TIME GOES BY

Time 2020-11-03 07:03:15

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Yesterday, at 6:28 PM local time, Veronica "Ronni" Bennett passed away. Ronni bravely documented the aging process, with her Last Great Gift being the documentation of her death. We spoke for sometime yesterday, and throughout our conversation, she circled back to you. It was very important to Ronni that this amazing community continue to have a place to come and discuss this amazing journey we are all in together. Your support and love was a gift that Ronni never could have imagined when she started this blog 16 years ago, and she was forever grateful for each and everyone of you. We all will feel the pain of this loss for a long time to come, and although 30 years her junior and far from a writer, I will continue to make TGB accessible, and comments are always welcome. I will make many mistakes, I am sure, and please forgive my lack of HTML understanding, but I will get there.I will leave you with knowing that she was ready. Just before she died, she said, "When you get here, it is really nice. I am not afraid." – Autumn We have come up today on a new episode of The Alex and Ronni Show, recorded on Wednesday.When I started this blog 16 years ago, I subtitled it (see banner above) “what it's really like to get old” and for a lot of years that's what I tried to do - research, write about and ruminate on how we age.Then, three years ago, the universe hit me with cancer followed shortly by COPD and I knew from the start where that ends. So I made a course correction in the topic so to write as openly and honestly as I can muster about what it is like to know you are dying – the good, the bad, the whatever else - because that is what interests me these days.But today's conversation with my former husband, Alex Bennett, seems to be a throwback to those early years of the blog – just a couple elders talking about ordinary old-people stuff, some laments, the compensations we make for our growing list of infirmities – sort of what “it's really like to get old.”You can check out Alex's online talk show here. If, like me, you have a big-deal disease or two such as cancer and COPD, there is one thing you can count on: nothing stays the same and hardly anything gets better.That's the cosmic joke. (There are more earthly ones too.)In the first instance, such diseases progress. No pleading, no appeal to divine intervention, no miracles. It is the diseases' job to grow and from your and my point of view, get worse.I've always thought it is weird that it works that way. When the disease does what nature compels it to do, it eventually kills its host (in this case, that would be me) and therefore itself. What use in that?In terms of earthy jokes, my hospice nurse visits on Monday mornings. Aimee-the-wonderful checks my vitals, goes over my medications, discusses my well-being – or, recently, lack thereof – and then we discuss my future, such as it is.As you who have read this blog for a good while know, I had a long respite until last February when chemotherapy stopped working. I began slowly slipping down hill and the speed has since since accelerated.Drugs have helped but I haven't needed a nurse to tell me what's happening.Not long ago, Aimee-the-wonderful began gently hinting at what I'm likely to expect next. She asked about incontinence. Ewwww. But there you are.I've been retaining water – bloating – for a while which Aimee says will at some point unexpectedly break through – overload, muscles weakening, etc. and that I should purchase what some manufacturers call life-changing absorbent products.Adult diapers.There hasn't been a problem yet, but I've only just begun taking the diuretics to rid my body of excess water so who knows. Particularly during the night.I perused such products on the internet, decided on pull-ups because they work like every other kind of underpants and made my purchase hoping for the best as to size since the websites have little to say about what small, medium, etc. mean.It was my first chance to try this out on Monday with my first evening incontinence pill at bedtime. I yanked a pair out of the tightly wrapped package, shook the panties open and to my utmost surprise, found they they are trimmed in – wait for it – frilly lace. Yes, you read that right: frilly lace.Is there anything else to do but giggle? So I pulled them on, pranced around in front the full-length mirror and had a big hearty guffaw at myself – old lady fancy pants.Some years ago - before I got to be eighty-five with a miserably sore hip - I was walking my youngest grand-daughter to the play park on a golden Fall day when she said, quite unexpectedly, right out of the blue, "I'm glad I chose my Mother and Father."She was a toddler, barely five minutes into this crazy world, remember - and when it soaked in, I said, "I'm glad you did, too, Charlotte."She spent a few minutes explaining why her Mother was kind and her Father was responsible, and then she was back to herself, eager to hit the swings and the roundabout, the adult expressiveness reverting to its usual chatter.Charlotte's eighteen now and starting university - with a penchant for roller skating, playing guitar and offbeat hobbies.But it's hard not to forget that for a few mysterious minutes, somewhere between chasing the dog and looking down the path for the play park, that little tad revealed some tantalising unknown where we might get to choose the manner of however many futures we have.* * *[EDITORIAL NOTE: Reader's stories are welcome. If you have not published here or not recently, please read submission instructions. Only one story per email.] As I noted at the end of Saturday's Interesting Stuff post, it's been a few rough days in a row – weakness, lethargy, disinterest, lots of sleep and not much else. Even one of my top two or three favorite small pleasures, a hot bath, has been hard – it's too difficult to get out of the tub.There is nothing new on cable news, just repeats of what the hosts said last hour and the hour before that, etc. My mind is too addled to read.I sit in bed or at the computer and stare into space for long periods of time quite comfortably.What is lovely are the email notes from you, dear readers. You say the nicest things and I wish I could answer every one. But I am just too weak right now So I'm taking a time out today, and tomorrow is reader story day so I have two whole days to rest.Please don't think I am ignoring you. It is just that my body is screaming REST at me and so I am doing that.Thank you all for being there. It means everything to me. This Sunday Elder Music column was launched in December of 2008. By May of the following year, one commenter, Peter Tibbles, had added so much knowledge and value to my poor attempts at musical presentations that I asked him to take over the column. He's been here each week ever since delighting us with his astonishing grasp of just about everything musical, his humor and sense of fun. You can read Peter's bio here and find links to all his columns here.* * *Here is some more music I thought well worth a listen.FRANCESCA D'ADDA was born in Milan and lived most of her life in that city.She really didn’t start composing and playing music until her husband, an architect and her cousin, died. She married again (another architect) to someone who was really well connected. That probably helped her somewhat. Her main output was music for duets and trios, mostly involving the piano, her main instrument. Today’s offering is her Trio in E-flat major, Op. 18, the first movement D'Adda - Trio in E-Flat Major Op. 18 (1)MICHAEL BALFE was an Irish composer who lived for much of the nineteenth centuryHe wrote a couple of dozen operas, hundreds of songs and some cantatas. These days he’s pretty much only known for one of his operas, “The Bohemian Girl”. From that we have I Dreamt I Dwelt in Marble Halls. This is sung by the wonderful GRETA BRADMAN.Australian readers (and some English ones as well) will recognise that surname, and yes, she is the great man’s grand-daughter. Balfe - I Dreamt I Dwelt in Marble HallsWhile we’re in Australia, here is the wonderfully named Van Diemen's Band. That sounds like the name of a folk group, but they’re a classical ensemble led by Catherine Jones. They play a composition by NICOLA FIORENZA, who was born in Naples and was a violinist and composer around the end of the Baroque period and the beginning of the Classical.The piece I’ve chosen is his Cello Concerto in F major, the fourth movement. Fiorenza - Cello Concerto in F major (4)Continuing this theme for a bit longer, a while ago Australian pianist Gerrard Willems recorded all of BEETHOVEN’s piano sonatas and piano concertos. I produced a column on it at the time called The Beethoven Obsession.From that collection here is the most famous of them all, the Piano Concerto No 5 in E flat, Op 73 called “Emperor”, the second movement. To my ears it sounds as if Leonard Bernstein listened to it before he wrote the music for “West Side Story”. Beethoven - Piano Concerto No5 E flat Op73 'Emperor' (2)We've had the real Beethoven, now for the pretend Beethoven. I'm talking about FRIEDRICH WITT.Fred was born the same year as the great man but outlived him by nine years. One of his symphonies was the “Jena Symphony”, so-called because it was discovered in that city and was initially attributed to Beethoven because of the similarity to his early ones. Someone else found another copy a couple of years later with Fred’s name on it, and there goes that theory.It’s still the same piece of music but, hey, it’s not Beethoven. The same sort of thing happens with paintings. Anyway, this isn’t that one, it’s his Symphony No.6 in A minor (known as Alla Turca), the third movement. Witt - Symphony No.6 in A minor (3)FRANTIŠEK JIRÁNEK was a Czech composer of the Baroque era. I could only find one supposed picture of him, and it was very dubious, so I didn’t use it.Fran almost certainly was a pupil of Vivaldi as he was sent to Venice to improve his musical skills. After that he returned to Prague for a while until he left for Dresden where he was employed by the Prime Minister. He remained in that city for the rest of his life.The influence of Vivaldi is obvious in his works, one of which is his Concerto for Oboe, Strings and Basso continuo in B flat major, Jk 17, the first movement. Jiránek - Concerto for Oboe Strings and Basso continuo in B flat major Jk 17 (1)In spite of her name MARIANNA MARTINES was born and lived most of her life in Vienna – her father was from Spain.Upstairs in the apartment building where the family lived was a struggling young musician called Joseph Haydn. Marianna became a superb pianist and apparently a beautiful singer. Many of her works feature vocal performances.As she got older, Marianna and her sister (neither of whom married) hosted musical soirees at their home that attracted many distinguished guests, including Haydn and Mozart. Her compositions were well regarded in her time, and it’s believed that Mozart modeled a couple of his choral works on hers.Here is the first movement of her Overture in C Major. I always thought overtures were a single piece. I guess I was wrong. Martines - Overture in C Major (1)Those with long memories of such things will now probably have a flashback to when they were young and used to watch TOM AND JERRY cartoons, I know I did.This next piece was featured prominently in one of them. Indeed, it was the basis for the whole cartoon. I looked it up on Youtube, and it’s still a lot of fun. The piece of music I have in mind is by FRANZ LISZT.It’s Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2 in C-Sharp Minor, S. 244. In this case it’s a piano only version arranged by Vladimir Horowitz and played by one of the finest pianists around, Lang Lang. Liszt - Hungarian Rhapsody No.2 In C Sharp Minor S.244 (Lang Lang)GEORG PHILIPP TELEMANN was the most prolific major composer in history.He wrote thousands of compositions, and I’m not talking about little things – some went on for hours. He was good friends with both Handel and Bach, indeed he was god father to one of Bach’s sons (who was named after him).With all those compositions you can bet he came up with some interesting instruments to compose for, otherwise it would have got really tedious.We have one of those today, his Sonata for two chalumeaux in F major, the third movement (or maybe the fourth, there seems to be a one and a halfth movement for some reason).A chalumeau is the forerunner of the modern clarinet. It started out as a folk instrument, but composers started using it due to its mellow sound. Telemann - Sonata for two chalumeaux in F major (3)MICHAEL HAYDN had the bad luck of having an older brother who was the best known composer in Europe at the time, also one of the best.Michael was no slouch at the composing business such that quite a few of his compositions were attributed to big brother Joseph for decades, centuries even.It’s only with modern scholarship that they have been restored to their rightful owner. I don’t know if this is one of those, his Horn Concerto in D Major, P. 134, the first movement. M Haydn - Horn Concerto in D Major P. 134 (1) HOW WOLVES CHANGE RIVERSI'm pretty sure I posted this a few years ago but it recently turned up again and I find it as impressive and encouraging as before. According to the Youtube page,”When wolves were reintroduced to Yellowstone National Park in the United States after being absent nearly 70 years, the most remarkable 'trophic cascade' occurred. What is a trophic cascade and how exactly do wolves change rivers? George Monbiot explains in this movie remix."HOW TO READ YOUR CAT'S FEELINGSCats being as enigmatic as they are, I'm not sure there is much satisfactory explanation here but it's worth a few minutes of your time.CATS FOR BIDENMore cat vids showed up this week so here are two political ones. This from Tony Sarmiento:We’ve got to come together to defeat Donald Trump –– Democrats, Independents, Republicans, and yes, even Demo-cats. pic.twitter.com/LtsTWy7MmI Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) October 17, 2020 AMERICA'S CATS WANT YOU TO VOTEAnd a kitty reminder in case you have not yet voted:THE GRAFFITI OF POMPEIMy friend John Gear sent this. It might be a little raw for some but hey, we're all grownups here.I m obsessed with the graffiti found on the walls of Pompeii.Vico d Eumachia, brothel: Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st praetorian cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of women. Guys, you haven t changed a bit. Marina Amaral (@marinamaral2) October 21, 2020 More here.TICKET WITHOUT A SEATA small, important life lesson for us all.DAVID HOCKNEY TALKING ABOUT VINCENT VAN GOGHTGB reader Mary Evans Young sent this lovely video.PERSONAL SERENDIPITYYesterday, Friday, was a really rough day for me. Not pain as sometimes happens. Without tempting fate by saying too much out loud, that has been increasingly controllable.But tiredness, dejection, weakness so deep I can barely walk across the room or write even a few words on the computer screen - so much so that I almost skipped preparing this blog post for today. Then, as a distraction, I checked email and found a note from friend Edie Birken.It doesn't change the circumstance or what I'm feeling about it but it makes it go easier. This is what she sent:* * *Interesting Stuff is a weekly listing of short takes and links to web items that have caught my attention; some related to aging and some not, some useful and others just for fun.You are all encouraged to submit items for inclusion. Just click “Contact” at the top of any Time Goes By page to send them. I'm sorry that I won't have time to acknowledge receipt and there is no guarantee of publication. But when I do include them, you will be credited and I will link to your blog. It has been a long time since I posted a list of quotations about age and dying. In fact, it is probably years. But I don't stop collecting them – my god, people have a lot to say about death, at least in short form – so here are a few for your perusal and commentary.Not too many today because quantity becomes overwhelming and they lose meaning. So just a few. Many wise men and women have left behind worthy ideas about death for us to ponder.* * * “It is too bad that dying is the last thing we do, because it could teach us so much about living.” - Robert M. Herhold(As it seems to be doing for me.)“For my part, I would like to die fully conscious that I am dying...slow enough to allow death to insinuate itself into my body and fully unfold, so as not to miss the ultimate experience, the passage.” - Marguerite Yourcenar“...I count as the greatest good fortune to have these few months so full of interest and instruction in the knowledge of my approaching death.” - Alice James“There is only one solution if old age is not to be a parody of our former life, and that is to go on pursuing ends that give existence meaning – devotion to to individuals, to groups or causes, social, political, intellectual and creative work. - Simone de Bouvoir“The first part of life is for learning. The second for service, and the last is for oneself. It is a time for discover inner richness and for self-development and spiritual growth. It is also a time of transition and preparation for dying. The closer we come to death, the closer we come to reality and truth.” - Gay Gaer Luce “Do not seek death. Death will find you. But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.” - Dag HammarskjoldAre there any short and pithy such quotations you would like to add? [EDITORIAL NOTE: Although this list is true, it is not meant to be overly serious. Try to see the humor.]ToiletWash faceBrush teethAim body toward kitchen(don't trip on the oxygen cable)Start coffeeTake first pill of the dayLay out next two pillsAssemble nebulizer equipmentSpend 10 minutes breathing with nebullizerCoffee!!!Check phone for overnight messagesCheck overnight emailDelete at least half of itSend morning email greeting to my “are you still alive” buddyCoffee!!!Answer personal and blog emailCheck the day's to-do list; delete what is possible to avoid doingRead the morning news while listening to morning news for the latest(Two hours have passed)Take pre-breakfast digestion pillsShower and dress – slowlyPrepare breakfastFind reading material for breakfastRound up breakfast digestion pills - eatClean up kitchenPlan lunchHave a 30-minute lie-downSpend time (10 minutes to two-plus hours) planning next blog postWork on blog post / answer incoming emailSecond 10-minute nebulizer sessionMore blog workTake a break with household accounts and mail12 noon pillsPrepare, eat lunchClean up kitchenOne-hour lie-down or nap (or longer)2PM pain pillsNebulizerCheck to-do list and finish what I canEdit blog post and set up to publishSlow walk to trash and snailmail boxSmall chores, water plants, lists, etc.Sit quietly for awhile, maybe readBegin dinnerPre-dinner pillsEatClean up kitchenCount out next day's pillsHot bathCollapse on bed – movie, book, or...Just look at this – it's all maintenance, every item of it and I've omitted at least half the chores along with phone calls, chatty email with friends, getting sidetracked with a magazine or book, etc.I wrote all this out for myself a couple of days ago and was appalled at the banality of it. But guess what. If you don't count the pain when it happens and the chunk of time for blog work, it gives me a lot of hours to think about all the stuff I end up writing about here.Not the mention time to think about all the stuff I don't tell you.Still – it is kind of joke if you look at it that way. What's your day like?when he first saw a mechanical monkey,playing a tune and smashing cymbals together.The boy watches,stomps his right foot, then his left,leans to one side, then the other.He giggles and laughs,but best of all he smiles---no beams.A grin that spans his whole face.is worn like a badgeand shows he is in a perfect place,loving every moment.And as he sways,he hasn’t the faintest idea what worry is.My God,I know that expression,it’s pure joy,something I have pursued my whole life,but never found.As he wobbles, claps, and bounceshe is as close to heaven on earthas any human can be.Maybe I too felt like him early in life,but if I did, I lost it.and never found it again.If I could give him a gift,It would not be money,It would not be power.It would be to help him keep that delight,to stay so happy that othersfeel gladdened by his very presence.I don’t know how to do it,I don’t where to find it,I don’t even know what I’m looking for,but I will do everything I canto keep him glowing with happinessthe way he doeswhen he dances with the monkey.* * *[EDITORIAL NOTE: Reader's stories are welcome. If you have not published here or not recently, please read submission instructions. Only one story per email.]

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