Air Biscuits and Angry Pygmies Diary of an American Hero Turned Dad

Time 2021-11-20 10:23:08

Web Name: Air Biscuits and Angry Pygmies Diary of an American Hero Turned Dad

WebSite: http://heir-biscuits.blogspot.com

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Angry,Pygmies,Diary,Air,Biscuits,and,Hero,Turned,

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Special Operations Dad---The Double-Take Maneuver!Posted byUnknownon Monday, January 25, 2010 / Comments: (0) The Double-Take Maneuver! In the list of tools for the Special Operations Dad this tool is indispensable!

"What the heck...???!!"


"Wait!!!!"


"Hey... come back here!"


Except for the small insurgency attacks of my 7 yo, Calvin, I've got it under control! Calvin has decided that my life isn't exciting enough so he takes appliances apart and then tries to put it back together... and then doesn't warn me!

All he would have to say is, "Hey Dad, you may want to be careful plugging the iron in this morning..." I'm just sayin'... a heads-up would be nice!

Instead I plugged the iron in at 5 am to iron my sweatshirt before I go running (What?!!! Stop giving me that look! The shirt was wrinkly... yes I know I have issues.) anyway, I plugged the iron in and the iron exploded on the ironing board above my head and the plug (which is still in my hand) sent sparks and smoke shooting right at me like an RPG! I instinctively did my Jason Bourne "roll to safety" in a very non-clutzy way. ( I actually hit my toes on the bed post and my head on the ironing board as I jumped clear from the explosion.)

I had to sit there on the floor and gain my composure. I figured with my heart rate already being adequately stimulated I could forgo the morning run and maybe just sit on the floor for a while... HEY! It scared the POO out of me!

Fast forward to 6 am, Calvin is walking around in his normal zombie-esque state trying to decide how he can forget to wear socks. I see him do his own version of a double-take at the scorched iron and the big brown spot on the wall. He leans over and looks at the wall and looks genuinely impressed at the scope of the damage. I clear my throat at him from across the room.

Cue the innocent face, "What??? What's wrong dad?"

I point to the iron and the wall that he is trying to hide by standing in front of them, as if I will somehow lose my mind and forget. "Oh! Yeah... I think I tried to fix the iron yesterday. The little water sprayer part wasn't working." He reaches over to the iron and extends it toward me and pushes the button a few times and brown water squirts onto my white bed sheets. "OH! Sorry. But see, it works now!"

"Go get some socks on, Son.... (Cue double take) WAIT! Are you wearing your big brothers underwear???" (A bulging mass of Calvin Klein underwear was hanging out of the back of his jeans in a big bunched up pile) Calvin smiles his best "Oh Yeah" smile. "Go change into YOUR underwear and THEN put on some socks. I just saved your life! You know your Big Brother would have committed a level 3 act of violence if he caught you wearing his underwear!" (I will explain the Injury Classification Levels tomorrow)

"Thanks, Dad!" (I could tell he was genuinely grateful for me saving him from a good wallop from his big brother.)

"Just doing my job, Son." Special Operations Parenting in action, Baby!!! Even in the throes of a post-explosion PTSD... Nothing gets past my double-take!HILARIOUS!!!!Posted byUnknownon Sunday, January 24, 2010 / Comments: (0)
The old Warrior sat down next to the young warrior and smiled at him and said, "I probably have had my ass kicked a few times, but all of my scars are in the front..." then he gave the young pup a pat on his shoulder and trudged off to the pool.

Think about it... you know what he was trying to explain to us! He never ran... never backed down... never took his face from the wind... never stopped carrying on!

So I may have a lot of marks and scars... but I've tried to make sure they are all in the front. You can't carry on if you're running away! You can't!

And sometimes, it stops being about the flag on your shoulder or the "cause" and more about that person standing there in the breach with you. The one who is standing back-to-back with you through the the longest nights. You won't run, because you know they won't.




I didn't realize it but my Chief left a trail for me to follow and now I find myself passing this information on to my children. Last summer when I took my kids to a swim party at the YMCA I took my shirt off and carried my twins into the pool to help them become more comfortable with the crowded pool.

Standing in the pool with a kid hanging on each arm my son Calvin starts poking his fingers on the spots where there are scars... "Dad, what are these spots and lines?"

"Those are just scars, son."

"You have a lot of them."

"Only on the front, son."

Enjoy these two clips. They come the closest I have found to the way things really are and should be.
I will post a copy of my presentation here on Monday. I still have to "wrestle out" a few of the details.
Go do something MANLY!
TAGS:Angry Pygmies Diary Air Biscuits and Hero Turned 

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