Its been about a month since I have started this blog. There were many changes that have occurred in my life. The most important change is that I am a lot more happier with myself than I was a month ago. I havent been doing much work on myself, but it is amazing what time can do for your thinking. Your thinking could either become more negative or more positive. Last month, I went through a bad break up that I am still working through and the first thing I told myself when this happened was the usual words Youre not worth it He found someone better looking etc. In the end, that was not the reason whatsoever. After going through that I truly realized that its time for me to stop putting myself down. The original Golden Rule states to treat others as one would like others to treat oneself. Well, thats the opposite for me. I need to treat myself as others would like to be treated because I am so cruel to myself. I have built my confidence up after this significant event and I ended up getting a new job this past month that is very beneficial. I recently saw the ex and I told him all the great things that are happening for me right now (maybe rubbing it in a tad bit) and he said to me Sounds like things are going good and indeed they are! He has been bothering me to hang out ever since that day. I felt like crying when I saw him, but on the outside I showed the confident, successful girl that I know I am. Its sound corny but I dont need a man to make me feel wanted, beautiful, or worth it. Because I am all those things without him. As of today, I am happy and hopefully my progress continues to be positive. Remember everyone, progress not perfection!

https://www.dosomething.org/campaigns/mirror-messages

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/01/nyregion/city-unveils-a-campaign-to-improve-girls-self-esteem.html?_r=0

Here is an article that explains the movement that is being made for girls with low-self esteem in NY. This is great, but what about the males? I believe they could take part in this as well.

I conducted one round of studies to find out how most people suffer from some form of poor self-image. I polled family members, friends, and strangers. The ages range from 14-70. I asked them two questions. The first questions was Use one word to describe your body. The other question was Use one word to describe how you see yourself on the inside. These are completely anonymous and the results are very interesting and eye opening.

Use one word to describe your body.

Females

Males

Use one word to describe how you see yourself on the inside.

Females

Males

After completing these interviews I came to the conclusion that in fact the men were more harsh on themselves than the women. I think this also plays a role in honesty The women took awhile to think about their answers as when the men blurted it out. One of the female interviewees said to me I dont want you to judge me if I tell you my insecurities. This was an issue I had with the interviews so I decided to have the participants write their answers down and put them into boxes. This is so I wouldnt know who wrote what and they could be less fearful of being judged (even though I would never do that). Also, if you look at the results for the second question the men tore themselves up on the inside. The women had a lot more positivity in this category. Now the biggest thing that I learned from these interviews is that MOST people are negative towards their bodies and who they think they are, no matter what sex you are. I had 24 participants in this activity. For the second question, with the males and females answers added together 63% of the answers were negative. For the first question, 79% of the answers were negative. From the results of this experiment it is safe to say that poor body/self image is definitely rapid in todays society.

Ive struggled for many years with poor self-image. I have been influenced by media and how I was raised. I grew up in a family that strived off of perfection. My first eating disorder started at the age of seven. I have always been a chubby child and the women in my family have suffered from eating disorders and this is what I witnessed as an innocent child. After every meal I would hear the words ugh, why did I eat that? I feel so guilty for eating that. Im so fat. This is what I absorbed in and I started my own journey of low self-esteem and self-hatred. There were times when family members would offer me money if I lost a certain amount of weight. I started sneaking food and keeping it under my pillow. I was afraid that I would be caught. The same issues follow my sister and she is still very sick today. She is struggling with an eating disorder and it is tearing her apart physically and mentally. Today I find myself doing the same thing as a child. I hide food or I keep putting food on my plate without finishing what I already started. I am able to notice why I do this and where these thoughts come from. This is my fear of food being taken away from me as it was when I was a kid. I no longer act out on my eating disorder but the thoughts are still there. I asked family members, friends, and strangers two questions anonymously. The first question was Use one word to describe your body. and the other question was Use one word you would use to describe how you feel on the inside. I answered the questions as well. The first things that came to my mind within ten seconds was fat and crazy. This is what has inspired me to create this blog. I am trying to change my negative thoughts into positive thoughts. I stopped buying fashion magazines, looking at thinspo tumblr sites, and focusing on the fantasy world of the media. This only brought my self-esteem lower. Not only do I criticize my body and my looks, but I tear myself down on the inside. The men in my family believe that you have to exceed expectations in order to be accepted. I was taught that what I did was never good enough. If I came home with one B+ on my report card I was asked what would I do to make that better? I didnt grow up hearing the words Im proud of you, Great job, Youre worth it, etc. Ive played sports my whole life and always became passionate with whatever I was doing. I was playing premiere soccer at one point and after every game my father never told me that I played well. It was always You can do this..and thatbetter or You need to work on this. Half of the time neither of my parents showed to support my soccer games. I also rode horses for over eight years and the same criticism I took in. These insecurities followed me my whole life. Having these thoughts have stopped me from growing to my full potential. Whether its job interviews, school, personal relationships, etc. My story has inspired me to create this blog and change myself. Im learning that everyone is beautiful on the inside and out. Most days I sit down in a public place and people watch. While I do this I find one beautiful thing about the strangers that pass me. I always find beauty in everyone. Everyone is worth it and everyone has a story. I hope to grow more on the inside and live the joyous positive life I deserve. Remember to love yourself. You dont have to feel alone anymore because I love you.

Children are not born with negative or positive self-talk, it is formed through their development years and is commonly a reflection of their interaction with their parents. If parents reject themselves their children are going to develop similar set views of themselves (http://www.ccpa-accp.ca/blog/?p=261). Kids who have positive views of themselves and know their strengths have an easier time dealing with conflicts. They are overall more happy, realistic, and optimistic. However, kids with low self-esteem deal with anxiety and frustration from challenges in life. They resort to self-critical thoughts that can be withdrawn and lead to depression. A child who is happy with an achievement but does not feel loved may eventually experience low self-esteem. Likewise, a child who feels loved but is hesitant about his or her own abilities can also develop low self-esteem (http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/self_esteem.html). Learnt behaviors from childhood tend to grow with you into adulthood. Its harder to make changes once these thoughts and views are developed in adolescent years.

What is Self-Image? Self-Image is the idea of ones abilities, appearance, and personality. What is body-image? Body-image is the subjective picture or mental image of ones own body. Having a poor body-image often leads to low self-esteem affecting all parts of your life and your whole self-image. Media influences the way people look and view themselves every day. The media is form a communication that is designed for large audiences with the goal of maximizing profit (J. Kevin Thompson, University of South Florida; The effect of media images and sociocultural beauty ideal on college-age women: A proposed psych educational program). Today electronic and print media images blur the boundaries between a fictional ideal and reality. Television is also a powerful influence. In the average home, television is on for more than seven hours a day. The unrealistic ideal found in print media is also found on television shows. Gonzalez-Lavin and Smolak established that middle-schooled-age girls, who are influenced by television report greater boy dissatisfaction, use of weight management techniques, and pathological ideas of eating. A study done by Stice and Shaw showed that college students exposed to three minutes of twelve photographs of extremely attractive models from popular fashion magazines led to perpetual increases in depression, stress, guilt, shame, insecurity, and body image dissatisfaction. Minimal exposure to these images result in transitory increases in psychological distress and body image dissatisfaction, long-term, daily exposure is likely even more damaging. The high dose of publicity may be considered toxic (Thompson and Heinberg; The effect of media images and sociocultural beauty ideal on college-age women: A proposed psych educational program). Female models portrayed in advertisements are air-brushed and weigh 23% less than the average women. Male models are also air brushed and have bodies that are beyond the average body of males. Many actors and musicians have admitted to struggling with eating disorders including Demi Lovato, Katie Couric, Lady Gaga, Kate Beckinsale and Kelly Clarkson (http://www.raderprograms.com/causes-statistics/media-eating-disorders.html). Most recently, model Myla Dalbesio, is considered not skinny enough. She ended up leading down a drug addled path from the industrys unrealistic standards. Her size was not big enough for plus-size modeling and she was not skinny enough for designer runway shows. She was treated for her drug use and unhealthy eating habits. Today she is part of Calvin Kleins new campaign Perfectly Fit (http://www.etonline.com/fashion/152924_calvin_klein_new_model_opens_up_about_battling_her_weight_obsession/index.html). Eating disorders are one of the most common psychological issue that occurs from poor self/body image. According to the Social Comparison Theory, first proposed by Leon Festinger, there are three basic motivations for self-comparison with others: self-evaluation, self-improvement, and self-enhancement. When comparing with characters from T.V/movies, models from famous ads/magazines, these three motivations to meet the unrealistic ideal is set (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/media-spotlight/201311/media-exposure-and-the-perfect-body). Leon conducted a study using 391 middle-school students with the average age of thirteen. They completed anonymous questionnaires. In the study, 191 media characters were identified, most from teen-oriented T.V shows with adult characters. There was a strong negative correlation to the bigger body shaped characters. These characters were considered less attractive than the thin characters. Analysis of this study showed that the social comparison with a character predicted strong body dissatisfaction. This research demonstrates the power of media affecting young peoples view of themselves. (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/media-spotlight/201311/media-exposure-and-the-perfect-body). So what is considered beautiful in our society? Is it true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Or is there no such thing of that today? According to researchers and scientists the number one criteria for beauty comes down to symmetry. For females, a beautiful face exhibits perfect symmetry. One side mirrors the other. The eyes should be proportionate to the head and face. Lips should be full and in proportion to the whole face. A small nose is necessary! Also, having smooth skin and long hair is a must. Your body must be shaped femininely. The golden rule of body proportions is that the bust is eight inches larger than the waist and the hips are ten inches larger than the waist. Height varies between beauty so this doesnt play a huge factor in attractiveness. Now onto what beautiful men are suppose to look like. An attractive male represents angular, hard, more geometric shapes rather than soft round curves on females. Symmetry also applies to males. A strong brow, high forehead, and solid jaw represents a masculine face. A muscular frame with waist-to-shoulder ratio of .75 or less creates a well defined upper body “V.” Broad shoulders, a muscled chest, and a narrower waist meets the criteria of body perfection. A taller man has a more powerful figure than a shorter one. As a result, height plays a huge role in what makes a man attractive. (http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/a/attractive_people_how_society_defines_physical_attractiveness.aspx)