Im still alive, dont worry.

Been meaning to update this here blog but WordPress has become a steaming pile of shit with its new disaster of a block editor and I havent had the desire to deal with it.

Just been busy moving house for the second time in a couple months.

Im in a lovely little terrace house now with my new bloke* and our cat, Dara, who is a Russian Blue and is fat and gorgeous.

What am I doing with myself? Living. Getting by. Trying to be happy. (Mostly succeeding.)

For fun, Im playing The Sims 4. Rather than write about it here, you can see what I do with the game over there.

*Fully aware I need to stop calling him my new bloke. Hes been around for a couple of years now. I think I might be stuck with him.**

**And I dont mind that idea at all.

Ive forgotten how to blog. I can write comments on everyone elses blogs, but Ive forgotten how to write. But here we go. An update, of sorts, for anyone who might maybe stumble into Renlish land again. I keep intending to write and it never really happens. Though to be fair, this past 18 months or so has been somewhat distracting.

Back-track right to May 2017 that was the month my uterus was evicted. FUN TIMES! Theres a post somewhere on this here blog about that experience. Feel free to read it. Should I link it? My SEO plugin thingimabob thinks I should link it. Ok so here is that link; my Game of Thrones themed hysterectomy story. It was going to be a multipart series, though to be honest, it was a little traumatic, even though I make fun of it and I never really got around to writing about the healing process. 2017 was basically spent in recovery mode from that. It wasnt a lot of fun. I ended up back in hospital and the doctors once or twice. Im better now, though! So YAY!

A few months later, around August, I had a FUCK IT! moment, and bought a couple tickets to DragonCon 2018 for the Man and I. And then I spent several more thousand dollars on hotel rooms and airfares and car hire and Basically I spent $10K on a five-day trip. Worth it. Because THIS happened 12 months later

Yeah, thats a picture of the man and I WITH JOHN FUCKING BARROWMAN. IN ATLANTA.

I will do a separate blog about that, I think. Its a tale worth telling. Everything from AN UNMENTIONABLE AIRLINE taking us off our flights causing us to get to DragonCon a full day late, to the very Christian taxi driver who preached at us for a solid 25 minutes and then conveniently didnt have change for a $50. And us Catholics should be ashamed? Really? REALLY? Anyway.

And then, around my birthday in December, the unit a couple doors down from my mothers house went up for sale and I tried desperately to buy it for myself. Unfortunately the agents in charge of that sale were Lets just call them turds, because thats what they were. I could write the saga of trying to buy the unit but it still upsets me, even a year later. Needless to say, I am still less of a home to call my own.

And then in January this year Bindi (aka That Fucking Cat, aka Bindipuss, aka my little heart kitty) got sick. Really sick. Very sick. It turns out that shed only had one functioning kidney and had been in that condition for quite some time. Unfortunately she had developed some abscesses on the one working kidney. It meant a week in hospital on medication and a small procedure to drain the kidney, followed by a few more months of medication and worrying and trying to get her to eat. I wasnt ready in January to let her go but it was clear by May that she needed to go. She was getting sicker and her apetite dropped down to zero. When we realised wed been keeping her going on nothing but those Dine treat tubes for a couple of weeks, it was clear that we had to let go. So now she sits on my shelf, a pretty gold-flecked green glass dome created by Memorial Glass.

Since May its basically been me travelling between my mums house where I have a room (but not MY old room because the witch has turned that into her craft room) to my boyfriends share house where he has a room Doing what I can to stay sane in an insane world. The black dog is ever-present. I dont see my friends nearly as often as I like, in fact I have minded the house of some of my closest friends and seen their cats more than I have seen them.

I still spend an obscene amount of money on nail polish and colouring books and art supplies.

SPEAKING OF COLOURING

Thats still very much a thing that I intend of sharing lots of soon.

And most recently, I turned 40 this year.

40.

How the fuck did that happen?

A few years ago, like just about everyone else on the planet, I started colouring. Yes, according to social media experts, I had regressed depressingly back to my childhood where apparently I have daddy issues, or something. According to artists everywhere else, I was being lazy and not truly my creative self by colouring someone elses work regardless of the fact thats sort of the point of colouring books. Finally, according to psychotherapists the world over, I was being mindful and relaxing my brain.

Well, Ill go with the last of those because I actually do find it relaxing. As with all of my hobbies (like sculpting and jewellery-making and digital art), colouring can be intricate work taking lots of concentration and focus. I find that that focus on one single thing for as many hours as it takes before my fingers start to go numb (they do, its hilarious) is actually a blessed release from the near constant noise in my brain. That and I like making pretty pictures and learning new skills.

As usual, any time I start a new hobby, I jump in head first and buy ALL THE THINGS.

Most people buy what they need; maybe a few expensive items, maybe a handful of artist quality pencils.

Not me.

What is this pithy 12 pencil set you speak of?! I shall have ALL the pencils.

Seriously, the 132 Prismacolor Premier set was not enough. I sold that set and bought the 150 set because I needed ALL the colours.

(And then I sold that set too because Prismacolor Premiers are the crappiest pencils ever. But more on that later.)

So once I had all the pencils, I needed all the books. Cue a collection of over 130 colouring books that followed swiftly after. And that collection is still growing, though I have slowed down and now mainly focus on books by particular artists.

And then came the water colours, the blending mediums, the special erasers and sharpeners, the cases, the gesso

You get me.

So now I colour. The thing I particularly love about colouring is that I can do it in a relatively small space and its not such a big deal to pack up and move if I need to, unlike jewellery-making and some of my messier hobbies.

And so, finally, this blog will be what I have always thought of making it a showcase of my creative endeavours with maybe a few rambles in between. Gone are the days where my longer rambles are worth anything to anyone.

(Dont worry, if you used to read Renlish and there was something you particularly wanted to read again, just let me know. I have everything saved in drafts.)

Bear with me!

Im a wreck. No other way to put it. The enormity of whats happened over the past 18 months (marriage separation and uprooting my life, illness, the death of my aunt, etc), and now this has proven to be too much to handle today. Im tired and anxious and cant stop crying.

Anything and everything is setting me off and I am so, so cold. Im taken to what will be my room and, thank you private health insurance, my room is a delightfully vintage single with an outlook onto the leafy street below. Single and bloody cold. What is it with hospitals and having the temperature set to a max of 12 degrees?! Anyway, M and I wait for the nurses to come in, check my files and issue me with the appropriate wrist bands. Thus begins the constant repetitive questions:

What is your name and date of birth?
What are you here for today?
Do you have any allergies?

The theatre nurse comes in and introduces herself and I lose the plot entirely, much to her shock. Im sheepish through my tears and assure her that its nothing personal.

I change into my gown (less clothes, even colder now) and pressure socks and with a last smooch from M, Im wheeled out, still bawling, to surgery where I meet one of the other theatre nurses who gives me one of those wonderful heated air blankets. OMG SO WARM! I nestle under it and ignore the urge to put my head under the covers and hide.

My anaesthetist arrives and he sees that I am one big snotty mess. He gently tells me whats going to happen, how I am going to feel, that hes there to make sure I stay asleep (a bloody good thing if you ask me) and bring me out of it again when all is said and done. His voice is very soothing and I am more inclined to believe that Im not going to die this day.

Finally I get wheeled into theatre and theres my surgeon to greet me. She grabs my hand, holds it tight and gives me a pat before going through the official process of starting the procedure. They take away my heated airbag and I instantly start shivering and crying again.

The surgeon hovers above me while the anaesthetist does his thing. I squeeze her hand as the needle goes in and the cold heat of the happy sleepy-time medicine shoots up my arm.

I only vaguely remember asking for another shot of whatever that was before I surrendered to the darkness.

Waking up again seconds though it might have been hours later, I realise that Im already back in my room. If I woke up in recovery, I dont remember it.

I dont remember much of anything for the rest of that day.

The one thing I do remember before drifting off again was that it was FUCKING FREEZING in that room.

Happy sleepy-time drugs finally wore off and reality set in. I was down one uterus but up one very annoying catheter. Not in a whole lot of pain, but then I hadnt tried to move, so yay, catheter! I guess.

Thoroughly entertained by the fact that my entire stomach is numb from mid-rib to my girl bits. I spend much time poking at it. My stomach, that is. I poke my stomach. Not my girl bits.

Nurses (both student and fully qualified varieties) are lovely and checking on me every couple of hours around the clock. Lovely, but it means I cant sleep. The pressure cuff around my arm keeps waking me and they keep asking me my name and date of birth and if I have any allergies.

I discover the Food Network on television.

Im still cold.

I keep confirming my name and date of birth every two hours.

Every. Two. Hours.

Given my first Clexane in the wee hours of the morning. For such a tiny needle, that shit hurts like hell.

Still being asked who I am as if the answer will be a surprise.

Still cold. Starting to think the coldness is a sterile environment thing. It has to be cold so bacteria doesnt grow. At least, thats what I am telling myself to justify why I cant feel my fingers and toes.

Nurse comes in with a tray of Stuff and Things™. Interesting.

Were taking the catheter out today!

Oh. Yay?

YEOUCH. That is the most unpleasant sensation.

You feel like getting up and having a shower now?

What the what, now?!

Not really

Its best if you start moving around, it helps speed up healing.

Nurse-speak for, You stink. You need a shower and we need to change the sheets.

I slowly so slowly manage to manoeuvre myself out of bed.

Oh, wow. Wow. With a side of OW. You know that sensation, like youve been sliced open and your guts are falling out? No? Well, use your imagination.

I am honestly frightened everything is going to fall out.

I feel vaguely sorry for the poor student nurse who has to stand in the shower and help wash me but I am feeling mostly extremely aware that I am naked, sore, and not alone in the shower. The hot water is a small comfort but I would much prefer it alone.

By the time Im out, dried and dressed in my own PJs, my bed has been remade and I have to admit I feel better for the shower. I finally beg for a couple more blankets as I just cant deal with the cold anymore.

Extra blankets are brought and I am happy as a bug missing a uterus in a rug.

Warmth and food and sheer exhaustion from just moving between the bed and the shower means that I crash out hard for a couple of hours. When I wake up the nurse comes in and says that I was completely out and she didnt want to disturb me so she just checked my temp while I was sleeping and left me alone.

I really like that nurse.

Given Clexane again. Nasty little fucker of a needle, that. Not a great way to wake up.

I really want to go home now. Third night in on very little real sleep apart from cat-naps that are interrupted by changing of the guard at the nurses station or pain keeping me awake means that I am very quickly losing the plot. Im tired and bored and I miss my mum and my cats and my boyfriend and I am seriously starting to regret having the operation because of the sheer amount of discomfort Im in. Moving hurts, the bed hurts, my neck hurts, every muscle not used to being employed for the simple act of walking is screaming at me. Im on a cocktail of Endone, Ibuprofen, Paracetamol and something that might have been slow release morphine

The nurses ask me how Im feeling once or twice and I just start crying again. They do their best to soothe me and explain that even though it might not seem like it, Im actually doing quite well.

I dont believe them.

I want to go home, I tell them.

I can go home when I can manage to go to the toilet on my own, they tell me.

OH REALLY?

CHALLENGE. FUCKING. ACCEPTED.

Thus begins the Quest to Poop.

The Mission to Void the Bowels.

The Goal to Drop Anchor in Port.

You get it.

I cant go home before they see that my poop shoot is shooting the poop unimpeded.

With the catheter gone Im peeing like a champ on my own. Still cant feel much down there so its only when my bladder is absolutely aching that I realise I need to go. I can never really tell when my bladder is empty either, which is slightly disconcerting. Its a weird sensation of stuff being there but not quite as there as it was pre-op.

I decide that since I am up and able to shuffle around by myself without help, I may as well have a shower. In the meantime, someone comes in and changes my bed again.

THEY STEAL MY BLANKETS.

Major whining ensues until I get them back again.

Missing everyone. With the exception of M, no one has come in to visit me. I dont mind it so much but I honestly had not expected to be in hospital for so long and the lack of sleep mixed with pain mixed with medication is making me constantly weepy and I just want a friendly face that isnt attached to an arm with a hand thats weilding a needle

End of the day, still no poop. Worrying because I have hideous, painful gas. My stomach is bloated beyond ridiculousness.

The nurses still cant remember my name or date of birth. Its starting to get old.

Able to walk around a little bit more so Im wandering slowly around the ward. Im doing well, so they tell me. I dont care, I tell them back. I want to go home.

But you need to

Poo. Yes, I KNOW.

Peppermint water is supplied to help settle my bloated tummy but all that does is make me gag. Im given some laxatives but after a few hours theres still no joy.

Suppository time.

Yes, its that glamorous but I no longer care.

I WILL TAKE THINGS BEING SHOVED UP MY BUTT TO GET OUT OF THIS COLD, COLD HOSPITAL.

And like everything else in this hell hole, the nurses fingers were freezing too.

Suppository works in the vaguest sense of working. The colt from Old Regret didnt exactly get away but the gate was left open. I no longer feel so stopped up. Small blessings.

Can I leave now?

Yes, you can go home

YAY!

tomorrow.

OH FUCK YOU.

Im going home today! Im going home today!  The nurses come in and ask me my name and date of birth again, but this time I get a new question

Who is coming to pick you up?

I shower. I pack. I watch more Food Network.

I repeat my name and date of birth at least four more times before M arrives in the early afternoon to rescue me. But were still stuck there for a while as we wait for my discharge and to be given all the wonderful drugs which stop me from feeling the fact that I have a rather large hole in my abdomen.

The trip home is an interesting experience. G-force and abdominal surgery are not happy bedfellows. Every time the car breaks, I feel my entire lower half lurch. Fortunately I have a towel and wrap it around my belly for support I could kiss whoever it was that suggested that little trick.

I figured it was about time to update the situation with my Essure implants now that theyve been in for a few months. Nothing has improved and as you can see from the title of this post, I am having a hysterectomy to have the things removed.

Why do I need such a serious surgery to get rid of something so small?

While a lot of the constant pain immediately following the procedure eventually died away, I noticed a gradual, itchy, throbbing pain starting probably about one or one and a half weeks into my regular cycle.  This pain would increase in intensity until I started spotting a week later. I was (and am) still using the BC pill so you can imagine how frustrating it is.

My period pain itself went from uncomfortable but manageable to horrific GIVE ME ALL YOUR MERSYNDOL NOW! levels.  Ive never experienced anything like it.  I was hoping the first time would be a once off but every period since has been exactly the same. Excruciating.

I knew I needed to get them out. I wasnt going to be like some women I have since met who have dealt with similar symptoms, and much worse, for years.

This time Id done my reading before going to see my surgeon again. After much investigating, I realised that I was not a candidate for a salpingectomy (just having tubes removed) as one of my implants is protruding into my uterus by about 7 or 8 coils. This means that if just the tubes were taken out, they would have to leave part of the implant in my body.

Can I get a HELL NO!?

So I decided it was a full hysterectomy for me.

Armed with this information, I went back to my doctor who, predictably, was dubious about my reasons for being there. The expected questions were asked. I am fairly certain she thought I had changed my mind about wanting children.

I know I got a little hysterical during that appointment. I wanted to be believed that everything I was experiencing was directly related to the Essure and I didnt want to argue with her about getting them out. In the end my doctor agreed to do the surgery for me without much fuss.

So now Im having a hysterectomy.

I am frustrated and angry that it has come to this. Im upset that I am literally being forced to decide to have my uterus taken out or just suffer.

I am pissed as hell that women have fewer and fewer rights with regards to bearing children (or the decision not to) and yet we are used a guinea pigs. The fact of the matter remains that Bayer have not had these things properly tested. The risks outweigh ALL of the benefits.

If you, dear reader, are also suffering after having tubal occlusion done with Essure implants (or any coil or mesh implant), please lodge a report with the Theraputic Goods Administraion on their page. The TGA needs to know that this device is causing more harm than good.

Warning This post talks about female reproductive organs and contraception. If you dont like reading about that stuff, go away.

Im taking the opportunity to write about my experience with the (somewhat infamous) Essure implants.

If youve found your way here after googling Essure either before or after youve had the operation, firstly, dont panic.

DO NOT PANIC. Its the worst thing you can do. I know there is a crap-tonne of information out there and just about all of it bad, and my own story isnt that great either.  That being said, I wanted to relate my experience because all I could personally find were horror stories.

Like many gynecologists have done, my doctor suggested tubal occlusion, aka an Essure implant, because it was a quick and simple procedure and something that I could have done while I was getting another medical issue seen to.

On the face of it, Essure implants sounded awesome. No requirement to put me under a general anaesthetic, I didnt need to go to hospital to get it done as there was no need to open me up surgically, recovery time was two days at most as opposed to a couple of weeks for a tubal ligation. Because I am fat (my doctor had the good grace to call me cuddly) she said that it would be the easiest option for us both. I couldnt disagree being overweight does come with its own complications when it comes to medical procedures. But it all still sounded great.

That was pretty much all that was told to me about the procedure and the implants. I got a brochure detailing how the implants worked and was sent on my merry way.

For those not in the know, a tubal occlusion is where two tiny spring coils are fed into the fallopian tubes. This causes a natural reaction within the body and the irritation from the coils causes scar tissue to form around the coils, thus providing a natural block in the fallopian tubes that stops the egg delivery process from the ovaries. The name of these coils are called Essure and they are made by Bayer.

When I went back almost a year later, my doctor was still happily recommending the implants but she did tell me that there was some sort of action against them in the United States. She then explained that she used to just do an x-ray at the three month mark but since there had been questions about its effectiveness, I would need a different procedure that involves being turkey-basted with dye to be sure that the fallopian tubes were blocked.  So I just thought it had something to do with their effectiveness.

Sounds good, right? Heres where it went pear-shaped for me.

My situation deviated from the norm in this regard as I had to get another small procedure called a LLETZ or large loop excision, which did involve being admitted to hospital as a day patient. My doctor did both procedures during the same admission so I was put under a general anaesthetic rather than just being done in the chair. All went well on the day, and I was out of hospital within five hours most of which was actually spent waiting for my turn and recovery afterwards.

After going home from the hospital I was a little exhausted and a little bit sore, though I am certain that was from having way too much going on up in my privates for one day, so it wasnt entirely unexpected.

Two days after the procedure I actually felt worse that I did when I came home from the hospital. Yes, it hurt but it wasnt so much an ouch as it was a constant, intense ache in my lower abdomen. Every now and then there would be a horrible pinching that I could feel somewhere from within and it was extremely disconcerting that I couldnt reach the area to rub it better. It was the weirdest, most unpleasant sensation I can ever remember experiencing. This feeling increased to a weird pulling-like sensation and thats when I started to realise I could feel these things inside me. The mental damage that did was almost as horrific as the pain I was in.

I was told that I would be down for a couple days at most.

Heres what actually happened.

Day 1 (after procedure): A little spotting, nothing serious. Moderate discomfort but nothing a regular headache tablet couldnt dampen. Was more tired from my usual crappy reaction to the anaesthetic.

Day 2: More discomfort, pain in my lower back and still experiencing spotty/gritty discharge though this was from the LLETZ loop, not the Essure implants. Looked up essure on Google and proceeded to have a meltdown.

Day 3: Increasing discomfort.  Not spotting but lots of watery discharge. Again, this was most likely my reaction to the loop, not the Essure implants. Still very upset by what I found online.

Day 4: Post op pain diminished and back pain gone but I was still feeling uncomfortable and sore. Noticed a weird smell at that point and took myself to the doctors and was prescribed a general antibiotic.

Day 5:  Back at work, however sitting for long periods of time became uncomfortable. The horrible pulling sensation starts. Emotional/mental distress increases a thousand fold as I had read even more what Google had to say about these fucking implants.

Day 6: Mild spotting starts.  Discomfort remains high and steady. Had to go home from work early. AGAIN.

Day 7: It still hurts to sit for long periods of time and the weird pinch/pull sensation increases when I move around too much.

Day 8 to Week 2:  Bleeding increases. Pain still as it was.  Constant, tiring. Starting to become a little despondent and, frankly, frightened as hell at what I had allowed to be done to my body.

Week 3: Bleeding seems to be on the rise.  Weve gone from spotting to proper bleeds but at the end of the day.  This makes sense, as it could be from increased activity, but it is very concerning as I shouldnt be bleeding at this point at all. (Still on the active contraceptive pill, too.)

Week 4: Ok, I might have had sex a couple days before I should have (I had to wait for my cervix to heal completely which was horrible, particularly when you quite like your boyfriend) but I was more toey than a Roman sandal and needed physical reassurance that I was still desirable and that my bits still worked. Answer; I am and they do. I was happy. But the day after I still had the bleeds. And the hurting was still very much happening if I walked around for too long or coughed.  This prompted a call to the gyno for a follow up appointment.

At that appointment I was told that my cervix looked awesome (yay, I suppose) but that it smelled like I had an infection.  I also explained about the bleeding too and was given medication for both.  As I was still in pain, she referred me on to have an x-ray to make that the implants were where they needed to be and also have a blood test to see if anything serious needed addressing.  The results from both of those were clear.

Week 5:  Round one of medication taken and the infection seemed to clear up.  The pain had definitely improved too so I get the impression that it might have had something to do with the Essures at this point.  STILL bleeding heavily though.

Week 6:  Started taking the non-active contraceptive pills and let nature take its course just in case it was my period breaking through as the gyno suggested.  HOLY SHITBALLS, the cramps  That was new.  I sometimes get horrible cramps but this was something else.

Week 7:  Period finally finishes but still spotting. ARGH! It stopped towards the end of that week.

Week 8 to present:  NO BLEEDING. NO PAIN!

Yes, it took eight. fucking. weeks to recover from this procedure and I still have to go back sometime soon to get that final examination done.
EDIT: Actually, my pain and symptoms became much worse. Check out the Essure update I wrote.

I wont repeat what I found but very little of it is good.  The only positive testimonials to be found are on the Essure website itself which, frankly, I find dodgy as fuck.  I discovered that I had been sold on something that is swiftly proving to be dangerous.

What is most frightening was the sheer number of women who have come forward to say that they are or were unwell and in pain and needed full or partial hysterectomies to get rid of both the implants and the pain they caused.

Hell, even Erin Brockovich is in on it shes running the class action. EDIT: SHES NOT AND THEY ARE NOT. ESSURES HAVE BEEN REMOVED FROM THE MARKET IN ALL COUNTRIES EXCEPT USA. As of this update (9th March 2018), Slater and Gordon are considering a class action for Australian women.)

Am I angry at my doctor for not having told me these things?  YES.  Yes, I am.  Very much so.

Am I upset that I didnt turn to Google first to do my own investigations before getting the procedure done?  Yes, I am. If I had seen this information beforehand, I would have simply opted for tubal ligation and just dealt with the recovery process.  Buyer very much beware.

Would I recommend this to anyone?  No. No, I wouldnt.  Certainly not based on my experience.  Eight weeks is a lot of time to be in pain and to be bleeding. Now I have the added stress of wondering what is going on inside my body at any given time, if these things are going to move or break, if I am bound for a lifetime of recurring infections, if I will be in pain again if I start a serious regime of exercise, IF I WILL GET PREGNANT WTF?!

Let me just reiterate that I got these things put in because I didnt want to get pregnant and wanted a hormone-free method of long-term contraception.

So far, these things have not made my life any easier. I am yet to see if they are going to make it horribly difficult.

Is there anything better than cauliflower soup?

Well, theres chocolate, I guess.

And doughnuts.

And apple crumble doused liberally in extremely vanilla-y custard.

But I digress.

Cauliflower soup is the bees knees of soups and has been a favourite since forever and best of all it is piss-easy to make.

Ingredients:

Method:

Now, the soup is entirely edible at this point and if a quick, tasty meal was what you were after then this with a couple slices of buttered toast is delightful.

If you want to beef it up a little you can do the following:

All of the above additions work really well if you want to go a bit fancy and blend the soup smooth.  This is a great starter or just a comfort dish on its own. Try dipping garlic bread into it.

OMFG-YUM.

Just a side note, this particular recipe makes a very light, liquid soup; its not meant to be thick. Its the broke student version of several recipes you can find online.  If youve only got a couple dollars, this makes a BIG pot that can keep you going for a while.  If you want something a little more sumptuous, add in some starchy potato, onion, garlic and butter for richness.

On the penultimate eve of what is swiftly becoming the geek event of the year PAX AU I thought I would celebrate the approaching nerdgasm with a review of a game that I have been playing on and off for the past few weeks.

I would have done a review sooner but Ive basically been in post-game remorse since I finished it a couple days ago.

It certainly is. If you want a game that induces all the feels EVERY. SINGLE. ONE then you need to play this one.

Let me chuck in a disclaimer here, though. If you prefer a lot of activity in your gaming experience (think activity in First Person Shooter terms button mashing and racing around shooting/hitting things), then you will not like this game. If you enjoy a character and plot-driven game that runs more like a choose-your-own-adventure book, then you will love it.

Life is Strange is about choices.

Cause and effect.

Chaos Theory.

Its a game in five parts (or episodes) where you play the part of Max, a budding photographer who discovers she has the power to turn back time and rewrite the past, sometimes to the betterment and sometimes to the detriment of any given situation.

The game starts with saving the life of Maxs long-lost best friend, the blue-haired Chloe, and from there you follow the girls through their adventures. Its a little Sweet Valley High mixed with Pretty Little Liars mixed with Twin Peaks mixed with Walking Dead.

But without the zombies.

For me, it was totally immersive. I became invested in both the characters and the storyline. It brought me to tears in a few parts but maybe Im just a sook Though having watched a few people on Youtube playing the game, their reactions have been much the same.

The real star of the show is the beautiful soundtrack. A good musical score can make or break a film and the same can be said for a game like Life is Strange. The music is mellow and haunting and lovely. Paired up with the fantastic art and animation throughout, its a real treat. Ive noticed a handful of folks criticising the voice acting and script but once you just get into it, you simply dont notice the ridiculousness of it. (You hella saved my life!)

The game play itself is very simple, you look at everything, talk to everyone and choose an appropriate response. In some places you have problems to solve like finding number codes or remembering and repeating a sequence of events. And as I mentioned, every thing you do or dont do or choose to say affects future scenes and decision this idea of cause and effect is what the game is built around.

Unfortunately (and this seems to be a common and very loud complaint) is that the game will lead you to make one of two choices to finish. There are no alternative endings at all. So regardless of whatever choices you make throughout the game and how you change the journey within the storyline, you will always come back to one specific decision at the end. And that kinda sucks because unless youre the type of person who likes to unlock every achievement possible and get the best stats, youre not likely to want to replay. I have no problems with either of the endings but just felt bummed that regardless of how I chose throughout the game, it didnt really matter. But that was a very small gripe in what was ultimately a very enjoyable experience.

Getting down to the technical nitty-gritty, the mechanics of the game are a little clunky. I do have to say that the drag-click thing with the mouse is annoying but if you happen to be playing this on a console, you have the option of hitting buttons which is obviously easier. (I was playing on the PC version.) Other than that, you move Max around with the typical WASD keys and steer with the mouse.

Life is Strange is available through Steam. You can buy the first episode, Chrysalis, for a fiver and if you like it you can buy the rest for $17USD. I finished the whole thing in about 15 hours of game play. Not bad for a little indie game. Not bad at all.

A solid 8/10.

Important note: The game has been found to be triggering for some people as it deals with illness, drugs and suicide. If youre particularly sensitive to these concepts, steer clear. The game is also rated M for obvious reasons.

You see me whine on Facebook about being sore and tired. You sit there and smile knowingly or roll your eyes because youre a gym-goer too. Or a runner. Or a crossfitter. Or an otherwise Tough Mudderfucker, but youre not me. You know all about muscle soreness and recovery and optimal heart rates and that fabled exercise high.

You think you can say certain things to me that I will react positively to because were friends.

Backstory.

Ive just started back at the gym and back into regular exercise after watching my weight change eight kilograms in the wrong direction. For someone who was already around 102kg and has fought tooth and nail to get down from 152kg, thats a scary number to see again. So Im back at the gym. Id love to go back to my personal trainer but even at $20 for a session (and I feel I need at least three sessions a week to be worth anything to me health-wise), I cant afford it. So I do it on my own and try to do a good, honest job of pushing myself.

But you know what? This shits hard.

So, yeah, I complain.

Occasionally, like today, I write a mildly amusing-to-me comment on Facebook expressing my current hatred of whoever invented gyms and that I was sore and that I was going to make myself sorer by subjecting my body to yet another session of physical torture known as working out.

What I got in response, among other things, was being told to harden up, princess and suck it up, cupcake.

Ha ha, right? Really funny. Rens just whinging again. Lets poke fun at her. She wont mind.

She does mind.

OH BOY, she does.

Yes, she is whinging again but she just needs a little support. Sometimes she needs to be coddled because, heaven forbid, shes feeling more than a little fucking delicate at that moment. She might actually need for someone to remind her why she is doing this when she hurts from repeated sessions of sucking it up and to keep going when tears of actual physical pain are mixing with sweat.

I do suck it up.

I am hard.

And you will hear/see/read me complain because thats what I do when Im feeling bad. Because, fuck you, I want someone to tell me that this IS WORTH IT.

What you dont see or hear about is the way my hip joints grind so painfully the day after a particularly hard session of squats and treadmill work that I can feel the sensation of it in my back teeth. What you dont see or hear about is the way my lower back throbs for days because I was stupid and just so happy to be moving that I forgot the Ren cant run or jump rule but did burpees, star jumps and jogged in place on solid concrete for ten minutes.

So DONT tell me to harden up. I do this shit in SPITE of how much I suffer for it in the days following.

I have to balance what I do in order to be able to walk the next day (if not the next hour) because Ive got other shit I need to suck it up for and get done.

I love my friends but sometimes I really want to smack them up the back of the head.

With a shovel.