Being ‘un-dissappointable’ is perhaps the greatest gift you can offer others for their growth

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I believe violence and abuse, although statistically associated mostly with men in the world, are at their core genderless. I think they are, fundamentally, forces of destruction perpetrated by humans against one another, with gender or race as one of the overarching paradigms determining who abuses whom and how. I believe what we truly need as a society goes well beyond educating men and empowering women - although these are essential steps. I believe we need an education around being a conscious human being - with and for each other and for the other beings we share this finite planet with.

I do believe a rising tide lifts all boats. And I wonder how we can collectively create the rising tide of consciousness that lifts all of us towards a more humane world.

What are the fundamental assumptions about the nature of humans, the nature of reality, the essence of a good life, that might be colouring your own thinking and decisions? How are your biggest assumptions serving you? How might they be limiting you?

If you’re a parent, how is your own world-view informing what you choose to instil in your kids? How might you ‘loosen up’ some of your existing beliefs and experiment with other ways of looking at things?

Who in your life is deeply triggering you because they’re so different, so ‘unlike you’? You might just want to reach out and listen to them, not to agree, but just to have your mind opened to other truths. I my own experience I’ve come to believe that with every mindset stretch comes another degree of freedom, as Viktor Frankl wisely said, “to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way”.

Here are the three lessons I have received this year, all of which have forced me into practicing radical honesty towards self and others. None are completely new. I’ve learnt them before. But this year has taught them to me in new ways. I don’t think they are unique to me either. So hopefully sharing them will get you thinking about your versions of them or about other pieces of wisdom you might pluck from these strange past twelve months and carry with you forward, as treasures from the dark cave, out into the light of a new day.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

In what has been both the hardest and most amazing year of my life, I have learnt a few precious things, some of which might be universal lessons every expat discovers and others of which might just be nuggets of wisdom the Universe had in store just for me. However they may be, here they are - we never know who might find a bit of inspiration or a bit of solace, if they are treading a similar lonely, unchartered path.

Allowing ourselves to grow up - to truly GROW-UP takes a leap of faith. It takes embracing radical vulnerability. Yes, loved ones might and will get sick or die. Yes, we might get sick or die. Yes, when we reach out we'll get rejected sometimes. Yes, we might need to accept that we're not as self-confident and accomplished as our professional circles might think we are. Yes, we will need to own up to being messy human beings, never "round and smooth", always a bit "rugged and sharp-edged". Accepting how inherently imperfect and, yes, vulnerable, we are is the ultimate act of courage and, paradoxically, it might lead us to becoming better, wiser, more patient, loving humans, more at peace with ourselves and all those around us - close and far. It might lead us to becoming real.

It looks like we humans have to die multiple times throughout our lives. Our time as a butterfly might just be the preamble of becoming a caterpillar all over again. Maybe we are bound to live through several cocoons over the course of our lives, each time breaking apart again, only to emerge on the other side with different coloured wings and more consciousness. 

In the end, I am deeply grateful for the wisdom that came, unexpectedly from one of the most mundane objects in the world. That kitchen table became the metaphorical bridge upon which we, as a family, stepped into our new life. It was our bootcamp. Our testing ground. It opened a door to more mindfulness and it reminded us that the work of growing wiser never ends.

In a world that is continuously changing in ever faster, more disruptive ways, understanding that you, as an adult, still have a long way to go before really "growing up" might become paramount. Consciously taking time for introspection, looking for opportunities of personal development might soon become a necessity, as Artificial Intelligence is changing the landscape of work and our common humanity is subjected to challenges our species has likely never encountered before. This article is meant to bring the concept of "adult development" to the forefront of your mind, to invite you to be curious, to challenge your own assumptions and to ask yourselves, how can you become ever more conscious and aware as a leader, parent, partner, friend and, ultimately, human being?

As coaches, we receive something very precious: our clients' trust. They rely on us to be honest and non-judgemental partners on their way to their best selves - be that in a work or personal context. We owe it to them, and to ourselves, to take our profession seriously.

We live in a world that often seems absurd, chaotic, paradoxical. We feel appalled by the injustice that seems to unfold beyond our control, we judge, we polarise into "us" versus "them". It is my belief that the only relationship we can truly transform is the one we have with ourselves and only then can we take the next step of healing our relationship with others. I think everything starts with us. This world cannot go on if each of us stays in our own bubble, fighting ourselves and, at the same time, hating others who are different.