VERNS REVIEWS on the FILMS of CINEMA - home of Vern, critic and author VERNS REVIEWS on the FILMS of

Time 2020-10-14 04:03:39

Web Name: VERNS REVIEWS on the FILMS of CINEMA - home of Vern, critic and author VERNS REVIEWS on the FILMS of

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"We're still at war, Plissken. We need him alive.""I don't give a fuck about your war... or your president." NOW AVAILABLE TO ORDERWell, I finally went and did it I published my new book Worm on a Hook. I want to be a little vague, but basically it s a horror story about a group of friends who rent a cabin for Memorial Day weekend and run afoul of a seemingly-invincible killer back from the dead. And then, I promise you, it s on. The goal was to find overlap in the conventions of traditional slasher movies and the 80s and 90s action I love, and meld them into one ass-kicking novel. I m very proud of the results, and I think you ll not only enjoy the story but get a kick out of spotting the ways I apply concepts from reviews and Seagalogy to my own storytelling.I hope to find this one a bigger audience than I ve managed for Niketown, so forgive me for going into promotions mode for a bit and leaving this as a sticky post above the new reviews. I m available for podcasts and interviews email me at outlawvern@hotmail.com for inquiries. And if you read it, let me know what you think!NOTE: If you re outside of the U.S. your local version of Amazon should have it too try searching for worm on a hook vern to find it. Many of you have been trying to tell me this for years, and it has finally gotten through to me: THE HIDDEN is incredible. It’s kind of a sci-fi/horror/action hybrid, and it hits hard on all counts. Makes sense that it’s director Jack Sholder’s bridge between the horror of A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2: FREDDY’S REVENGE and the action of RENEGADES, but I’d argue it’s more cinematic than either of those. It opens with a thrilling, Friedkin-esque car chase after a buttoned-up looking guy in wire rimmed glasses (Chris Mulkey, FIRST BLOOD, BROKEN ARROW, BARE KNUCKLES, THE PURGE, THE STANDOFF AT SPARROW CREEK) shoots up a bank. He stays very calm, sometimes mildly amused as he tears through L.A. in a Ferrari, occasionally running over people (including a guy in a wheelchair), blaring a heavy metal tape, sometimes bopping his head a little. Police absolutely riddle him with bullets and destroy his car at a road block he steps out and laughs before getting blown up. Even that doesn’t kill him.It does put him in the hospital, where a doctor is offended by how the detectives talk about this seriously injured patient. It probly makes more sense to him after Detective Willis (Ed O’Ross, LETHAL WEAPON, FULL METAL JACKET, ACTION JACKSON, RED HEAT) spews a monologue about all the murders, injuries and robberies the guy is responsible for, ending with, “Six of the ones he killed he carved up with a butcher knife. Two of them were kids. He did all that in two weeks. If anybody deserves to go that way it sure to hell was him.” (read the rest of this shit ) WELCOME TO SUDDEN DEATH is Michael Jai White’s new… addition to the SUDDEN DEATH franchise? I had heard it was officially a sequel to the 1995 Jean-Claude Van Damme DIE-HARD-alike directed by Peter Hyams, but I didn t notice any continuity connecting them. It’s just a rehash of the same premise. So you could call it a remake, but since it doesn’t use any of the same names I suppose it is in the spirit of rehash DTV sequels like HOLLOW MAN 2, THE MARINE 2, WILD THINGS 2, THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT 2, KINDERGARTEN COP 2 and I’LL ALWAYS KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER.White plays Jesse Freeman, ex-special-ops guy who has a new job as a stadium security job after rehabilitating from some shrapnel he got after escaping torture and kung-fu-ing insurgents overseas. His wife (Sagine Sémajuste) thinks he’s away from the family too much, so he brings his worshipful daughter Mara (Nakai Takawira, Young Simone Biles, THE SIMONE BILES STORY: COURAGE TO SOAR) and unimpressed son Ryan (Lyric Justice) with him when he works the opening game for the Phoenix Falcons. You know, of the National Basketball League. (read the rest of this shit ) It s the dystopian year of 2020 and I’m still trying to do Slasher Search looking for interesting, obscure slasher movies that I haven’t heard of and that don’t seem to already have a following, preferably from the FRIDAY THE 13TH era. It gets harder with each review I do, as the chances become slimmer that there’s anything left that I haven’t already seen and hasn’t been dug up by Arrow or Vinegar Syndrome or somebody. It might be a snipe hunt at this point.The best method I know is to look for things that were released on VHS and never made it to DVD or blu-ray. That’s how I found OPEN HOUSE (1987), which is clearly not one of the weird regional ones I tend to find, since it s legit enough to have Adrienne Barbeau in it. Seven years after THE FOG she’s no longer playing the radio DJ hero she’s the girlfriend to one. She gets tied up and he has to rescue her. Not as cool. Joseph Bottoms (THE BLACK HOLE) plays Dr. David Kelley, famed KDRX talk radio therapist. The original Frasier. Barbeau s Lisa is a Beverly Hills realtor, and therefore one of the doctor s two connections to a series of murders of Beverly Hills realtors. The other connection is that someone he thinks may be the killer keeps calling in to his show. But the authorities won’t listen. (read the rest of this shit ) My friends, we have not only come to the conclusion of my exploration of the films of Dick Maas, but the culmination. His first film THE LIFT showed me that the Dutch writer/director has a strong shooting style, a taste for deadpan absurdity, and a knack for quirky character detail. AMSTERDAMNED applies that to a more ambitious I-can t-believe-I m-seeing-this story (action-packed scuba slasher), and even his 2001 American THE LIFT remake DOWN is trashy, audacious fun. (I also checked out his Halloween episode of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, which you can read about on Patreon if you re interested.) Some joy was dampened by the amount of screen time spent on dull procedural business in the 80s ones, but I liked them all. I m a fan now.Let me bring up a completely unrelated director for a second. When I reviewed EXTREME JUSTICE recently I wrote about how Mark L. Lester doesn’t get enough credit for having directed CLASS OF 1984, FIRESTARTER, COMMANDO and SHOWDOWN IN LITTLE TOKYO. And yet I (rightly or not) have little faith that Lester’s 21st century movies like PTERODACTYL, POSEIDON REX or DRAGONS OF CAMELOT would be worth watching, because I assume they’re not coming from the same place. I had similar feelings when I heard that Maas made a killer lion movie in 2016.But holy shit! Maas’ most recent movie which I found as UNCAGED on Shudder, but it has apparently also been released as PREY is a new instant favorite. It has most of what I loved about his other films, but way more of it. It’s loaded with quirky characters (both the leads and incidentals) who say and do funny things within the context of a story that is knowingly ridiculous but unashamed to take itself seriously. And unlike those other ones it never slows down for long because it has a high, unforgiving body count and provocatively over-the-top gore to attend to. UNCAGED is a total blast.(Thank you Martijn for trying to tell me in the comments for THE LIFT. You were right!) (read the rest of this shit ) “We live in a vertical world. If you can’t trust the elevators, what the fuck can you trust?”After I got aboard the Dick Maas freight train (or elevator, I guess) I decided I shouldn’t skip his English-language remake of THE LIFT. I guess Artisan released it on DVD as THE SHAFT (with a terrible cover), but Blue Underground went back to the original title of DOWN. (And included 151 minutes of behind the scenes footage!? That’s what it says. I didn’t watch it.) One of those stock photo places has a poster from some territory using the DOWN title and it’s ugly but has the excellent tagline “You May Want to Take the Stairs…”This is part of that strange phenomenon of overseas films remade for American/western audiences by the original director see also THE VANISHING, NIGHTWATCH, FUNNY GAMES, 13 TZAMETI but those are usually new directors who caught the eye of Hollywood and were seduced into some shenanigans. “Yeah, it’s great, we loved it, but make it in English now.” This is different because it’s a minor cult movie from 18 full years earlier. In an interview with Rumsey Taylor Maas said that he’d had offers for an American remake since the original movie came out, but was occupied with other projects. But by the 90s when they were still asking, “Somehow I began taking to the idea Elevators are a crucial part of American life, so why didn’t it become a subject for one of your big blockbusters? I tried to help you by doing it myself.” (read the rest of this shit ) After watching THE LIFT as part of my hard hitting Summer of 1985 coverage I knew to pay more attention to this Dutch writer/director/composer Dick Maas. And some of you had already recommended his 1988 scuba-slasher epic AMSTERDAMNED.As the miraculous once-in-a-lifetime perfect title indicates, it takes place in Amsterdam, and yes, it’s about a serial killer swimming around the canals and surfacing to murder people. I love that it opens with a HALLOWEEN style first-person stalking, because as is traditional you hear his heavy breathing, but this time it’s the sound of breathing in a scuba mask. When we do see him it s a good slasher look because it s functional but also creepy, fetishy, and all black.The outsized scumminess of Maas’ Amsterdam is established by the cab driver who picks up a prostitute after a long day of work, first harasses and then tries to rape her before dumping her off far from home. And after being victimized by him the diver finds her. (read the rest of this shit ) Happy October, everyone! I ll be celebrating the impending pandemic Halloween with my usual flurry of horror movie reviews, hopefully including at least a little slasher searching (though I don t know how many undiscovered gems could possibly be left on earth). I m also happy to say that I m in the process of finally publishing my action-horror novel WORM ON A HOOK I will of course post incessantly about it as soon as it s available.I should mention that those things are made possible in part by your generous support, including on Patreon, so as a thank you I have a new bonus post over there, this time about a Halloween episode of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles directed by Dick Maas (THE LIFT). If you missed it last year, I wrote about a pretty funny Halloween episode of Walker: Texas Ranger. I plan to do at least one more Halloween episode post this month.And this is a good place to ask what s everybody been watching and/or recommending this year? I ve already found and caught up with some good ones, but you guys always tip me off to good stuff. You may not know this, because I ve worked really hard to keep it on the down low, but Tobe Hooper’s THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE and THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 are some of my favorite movies. And although I don’t like any of the other chapters in the Texas Chainsaw Cinematical Franchise Property (TCCFP) nearly as much as those two, I know that for as long as they keep making them I will keep watching them and possibly kind of liking some things about them. That’s just my way. It’s what I do.To date there are eight (8) official entries in the series:• The two Tobe Hooper films (1974 and 1986) Preeminent works of cinematic greatness.• LEATHERFACE: THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE III (1990) I thought it was laughable at the time, but kind of liked certain things about it on various rewatches.• TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION (1995 sequel to the 1974 original written and directed by its co-writer Kim Henkel) I was sorely disappointed at the time, but liked it a little more upon my last rewatch.• THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (2003 remake) I violently despised this at the time, but may give it another shot some day as a gesture of grace and compassion.• THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE BEGINNING (2006 prequel to 2003 remake) Didn’t like that one either.• TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D (2013 sequel only to 1974 original) This one is so fuckin stupid, but I got a kick out of it the way I would a lesser FRIDAY THE 13TH sequel.• LEATHERFACE (2017 prequel to 1974 original) I liked this one quite a bit. Though it’s a different sort of thing (a criminals on the run movie) and makes a few choices that bug me as a CHAIN SAW purist, it’s probly the most worthy non-Hooper one.BUT WAIT A MINUTE did you know that I m missing one on that list, a 2012 the-names-and-details-have-been-changed type unofficial sequel written and produced by Henkel? Somehow I never heard about it until very recently, when JK tipped me off in the comments for my NEXT GENERATION review. (read the rest of this shit ) Nearly 30 years after GET CARTER and its American cousin HIT MAN there was another version of the movie and/or its source novel, Jack’s Return Home by Ted Lewis. It starred Sylvester Stallone and was almost universally hated. Unsurprisingly it doesn’t fare well if hung up on a wall next to the 1971 version, but I find it at least interesting as an exercise in adaptation and an oddity in the Stallone filmography. And maybe I’m a little easier on it because it takes place in Seattle, with some of it actually filmed here.In the mid 90s, the ground was shifting under everyone s feet. Hair metal bands felt displaced by Nirvana, MC Hammer decided he had to sign to Death Row Records, and the action heroes of the ‘80s were starting to see the writing on the wall. So by the end of the decade the once dominant Stallone was trying to find his place in a new world. JUDGE DREDD (1995) had been a notorious flop, and ASSASSINS (1995) and DAYLIGHT (1996) were poorly received. He couldn t get Tarantino to cast him as Max Cherry in JACKIE BROWN. Though COP LAND (1997) had been one of Stallone’s best performances, it didn t seem to bring him the critical credibility he was looking for, and his followup, the thriller D-TOX, was sitting on a shelf (it would be barely released in 2002 under the title EYE SEE YOU). Stallone been pigeonholed by his massive success as a larger than life action god, and many critics were more interested in rooting for his failure than seeing him evolve, or even return to his roots. (read the rest of this shit ) 1. Patreon (Crowdfunding deal where you toss me a few bucks monthly to help me take time off from the day job to write more of this good shit. You also get access to some exclusive pieces there.) 2. Buy my books from your local bookseller or somebody Amazon.com Widgetsclick here for my Amazon author page(NOTE: My ten year contract has passed on the Titan books, so I only get residuals on NIKETOWN, but I would love for you to read them anyway)EXTRA CREDIT: Review them on Amazon! That would really help me out. Unless you didn't like them, in which case forget I said anything. 3. If you ever buy from Amazon, go through my links or search engines (you pay the same amount you were gonna pay anyway they cut me a little slice) I also have an Amazon UK one: Amazon.co.uk Widgets(I can't get the search box widget to work anymore, so click on MOONWALKER and then search for what you want.) 4. My exciting line of fashion and leisure products (I get a couple bucks per item, you get a cool t-shirt, mug or lifestyle item) 5. Straight up give me some money Donation Amount: (Currency: USD)Donation:Every times ("0" means no end date) (I held onto this Paypal donation thing you can use if you don't want to use Patreon) 6. Spread the word Tell your friends about my reviews and my books and everything. Only cool people though please, we don't need a bunch of suckers around here.THANKS EVERYBODY. YOUR FRIEND, VERN* * * * VERN S I RECOMMEND THE SHIT OUT OF THIS PRODUCT CORNER: Recent commentary and jibber-jabberMr. Majestyk on The Hidden: Ah, THE WRAITH. I must have seen the second half of that movie 15 times on The Movie Channel back Oct 13, 12:59The Kurgan on The Hidden: For the first part of this review, I definitely thought this was THE WRAITH, but it sounds like that's a Oct 13, 12:39The Kurgan on The Hidden: For the first part of this review, I definitely thought this was THE WRAITH, but it sounds like that's a Oct 13, 12:39Mr. Majestyk on The Hidden: Jesus, I just realized it’s been 20 years since I watched this. What the hell else was I doing? Nothing Oct 13, 12:39TJ on Welcome to Sudden Death: This one didn't do much for me. A few fun fight scenes. Some awfully broad over the top 'comedy' from Oct 13, 12:09The Winchester on The Hidden: One of my favorites of the great alien cop genre. Just a fun ride from beginning to end (and what Oct 13, 11:54Mr. Majestyk on Welcome to Sudden Death: I don’t know, I think I’ve complained about Roel Reine a fair amount. To me, he’s the perfect example of Oct 13, 10:38KayKay on Welcome to Sudden Death: Have ZERO problems with HARD TARGET 2. But I understand it's become the TERMINATOR SALVATION of the DTV genre: A Oct 13, 09:32KayKay on Welcome to Sudden Death: Jeeja ultimately chose family over a career (I believe she got pregnant somewhere mid shoot of TOM YUM GOONG 2) Oct 13, 09:23CJ Holden on Bride of Re-Animator: Finally watched it. It's really not as good as part 1, but am I the only one who laughed really Oct 13, 07:05CJ Holden on Amsterdamned: I wouldn't say he is a recognizable name or face in Germany, but he is known through Maas' movies and Oct 13, 06:47Ghost on Welcome to Sudden Death: If Mr. Majestyk is refering that every movie needs more Jeeja Yanin, the answer for the two expections would be Oct 13, 04:35Ghost on Welcome to Sudden Death: If Mr. Majestyk is refering that every movie needs more Jeeja Yanin, the answer for the two expections would be Oct 13, 04:35Mr. Majestyk on Welcome to Sudden Death: CHOCOLATE and RAGING PHOENIX, of course. And maybe THIS GIRL IS BADASS. Although I suppose even those could have had Oct 13, 04:18pegsman on Amsterdamned: CJ and/or Gaul, is Huup Stapel a name of some stature in Germany? I saw him on an episode of Oct 13, 03:09 Tweets by @outlawvern

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