emotions trigger the imbalance? Thanks for any info. A: First of all you should understand that all of this is theory, Q: My man is 30 years old and I was his first sexual experience, his first time. He does have an ejaculation he says, but he does not feel the full orgasm. He just feels it come out . Why doesn't my man experience a full body orgasm? A: This Q: Up until I was 9 year old I moved 7 times and attended 5 schools. In that time I made many friends and lost many friends. After I was 9, I moved 3 more times but stayed in the same school district. I am now 26 years old and Q: Why do guys think that just because you dance with them, they have a right to your phone number? I like to go to clubs by myself, dance it all out, hang with my friends, and go home alone. Seems like no matter how many years now I do You might want to read "How Does Abuse Happen?" to understand parts of this letter. She's asking about a statement in that topic which says that the abused person of any age believes they are desperate, has given up their right to think, and believes they are powerless. Q: What Q: I've been bewildered all my life as to why I find myself acting as if I am two people in the same body. When I believe that the people around me are not understanding enough or more importantly not worth trusting for support, I shut myself away in my Q: My girlfriend has been really depressed and kind of falling apart because her family fights all the time about her going out with me. We Love each other alot but she told me she wants to take a break for a little while. Should I let her or should Q: Hey, I am really depressed. I hate myself. I hate my personality and I want to change. Can you help me? I keep thinking of suicide, but maybe this will work. A: What will work is going to see a psychiatrist who can do two things for you: 1) Q: Is a lack of trust fixable with time or should I seek therapy? A relationship I was in ended for awhile back in April, but we're back together; only I feel numb as if I'm afraid to love him again. He left unexpectedly and came back very strongly, but Q: We've been together five years, lived together half that time. We have a loving, happy relationship. Recently, I discovered via the computer that he's fascinated by hard-core pornography, lots of it. When confronted, he said I have no right to be upset, though he's aware it offends me; he Q: How can you treat an eating disorder like binge eating or overeating - but with self-coaching and without having to go to a nutritional specialist or a therapist? I could do it. I just need practical steps. A: There are so many factors to consider, but here are the HER SHAME STOPS HIM Q: I enjoyed the two topics about "Shame" at your site. I am engaged to someone who I believe suffers greatly from being ashamed and these articles describe her. However, she has never described herself as ashamed. I have a question: it is challenging and often Q: What's going on when a stranger befriends you (a very lonely, depressed person) and explicitly invites you to share all your problems, does their best to help you (because they had been helped in their own depression) ,and seems to acknowledge your efforts to reciprocate by insisting that you Q:I have so many symptoms of sexual abuse in my past, but I can’t remember anything for certain, like who did it. It is driving me crazy and the older I get the more it bothers me, sexually with my husband. I am 26. Will I ever remember who did Q: My home has been forever a place of intense verbal abuse and fear and, for my Mom, physical abuse as well. I finally succeeded in getting away; soon my little sister might as well. What of my Mom? Leaving is not an option for her, nor is any sort Q: The common wisdom for how to deal with poisonous people is "Don't." I'm inclined to agree, but this answer is simply far too pat to be terribly applicable to reality. There are a number of times where interacting with someone who is a control freak or a rageaholic is Q: I've been married 17 years and have a good relationship, but my wife just doesn't seem attractive to me any more. Fantasy enables me to get in the mood, and we have sex 2 or 3 times a week. Is there a way I can change the way I Q: I was with an active alcoholic for 7 years. I haven't had contact with him for a year. I loved him so much, but I never felt loved. I never really had his attention. I still feel angry. Is this unusual? A: Not At All!! Who wouldn't be angry Q: My parents own two houses but have no cash, no income. Mom (age 60) has a cancerous colon polyp which the doctor says needs to be removed ASAP. She asked for us kids to help. (Total cost $1000, = $250 ea.) One daughter (with ample money) says no to Q: How do you know if your guy is "good enough" for you to marry? How do you know whether your longing to be with other guys is just a "seven year itch" or a sign that your heart belongs elsewhere? How do you determine what you really need in Q: I am a 42-year old woman and lately I have been concerned that I am attracted to a co-worker. Normally I would just ask the person out but as this man is much younger than me (about 30), I highly doubt he is interested beyond friendship. Is there a Q: I had this dream that my boyfriend was trying to kill me. Now I feel unsure about him. I felt that the dream was very strong because when I woke up I was very shaky and couldn't stop thinking about it. A: The dream doesn't matter by itself. What Q: Many men seem to date to prove something. They don't personalize the woman they are with, but instead treat us all as if we are inanimate "things." Why are men like that? A: Many men and women do everything in their life as if they are "proving" something to Q: Hello. I am twenty-one years old and am involved with a twenty year old girl who suffered sexual abuse from her step father when she was a child (from as early as she can remember until the age of eleven or twelve). I know that it is affecting our Q: I'm wondering what you mean by the passive one always "wins." [Comment on topic: "Couples: Passive and Controlling Partners"] I don't see how anyone wins in this type of relationship. I am the controller and he is passive aggressive. I'm sure we will get a divorce as he wont Q: When my boyfriend was a teenager, he had a sexual fling with a man. Before and since he was only with women. Also, he enjoys porn, some of which is transsexual and gay stuff. How common is this? Should I be worried? I keep obsessing about it... A: Some Q: We've been in a long distance relationship for 2 years, and been together for 2.5 years. Today my fiancé told me today that he been thinking about other girls and he is curious about them. He is a very honest person and this issue is confusing him a lot. Q: Dive been in this relationship for 7 years We've been through it all: lies, stealing, drugs, and finally cheating on me. We are married but separated. Six months, no contact. I finally saw him again, two days ago, he found me. We talked, he wants to keep our marriage, Q:I am paralyzed by my inability to follow my dreams. I suffer from great emotional resistance inertia. I am 27 and blessed with many qualities yet I choose to seek comfort behind my family's wealth. How can I break through the walls that trap me? A:This sounds like rather Q: How do I (or my therapist) know when I'm "done" with therapy? Can I ever be "done?" And, how does therapy "end," whether it's because we're "done" or because I'm moving and can't meet with this therapist any longer? Do I just not go back any more? Or is Q: I am married and have children with my partner. We have a wonderful relationship - no complaints about that. The problem is his ex-girlfriend. We love to go dancing and when we happen to see her at clubs she is always trying to start problems. She has also tried Q: I suffer from Perfectionism. Seeing a therapist will cause me great anxiety. I don't feel comfortable talking face to face to a stranger about my problem, and I don't want to admit to anyone face to face that I have a problem. A: You make seeing a therapist Q: I just had a real quick question if you happen to find the time... I'm 17 and a couple years ago after my parents divorced, my dad did everything but have sex with me. I've always wondered if this counts as sexual abuse - I used to defend him Q: By pretending to be the most amazing person in the world, I can get myself into a state in which I feel and act as such! It's great, but I can only sustain it for no more than a day. Can I make it permanent? If so, how? A: Q: You often mention how getting love and attention is so important for everyone... yet some people are perfectly comfortable being self reliant and don't want close relationships... If dismissiveness works fine for some, should (and could) anxious, lonely people also persuade themselves that they don't need intimate relationships to Q: I was accused me of being a bigot. I have been supporting him through some tough times - I have been upset pressured- and he said last night that "helping a black child" doesn't make me good that I was a bigot. For the record, he Q: I'm seeing a counselor because I was abused as a child. I'm 19 and have been with my boyfriend for two years. I dwell on his past and the women he's slept with,as I've only slept with him. I feel guilty that he's with me when I am such Q: Since my Grandma was killed, I've been clinging to my mom. Yesterday she asked for some space. I obliged, but I've started crying (over her and Grandma) whenever I'm alone. Why do I feel like I've started the grieving process all over? Why do I only cry alone? A: Q: My husband enjoys caressing an massaging my breasts, I enjoy it as well. He and I had always done this in private without any further sexual intimacy happening. We both find it to be relaxing and substantial. In the last year my husband has been under more stress then Q: I am devastated with my girlfriend breaking up with me. We were so happy and now she doesn't want to try anymore. Ever since she moved out of her house and in with some girlfriends she's changed. I feel as if she is only trying because she feels pity Q: You seem to answer lots of questions about how to get help if you're hurting people sexually or if you are the one being hurt. You make it sound easy to tell but you're wrong. A: It's not easy. It's hard! And it's necessary. And it should be done Q: I have a long time friend that has confided in me that he sometimes cuts burns himself. My friend and I met at a Foster Home we stayed at for a few years. So I was always aware that my friend's childhood was dysfunctional harmful but it Q: My husband is an alcoholic. Although he openly admits he is an alcoholic, he says that he likes to drink and he doesn't want to stop. The problem is when he is drunk which is everyday, he becomes mean and verbally abusive. Should I stay and try to help Q: I'm in an openly communicative, mutually loving relationship. But I'm still haunted by anger about abuse I tolerated in my previous relationship. Rationally, I recognize self-esteem, codependency, and dual disorders issues (I'm in therapies and AA, clean and sober for years!)--but emotionally my resentments are consuming me! Advice? A: Q: What does it mean when dogs are chasing you (trying to attack you) ? A: What it "means" doesn't matter! When there's real danger, don't waste time thinking. Just protect yourself! Q: I have realized by looking over my life that I have an inability to bond and be close with people. People around me always seem to have stronger relationships. I always seem to feel so distant. I know it comes from my father, because that's how he is. Can Q: Every night I have a different dream about my friend’s husband and I don’t understand why. Each dream seems more passionate then the other; and although I have no sexual thoughts in waking life, my dreams seem to suggest otherwise. I’m feeling guilty, please help, I want them to Q: Why do I think I was abused in all ways when I was a child? Why can't I remember any of my childhood except flashes? Why do I have to even think of these things or wonder? Please read everything at my site about childhood abuse. You can find Q: My husband has not kept up with the property we live on and won't let me hire someone even though I made $60K last year. I feel like I have no power in my relationship because he always threatens to divorce me when we disagree... A: The most important Q: My 12 yr. old calls his 9 yr. old brother names when feeling annoyed with him. My visiting mother voices her disapproval to him, which makes me feel defensive over my son, even though he is wrong. Do you think it is her place to say anything to him? Q: Why would I want certain things so badly, (such as a private little house or cabin in the mountains where I can go to write/paint all alone)? Also, I never send in the books I've written in to publishers. Fear of rejection? I dream about all this constantly and Q: Today is Valentine's day and I have no Valentine date or even a serious relationship. I seem to be in this state of flux for the past 10 years. In my early 40s and I am not even perceived as 'relationship or marriage material. And I cannot relax on Q: I was molested by my brother for lots of years - since I can remember until about 13). I lost my virginity by masturbation. I feel guilty all the time. How does abuse like this effect a woman? Please help. A: First of all, please go to the topics Q: If a husband says very critical and mean things to his wife when drinking but not when sober, do these hurtful comments reflect how he really feels about his wife? Could it be subconscious feelings coming out or a total personality change not based in reality? A: I believe Q: I've been married for 17 years. Is it necessary to share everything for a marriage to be fundamentally honest? I have a few little secrets (the occasional cigar even though she's anti-smoking, etc.) that my wife doesn't know about. Should I feel guilty? Just how much information should a Q: My husband asks for my undivided attention constantly. He wants me to "stroke" him by telling him all the ways he is so wonderful. He wants me to do this until he falls asleep at night, (every night) and in the evenings while I rub his feet. I feel Q: My wife says I touch her too much. How can I fight this feeling of always wanting to be close to her? It makes her angry and always leads to an argument. I give her too much attention, and I feel she doesn’t give me enough? A: We all Q: I'm very tired and stressed from work, what types of therapy do you suggest? A: Your question is so vague... but I'd suggest that first you need a good physical checkup to see if there is a medical cause for your tired feeling. Then, if that checks out OK, Q: I have been married for 18 years. My husband is always cursing. He can not say one sentence without cursing. He is always complaining. Weather its about how I tend our house, the neighbors, my friends, his job, our daughter. He is always angry. Example: I took my daughter Q: My wife has become a frigid prune in bed. When talking doesn't help and sex life has just about died is divorcing a good thing to do? Before we married she sucked my dick fucked a lot now I have to almost beg. The other night she Q: AS a child I was sexually abused for a long time. I have had a lot of consoling for the last three years. I think I may have a problem as I have become too dependent on her. I really like her a lot. She has given me back Q: I began seeing a psychiatrist two years ago because I was obese and at 30 years old, had never had a boyfriend. Now I’ve lost 60 pounds and am trying to let men “in”, but really have no interest in meeting anyone because I am so in love with Q: I've been seeing a therapist for chronic depression and fear of failure issues. He believes that I was either abused as a child or had some traumatic event as a child. I have absolutely no recollection of any such event, and I'm scared to even think about the possibility. Q: My boyfriend claims he loves me but accuses me of doing all kinds of things. He is possessive and controlling. How do I deal with this and reassure him I am faithful in all aspects of our relationship? A: Your question concerns me a great deal because your boyfriend Q: I just bookmarked your site. It's wonderful. I had an amazing experience in finding it. I woke up this morning and decided to start loving myself (after 35 years of self-abuse). As a part of this, I decided to go look into the mirror and say aloud to myself I am a little overweight and I don't get many dates because everyone I know is so slim. I have been on a diet all my life and on a perpetual yo-yo with my scale. How do I get a date? Or is it about the weight? The alternative would Q: My boyfriend and I were playfully wrestling on the floor; he got rough, pinned me down, pressured me for sex. I said no but he held me down until finally I submitted. My first time and it was horrible. But was it rape? I didn't stop him, so Q: I am at present in therapy for child abuse ... I have hit an impasse with my therapist and just can not get past it ... It is frustrating me as to why the one thing that has been running throughout my whole life is the one thing I Q: You always hear about how all males masturbate, but I was wondering what percent of females masturbate? And why is it that guys tend to be more honest about saying they masturbate? If you can answer, I thank you. A: Therapists aren't experts on masturbation statistics, so all I Q: I am a little confused with the dating scene: How does one approach women (in a club) and ask her out? A: I usually hate to talk about "techniques" or "lines" to use at such times, but I do have an idea for you that works very well. When Q: My father passed on recently. I was with him at the time. Last night, a week later I dreamed I saw him lost in an airport. I asked him what he was doing there and he said he was waiting for me. We talked a little and I asked Q: I had relationships with males before. I think I am gay. I have never slept with a woman. I have also observed that when I see a beautiful girl, I don't have an erection. I am worried whether I will have a sexually healthy relationship with my wife when Q:I do extreme things to get attention. I always want to hurt myself so people will notice me. And I actually do bruise and cut myself so people will notice. I have also found myself lying and exaggerating to get attention. This is an addiction. I've been struggling with it Q: I have a friend who I know has a drinking problem. He has left home and his parents are worried about him. He's 21. They called me after he was gone for the first week but I hadn't heard from him. I have now and see him a couple One could call me a ‘player’. I have many casual relationships and many guys are envious of my conquests, so I almost feel I need to keep it up with it and pretend. I crave a relationship with a nice, innocent girl, but I don’t feel that I can reciprocate Q: I am in love with a girl that is 22 and as far as I can tell has not been through the independent phase. I am 34 and am independent. I read your article on this. She is in love with me and we are talking about getting married, Q: My husbands actions come under category Avoidant/antisocial Personality Disorder. Is this self-cured? He gets irritated by talking to some people and avoids them altogether as personal rivalry without reasoning and no forgiveness. He insults guests who come home by ignoring them and not talking to them. Avoids social gatherings. Q: I have a really poor therapist who is harming me. I am not sure how to extricate myself from her (long story), but I started seeing another therapist recently so I could get help with that and other things. I am going to share your site with #2. You Q: Hi. I was hurt when I was kid, I don't really like to say the words. I wrote it down and let my therapist read it (which I never had any intention of doing and I'm not quite certain if it was a good thing or a bad thing) Q: I enjoy reading the site and gave therapy a shot. I wasn't feeling connected/focused to the world and myself. My therapist said I have dissociation and need to be in the moment. We had two sessions together and since the strategy was simple I gave it a shot. However Q: My 45 year old brother still lives with our parents and shows no interest of ever leaving. He has no social life never dates. He has fear of change, failure, answering the phone or door probably OCD, but refuses to seek help. My parents enable him, even Q: I found a large box of pornography pictures and videos in my thirteen year old son's room. I know that there is a certain normal curiosity at this age about sex and all that. However, most of the material I found was of forced sex. He wouldn't discuss any Q: My boyfriend wants to explain everything constantly. I have learned how to say "ah hum" and look interested while he is talking. He doesn't hear what I say and seems to be a black-hole for attention. What's this all about? Giving him the attention he wants is too exhausting. Q: My daughter-in-law (after threatening to do so and being told that it would upset me) hung a motorcycle ornament on my Christmas tree (angels). My son asked if I liked the "joke". I said no. He got mad, said I couldn't take a joke, stormed out, etc. A: Seems Q: I am a middleaged woman. As a child, I was felt up (outside the clothes) by an uncle. My parents refused to intervene, to preserve family peace and because I was asking for it. It was very mild "abuse" but I can't seem to stop thinking about it. A: Q: I was sexually abused by my grandfather. Although I've always known about it, I have no memories of it - just physical reactions to things now. What are some different things I can do to help to remember? A: First of all I just want to say I'm sorry Q: I was very impressed with your response to a grieving woman. I want to know what you would advice a person to do about going into another relationship after her recent lost loved one. If the grieving process is over... and the person is ready to begin a new Q: After reading the comments on perfectionism, I couldn't help but think how it sounded like a prescription for mediocrity. Would we have great art, music and literature in a world with low standards? In fact, isn't it one of the criticisms of our culture that it produces quantity over Q; Have you ever humiliated yourself so bad you just want to die? I sent the pastor of my church a card telling him how I feel about him, that I like him, etc. and now I regret it. He was feeling low and I wanted to cheer him up. Q: I live about 100 miles from him. About a month ago, or maybe two, he started accusing me of cheating on him (I never have, there weren't even other men I was talking to). He started getting very abusive in a way. He would call (still does) all through Q:I am getting seriously depressed each year around the Holidays. This is a time when everyone is cheery and I don't know why at this time there is something always wrong with me. How do I overcome this? A:There is more depression around the holidays than at any other time Q: A few years ago I had a problem with depression. I was depressed for several years. I hit bottom when I attempted was a pathetic attempt but a serious one. After that I finally decided I didn't want to live that way anymore. I remembered a technique for Q: Occasionally I become so angry at my boyfriend, I can feel the anger swell up from the pit of my stomach and I become cold and hateful. I will say hurtful things and feel the anger within me. Normally I am loving and sweet. Any insight to this? A: Q: I'm dating a divorced father who freely gives his ex too much child support. He says she will not be able to live in the same home without his help. Not only this but now he is keeping his children full time and continuing to provide her with most Q: I am conducting a study on why certain people crave attention. I am currently enrolled in a Journalism course and I would appreciate your opinion for an article I am writing. I am wondering why someone would do something like faking a robbery bust in order to maybe receive Q: Hello. Quick question. I had a bad experience at eight and I just started trying therapy because my husband and I were going to a marriage counselor. I have been fine but now I feel messed up. Should I keep going? I hate it. A: I guess it depends Q: I really enjoy my therapist, she has helped me so much, but I wonder is this healthy? Being excited about seeing her? Thinking about her in between sessions? Worried about becoming too dependent on her? Sad about the day when we don't see each other anymore? It's almost like Q:My wife and I are on the brink of divorce. She is pushing away all those close to her and I think it's because of her deep seated fears and anger. What sort of therapy might be helpful for her. Thank you. == A: There are various kinds of therapy, Q: I am 24 years old. I had a dream last night that I was dead at the age of 25. I was trying to figure out how I died (in my dream) by interrogating people, but I couldn't figure it out. I am very worried. A: It must have Q: Recently having to finally come to grips with my depression, and being told by 3 therapists I would benefit by taking an antidepressant, I've chosen to take the medicine prescribed Being in the 12-step fellowships, I am in conflict with my clean time. Help. A: Don't quite know what Q: The woman I dated recently broke my heart. I truly thought she is the one but while on one hand I was looking for the engagement ring and was thinking of a good place to propose to her, she obviously was not on the same brain wave She just Q: I love my boyfriend, but I can’t help being mean to him. I treat him the way my mother treats me. I want to be nice.... ....please help! A: You've said so much in this little note! Here are some things to think about: 1) How does your boyfriend I have a friend at work and we have gotten very close in the past years. We've been lovers for four years now. We are both married and one night we went out after work we got intimate. We agreed that we should have a friendship with sex. Everything was Q: My husband asks for my undivided attention constantly. He wants me to "stroke" him by telling him all the ways he is so wonderful. He wants me to do this until he falls asleep at night, (every night) and in the evenings while I rub his feet. I feel Q: Hello. I have been overwhelmed with worry about an event which happened five years ago. The worry has led to a need to be perfect, a jealousy of people who had chances I didn't have, and an extremely low self-esteem. I just want to let go of the past! Q: "What do you do when you realize that you are 32 and you don't know one person in your life that you trust? This was a painful realization." A: What this tells me is that you probably had a childhood in which nobody around you was trustable. Kids know Q: Oh boy. I married one. I was swept off my feet for a year. Got married. Yes, he is very cute and charming. He romanced me for a year. I believed everything he told me (for a little while) then started to get suspicious. By then it was too Q: I talk to myself out-loud. I do not talk loud, I just whisper or mumble to myself when pondering a problem or issue. My wife thinks that I have mental problems and this is a symptom. What do you think? A: The good news is that this doesn't prove Q: Do all or most guys that get off by fantasizing about or watching so called violent acts of sex become sexual predators? thanks A:: This isn't the kind of thing I'd know about for sure, but I'll do some speculating. 1) I doubt that everyone who fantasizes about this, Q: How do you deal in relationship, when your fiancé cheats in front of you in a party but cries out to you, that she love's you very much .I am hurt with anger. Her excuse was alcohol. By the way this has happened twice. Confused. A: So much to Q: I am a girl 22 years old and live in Eastern Europe. I am very poor and last year I did not have money to eat and I borrowed from a friend. He forced me into prostitution to give him the money back. Now I have found a job Q: My sister, who lives 1000 miles away, visited me, got drunk, and confided that she's an alcoholic (has tried AA but not now), is cheating on her husband with 2 men, tried crack recently, drives drunk, and has no friends. She has a 7 year old son. I told Get a free relationship analysis. Take a few minutes to answer 10 questions and gain valuable insight into your relationship.WHAT YOU WILL LEARNWHO GETS THE MOST OF WHAT THEY WANT from the relationship.The GREATEST STRENGTH of the relationship, and HOW TO CAPITALIZE ON IT.The GREATEST WEAKNESS of the relationship, and HOW TO MINIMIZE IT.The MOMENT OF GREATEST STRESS, and WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.The BEST METHOD FOR SOLVING PROBLEMS.This analysis will help you to examine the ten most important traits in a primarily good relationship to determine the degree to which each trait is present or absent. It is designed for relationships in which there is no physical abuse, no sexual abuse, and very little if any emotional abuse. If you know you are in an abusive relationship, some of the advice you will read here will not apply to you! (Bottom line: Abuse is wrong and needs to be stopped or escaped regardless of all other factors.) Use Topics At This Site As Your Own Postal NewsletterEvery topic at this site was originally writtenas a double-sided postal newsletter.Build your practice as I have.Choose any twelve topics.Send two topics every-other-monthas your own practice-building newsletter.With each mailing you will:Build your practice.Enhance your reputation.Demonstrate your competence Everyone deserves to know what therapists know.Therapy information should be free or as inexpensive as possible.Every topic here has something of value for you.Come back regularly to read everything,even the titles that don t seem to relate to you.Let me know if you think you wasted your time. I couldn t believe it when I stumbled upon your site while sifting through the Internet looking for advice on dealing with controlling relatives. Not only did I find an answer that suited me quite well, but there was so much incredibly useful information on a multitude of other topics.Please keep up the good work. Your articles are short and simply written. This was a bit of a put-off at first, but I m finding I really enjoy the lack of an academic feel that many other writings in this genre present. Your site is helpful, approachable, and completely devoid of judging.Thank you so much. I m telling my friends about it.-Anonymous Visitor If you are asking for any kind of help, click here first to see which services are available right now: AvailabilityIf you would like to write but you are not asking for help, write to me below.

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