Nonviolent

Communication

“While we may not consider the way we talk to be ‘violent,’ words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or ourselves.” — Marshall Rosenberg

5 Million Copies Sold Worldwide

Order the Book Learn More Watch an inspiring video by Marshall

Nonviolent

Communication

Order the Book Learn More Watch an inspiring video by Marshall

“While we may not consider the way we talk to be ‘violent,’ words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or ourselves.” — Marshall Rosenberg

5 Million Copies Sold Worldwide

Some great quotes by Marshall B. Rosenberg.

“While we may not consider the way we talk to be ‘violent,’ words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or ourselves.”“Nonviolent Communication shows us a way of being very honest without any criticism, insults, or put-downs, and without any intellectual diagnosis implying wrongness.” “Our survival as a species depends on our ability to recognize that our well-being and the well-being of others are in fact one and the same.” “We are never angry because of what others say or do; it is a result of our own ‘should’ thinking.”  “The most important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion.” “When you make a connection, the problem usually solves itself.”   “When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.” “Once you understand, there is no need to forgive—you will have compassion.” “Is there anything more fun than contributing to others’ well-being?” “I wouldn’t expect others who have been injured to hear my side until they felt that I had fully understood the depth of their pain.” “NVC is empathy before education, connection before correction.” “The worst shoulds are inner shoulds.”  “The spirituality that we need for social change is one that mobilizes us for social change.” “What others do may be the stimulus of our feelings but not the cause.” “Violence comes from the belief that other people cause our pain and therefore deserve punishment.” “Never hear what somebody thinks about you—you'll live longer. Hear that they are in pain. Don't hear their analysis.” “When we blame others, we give up the power to change ourselves.” “Any violence is a cry for empathy, for the pain of the perpetrator.” “The ability to offer empathy to people in stressful situations can defuse potential violence.” “The key to fostering connection in the face of a no is always hearing yes to something else.” “Understanding and connection can transcend conflict.” “The mourning of NVC—compassionate mourning— is connecting with the feelings and unmet needs stimulated by past actions we now regret.” “Ask before offering advice or reassurance.” “Postpone result or solution thinking until later; it is through connection that solutions materialize.” “Criticism, analysis, and insults are tragic expressions of unmet needs.” “People heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with another human being.” “Children need to learn how to think for themselves, how to find meaning in what they learn, and how to work and live together.” “When people need empathy the most, they’re likely to ask for it in the way they’re least likely to receive it.” “To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.” “Fear of corporal punishment obscures children’s awareness of the compassion underlying the parent’s demands.” “Every message, regardless of form or content, is an expression of a need.” “When people hear needs, it provokes compassion. When people hear diagnoses, it provokes defensiveness and attack.”  “Regardless of our many differences, we all have the same needs. What differs is the strategy for fulfilling these needs.”  “We are responsible for what we hear other people say and for how we act.” “Your presence is the most precious gift you can give to another human.” “The punitive use of force tends to generate hostility and reinforce resistance to the very behavior we are seeking.” “Social change involves helping people see new options for making life wonderful that are less costly to getting their needs met.”  “Labeling and diagnosis are catastrophic way to communicate. Telling other people what's wrong with them greatly reduces, almost to zero, the probability that we're going to get what we're after.”  “Defuse stress by empathizing with others.”  “The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person understanding too.” “If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize.”

What is Violent Communication?

If “violent” means acting in ways that result in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate—judging others, bullying, having racial bias, blaming, finger pointing, discriminating, speaking without listening, criticizing others or ourselves, name-calling, reacting when angry, using political rhetoric, being defensive or judging who’s “good/bad” or what’s “right/wrong” with people—could indeed be called “violent communication.”

What is Nonviolent Communication?

Nonviolent Communication is the integration of 4 things:

Consciousness

A set of principles that support living a life of compassion, collaboration, courage, and authenticity.

Language

Understanding how words contribute to connection or distance.

Communication

Knowing how to ask for what you want, how to hear others even in disagreement, and how to move forward towards solutions that work for all.

Means of influence

Sharing “power with others” rather than using “power over others”.

NVC serves our desire to do three things:

Increase our ability to live with choice, meaning, and connection

Connect empathically with self and others to have more satisfying relationships

Sharing of resources so everyone is able to benefit

*Click here for a more comprehensive description of What is Nonviolent Communication.*

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“One of [Satya Nadella, CEO of Microsoft]’s first acts after becoming CEO . . . was to ask the company’s top executives to read Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication, a treatise on empathic collaboration.”

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“Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of those feelings and needs, people lose their desires to attack back because they see the human ignorance leading to those attacks. Instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships.”

Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph. D.